Super Mario and the Thousand Year Drama! (Kai Version)
by IAMMaster
Summary: For those of you who are clear impatient readers that hate filler scenes, here you go yuh ding-dongs. I guess this a good way for some of you to get into the series. The uncut version is still the funniest. It also comes with some alternate shit in the story versus the other versions. The Master has Spoken.
1. Chapture 1: A Ghettoport's Welcome

Disclaimers:

This is a parody of Paper Mario and the Thousand Year Door. All characters and various other royalties of Paper Mario are all reserved to Nintendo and Intelligent System as this is for parody use only.

This is an entirely separate universe from the original Paper Mario universe, so expect many inconsistencies made on purpose for comedic effect.

This story contains offensive content such as racist jokes, sexual content, sexism, drug use, a fuckload of violence, and a lot of other offensive shit that we can make jokes about. If you don't like offensive humor then I recommend not reading this but if you still decide to then please leave a comment about how offended you are, I'll get a kick out of it.

If you loved this game as a child and wish to preserve it as pure and full of childhood wonder in your mind then we recommend not reading this because it will fuck you up.

This parody is rated M for ENJOY!

**Super Mario and the**

**Thousand Year Drama!**

**(Kai Version)**

**(Normal Mode)**

**Chapture 1: A Ghettoport's Welcome**

Cough cough cough... Sorry. Bit of a cold... Long long ago in a far away universe different from our own, there was a town. A town where people lived happily. Like, it was one of those towns that sustained itself without any government and no one was luting, raping, or murdering or doing all 3 things simultaneously because they were high as fuck, none of that shit. They grew their own crops, and made all their own shit.

Everything was peaceful... until 1 day, tragedy struck when an oil spill happened... a big one! Yes! Believe it or not, they had that kind of advanced system back then. Basically, it caused some bad global warming that created a massive category 17 hurricane if that was even possible. This hurricane was so massive that it managed to demolish the entire peaceful town. That was the part where you piss yourself by the way, just like the thousands of people who saw the wave coming and couldn't do anything but piss and shit in the middle of the street while looking at the wave in horror and wishing that they had anal sex with their wife at least once before dying.

Basically, this cataclysm became incredibly controversial and touchy as many religions and cults of this world claimed this as their own prophecy but it wasn't and fuck them.

The town sank, but not low enough to be fucking the shit out of the hot mermaids of Atlantis. Nothing remained on the surface of the town and it became a huge dump. Eventually, it became inhabited by all kinds of fucking retards who just want to start some shit and fuck up their own living space. It went from a peaceful utopia (in the non Hitler way) to the grimiest, crimiest part of the Mushroom Kingdom and it sucked.

There was a rumor of there being a majical, legendary treasure buried along with the former town, possibly an expired welfare check. Apparently whoever finds this treasure will have their wildest of dreams come true! Wait.. where have I heard this story before...?

[Captain's log. Stardate: April 23rd, 2004. It was 5:00 PM vastly cloudy in the Mushroom Kingdom about 64 degrees Fahrenheit. ]

[Ghettoport Central]

Here we have Princess Peach (age 34) in the town previously spoken of. She appeared to be on some sort of trip for who knows what reason.

Peach: Finally! I have some time away from Toadsworth! That butler is always staring at my ass! I'm wearing a poofy long skirt! It's not like it shows any kind of bulge or details or anything! And what kind of vacation is this anyway? Since I came here, I only been able to leave my room twice cause he set up an electric fence and I have to wear a collar keeping me from leaving! At least I was able to trick him by telling him that the collar was killing me so he took it off and I just ran out! Yeah! I told him "Fuck you!" and "Eat my pussy bitch!" At least now I can go see some real shit!

A mysterious merchant began to alert the Princess in a semi hostile tone.

Merchant (age?): Hey bitch! BITCH!

Peach: Hey!... I love it when people call me that! Whats up!? (said actually non sarcastically)

Merchant: You wanna buy something good? I plenty of knickknacks and doodads!

Peach: Oh! heh. No thanks I have plenty of drugs and royal vibrators.

Peach looks over the loads of garbage on the desk and her eye becomes fixated on a strange looking box that has a Dexter's Lab sticker on it.

Peach: Wait! I might not have this one! What's that in the box!?

Merchant: Welp, you see... this box here? Yeah. It holds this thing called a "map" where you find this other thing called "treasure." Treasure is a reward you get and the map takes you there. Pretty neat huh?

Peach: Well yeah! I'm not in first grade or nothing. But still! Wow! I love treasure!

Beld- I mean, Merchant: So do all of us. Anyway, only 1 with a pure and noble heart can open the treasure. So if you can do that, it's all yours. Free from charge!

Peach: Really!?

Merchant: Yeah. See, I've tried opening it even. Unfortunately I can't open it myself cause I'm secretly a bad guy. You might find that out later on. Anyway, first time's always free.

Peach wasn't paying attention for most of when he was talking because she was thinking about the time Mario pooped a butt and then that butt pooped and it was posted on Youtube.

Peach: So wait? How do you even know that there's a map inside if you can't open it?

Merchant: ITS TOO COMPLICATED! Do you want the damn treasure or not!?

Peach: Alright alright sheesh!

Peach then opened the box thus flashing out a bright beam of light resulting in Peach having mild seizure, but it's okay! She was fine as the seizure only lasted for about 15 seconds! but yeah. So that was the opening and you probably could have skipped it and enjoyed the game just the same, NOW LETS GET TO THE REAL STORY ALREADY!

**Chapture 1 - 1: A Misadventure Awaits!**

[Captain's log. Stardate: May 3rd, 2004. It was 11:00 AM partially cloudy in the Mushroom Kingdom City. About 64 degrees Fahrenheit. We know that you give a fuck about these details.]

[Mario's House]

Parakarry (age 32) the Mail Man flew towards Mushroom Kingdom's most famous hero/ fired plumber's house as he was delivering a package. Above the door in big font is labeled "MARIO" like the narcissistic wop he is, funny how it just says Mario when Luigi lives there too but Luigi is too busy getting money and pussy to even care.

Parakarry: Mail call.

Perakarry flys off mumbling to himself.

Parakarry: *sigh* I miss my old job as a telemarketer, I got an unlimited amount of phone sex from hot old ladies.

A day passed by as Mario (age 43) and Luigi (age 41) were passed out drunk with several Brazilian hookers also passed out on the floor while the sound system was left on playing "Let the Bodies hit the Floor By Drowning Pool" on repeat.

The Next day, Luigi opened the door having the biggest 5 O'clock shadow you could ever imagine. He finds a package on his doorstep thinking it's going to be goomba shit again but it wasn't on fire this time so he thought he's take a chance.

Luigi then attempted to wake up Mario in the crudest way he could think of. He rubbed his sweaty, greasy, Italian genitals that have been insides 3 or 4 hookers all over Mario's face.

Mario woke up and instinctually punched him in the fucking dick which then hit his balls so hard that they flew between his ass cheeks and got stuck between them, it fucking hurt.

This resulted in an unnecessary, emotional, boring therapeutic conversation about it that ended up with them discussing everything wrong with Loonatics Unleashed before wondering what the fuck even started the conversation in the first place.

Luigi: Anyways, enough about this shit. Check this out! Peach sent you some letter.

Luigi showed Mario the letter.

Mario: Not Goomba shit this time? Sweet! About time!

Mario sniffed the letter to make sure it wasn't Goomba shit before taking out the letter which had the princess' emblem on it.

Luigi: God she pisses me off with this letter nonsense. We have EMAIL now!

Mario: Wait, let me see this...wait a minute, I CAN'T FUCKING READ IN ENGLISH! Luigi, can you read this to me?

Mario hands the letter to Luigi.

Luigi: Sure

As Luigi cleared his throat, he coughed up a grotesque loogy, possibly from chewing out some hooker pussy and vulgarly spit it on the floor.

Luigi struggled as he was reading Peach's grammatically atrocious letter.

"Hello ther Mario! I am now on my menstral vacashon and Im travling around the Mushrum Kingdum. And chek this out! Some old dum m robed wumin sold mii this map...a MAJICAL map! That could find teasure. I got it in this shady part of the Kingdom called Getoport. But since Im 2 week to find the tregure myself...Maybii u can do it 4 me! Prity Pleez? Wii can use the tresure 2 buy an infinat amount of drugs for evry1! Wii get 2 save r ecodomy and then trick the black naborhoods into doing the deadly ones like Crack Heroin Meth and even Chompadil!1 The map is on the bakj behind this paper. If it isisnt abvius alredy, bring the map with you when you come Meat mii at GettoPort or I will personally have U X-icuted for being stupid tee hee. Plox cum soon, k? XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD"

Mario: That fucking bitch! If she thinks she can bribe me with some materialistic treasure and some deth threats. I'm gonna put my foot so far -

Luigi: Wait! Mario! There's more!

"Oh and I wil have sex wiff you.

\- Peach"

Mario stared at Luigi blankly for about 4 or 6 seconds.

Mario: LETS-A GO!

Luigi: *Sigh* He is so whipped…

Mario and Luigi immediately set sail on a boat to a new adventure and a new destination, one which they've never seen before.

Mario and Luigi are now seen riding a boat across seas on a sunny sunny day where the title reads "SUPER MARIO and THE THOUSAND YEAR DRAMA! (c)"

Now imagine as that title scene occurring that you're hearing the song "I'm on a Boat! by the Lonely Island" Nah. Just kidding, thats too gay! lol Imagine you're hearing "Break on Through by The Doors" GET IT!? Cause I replaced "Door" with "Drama." Get it now!? I only did it ironically! And anything done ironically is automatically funny and excusable according to the internet but seriously. Look that song up. I think you'll like it.

**Chapture 1 - 2: The Stupid Boat**

Due to the fact that you chose to read the cut version, you will be skipping this parts. Congrats! Read the uncut version if you wanna read about the fucking boat ride you fucks!

**Chapture 1 - 3: Enter the Man Child**

_**[Ghettoport Docks]**_

Luigi: That was the longest boat ride I'v-

A sharp and painful smell attacks Mario's nose as he cuts Luigi off

Mario: LUIGI! Get away from me! You smell awful! You smell worse than Honey Booboo's Mom! Your smell can single handedly give Helen Keller a reason for fear! I would rather huff a gallon on Jenkem than you right now!

(Look up Jenkem. You'll laugh. Fox News did a report on it.)

Luigi: Eat shit, you fat, gay pedophile!

Mario: You smell like you actually did eat shit! Go take a fucking shower!

Mario charges at Luigi, pushing him into the water violently

Luigi was fucking drowning but soon got his ass bitten by a Nibbles. It bit him so hard, that he flew away somewhere no 1 gives a fuck about right now.

Mario began eavesdropping on a loud possible pre-rape argument. The man plotting his assault was a fat blasted bearded bastard with a big ass spiky mustache, goggles that covered any distinction of his eyes. He wore a horned helmet like he was an edgy teenager trying to be a fucking demon or some stupid shit. He had a cape like Evel Knievel, and tights that gripped his groin so hard that you could see his mangina through his jumpsuit. The Girl in this feud with him was a Goomba who had on an Archaeologist helmet (possibly from growing up with Jackie Chan Adventures on Cartoon Network), She had a long blonde ponytail and was very pale for a goomba along with what seemed to be a nervous tick of hers which was to wink her left eye and to show 1 of her goomba fangs. She was also the only clothed goomba Mario has ever seen and it strangely turned him on much like a naked woman.

The Man began to corner the Goomba

Goombella (age 21): I'm not doing that! Thats disgusting!

Robotnik (Age 35): Silence you foolish shrewd! I know this is tough for you, but I want you to take off all of your clothes and put on only this diaper! All of Deviantart will love it and fap their micopenises off to the sight of your feet and hot diapered ASSSSS.

Goombella: No! Thats creepy as fuck! I'm not gonna be a part of your sick pedo fetish, asshole!

Robotnik: Come on... just wear the damn diaper like a good girl! It's super comfortable and looks fucking great! I put one on all the time before pleasuring myself while looking into a mirror! Hah-hah, yeah!

Goombella: That's fucking disgusting, you're sick!

Goombella began to tear up in disgust as well as panic for dear life, worrying about what he may do to her.

Robotnik: K im bored now. X-Nauts!

2 of his henchmen known as X-Nauts walked towards Robotnik.

X-Nauts: Yes lord!?

Robotnik: Bring her to my SEX DUNGEON where I will partake in countless deviant act on this fire-crotch, like RAPE and MORE RAPE!

Apparently, Robotnik is shaky on his definition of "fire crotch."

Goombella: NO! Get away from me!

As Mario eavesdropped, he assumed these events were quite normal, so he decided to walk around the drama hoping the Princess would still be frisky.

Goombella looked around frantically and saw Mario, the fat, Italian drunk who had saved the world countless times before (mostly by accident or in pursuit of pussy) and ran behind him in fear.

Goombella: HEY! RANDOM STRANGER! Get this pervy sub-cretin far away from me! I'm just really frightened, please!

Mario: Whoa whoa whoa! Don't get me involved! I just got here!

Mario: Excuse me Robotnik looking dude, don't mind me. I'm just a normal guy trying to get his poll wet.

Mario thought he smelled Marijuana on Robotnik, so he thought that they could smoke some together and smooth this stupid shit over while high as fuck.

Mario: Hey…do you have any weed?

Robotnik: Oh so your trying to foil my plan eh? Well sir, this is MY PRAY! You get your own!

Mario: That's fine, I was just leaving.

Robotnik: Are you trying to get sarcastic with me! Sarcasm is a huge trigger of mine!

Mario: How was that sarcastic? I was just -

Robotnik: I spent 5 years in therapy trying to deal with sarcasm!

Robotnik began having an adult like hissy fit which resulted in him swinging a fist at Mario and missing.

Mario: Okay that's it! Nobody makes me flaccid and gets away with it! ITS ON!

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 20

Robotnik: Power Level 8

_Battle Music: E.G.G.M.A.N. by Paul Shortino_

(f you played Sonic Adventure 2, you'll know what I'm talking about)

Goombella: Alright! Kick his ass!

Mario: Shut the fuck up or I will rape you dead! I just wanted to get some pussy and leave but you got me into this bullshit!

Goombella: It's okay! Just jump on him and hit him with your hammer!

Mario: Bitch, I know how to jump! I'm fucking Mario! And how did you know I have a hammer!?

Robotnik impatiently punched Mario [1 Damage]

Mario: Ouch shit! Okay stop distracting me! I gotta put my foot up this guy's ass AND RAPE HIM WITH IT!

Mario jumps on Robotnik: [1 Damage]

Goombella: You got this! Don't give up!

Mario: Biiiiiitch! Don't just cheer me on! Fucking do something or are you one of those college girls who are only good for sucking dick and getting gangfucked by a pack of niggers!?

Robotnik uses ass blast on Mario: [1 Damage]

Mario uses Hammer but fucks it up a little: [1 Damage]

Robotnik: Oh please! My beautiful buns of brutality are far more fierce than your cheaply made jew hammer!

Robotnik uses ass blast: [Mario uses defense]

Mario: Your ass is like a pillow! I'd like to fuck it! That didn't even hurt one bit!

Mario uses hammer again but right: [2 Damage]

Robotnik: THAT'S IT! WHEN IM DONE WITH YOU, IM GONNA ASS FUCK YOU SO HARD THAT YOUR ASS BLEEDS AND WE BOTH GET AIDS! THEN IM GOING TO GO BACK TO YOUR HOMETOWN AND GIVE IT TO EVERYONE YOU'VE EVER CARED FOR!

Mario: GO AHEAD AND WASTE YOUR TIME! THERE IS NOBODY I FUCKING CARE FOR!

Robotnik charges with an ultimate ass blast attack worth 500 damage (strongest move in the game)

Mario deflects by shoving his fist up Robotnik's asshole: [1 Damage]

Robotnik rolled on his back and inexplicitly soiled himself from the harsh anal tension from Mario's fist thus embarrassing him.

Mario shakes all of the blood off of his hand and some gets on Goombella

Goombella didn't notice since she was recording the fight with her flip video camera to later upload on YouTube.

Goombella: Yay! You did it! I bet this'll go viral!

[END OF BATTLE]

Robotnik: Damnit! The 1 day that I didn't wear a diaper and I shat myself! CURSES!

Mario: What is your obsession with diapers anyway?

Robotnik stood with an embarrassing shit stain visible from the outside of his thin tights.

Robotnik: Oh im not done yet! I got 1 more trick in my pants!

Robotnik: X-Nauts!

A million freakin' X Nauts showed up

Robotnik: Get into your orgy positions of deth!

The X Nauts all started taking off their clothes under their masks and partook in disturbing sex positions.

Robotnik: Ready!?

Robotnik: ITS GO TIME!

Robotnik: PUNISH! THEIR! ASSHOLES!

Robotnik and the millions of X Nauts got into a violent sex orgy as Mario and Goombella snuck off. Their plan of gangraping Mario and Goombella failed miserably but they still had some pretty good fucking.

Goombella: This way!

Goombella pointed towards the direction despite not having hands.

Goombella: They all need to go to a loony bin. BIG TIME!

Mario: You bet your virgin cunt, they do!

Robotnik: MEN!

The X Nauts all got out of their sex positions.

Robotnik: We did it! We fucked them SO hard that they disintegrated into a million burnt cells so small that we can't even see them!

Lord Cru- I mean Robotnik looked into the sky, proud of his gay, retarded accomplishment that obviously didn't even happen.

Robotnik: Good work men! Mission accomplished! Now let's get back to the fortress. I have to catch a new episode of Orange is the New Black as I stick my hand down my pants and eat Hot Pockets! Hehe yeah.

**Chapture 1 - 4: Toadsworth's only legitimate scene**

**_[Ghettoport Central]_**

Goombella: Holy fuck that was terrifying... Thank you!.

Mario: Yeah its whatevs... It was kind of a boner killer though...wish you actually did shit in the fight.

Goombella: Oh... well in that case, heh. I don't normally do this, but since you totally just saved my life, I owe you this.

Goombella started walking toward him slowly and surely.

She started making out with Mario frantically

Mario wanted to save his man jizz for the waiting Princess, but due to the fact that he is a male, he couldn't resist. Mario is normally turned off by Goombas because…just look at them, they're fucking mushrooms with feet but Goombella had clothes on so it was kinda sexy, she was also light skinned and cute as fuck.

After an awkward 3 minute long make out scene, she began to unzip her clothes. Right as Mario grabbed her belt buckle, an elderly British butler of Peach's named Toadsworth (age 60) soon came out of no where and saw Mario and some blonde Goomba who thought she was in Jackie Chan.

Toadsworth starred in confusion before realizing what was actually happening, then he got behind Mario and started feeling him up, thinking he could make it a 3 way.

Mario back kicked him in the balls attempting to go for his shin but toads don't have legs

Toadsworth: AAHH!

Toadsworth received a huge purple old people bruise from the impact on his groin.

Goombella suddenly felt really embarrassed about the awkward make out session.

HAHA! You thought this fanfic would be more erotic huh!? You faggots thought this shit was going to turn all erotic, I bet you had your dicks out and everything. Why the fuck would you masturbate to a Paper Mario parody fanfic? You autistic, son?

Goombella: Oh my god! Sorry! I dont know what came over me! I'm not used to being saved ever…

Mario didn't give a shit.

Mario: Toadsworth!? What are you doing here!? Shouldn't you be guarding the castle?

[Cuts to a scene where a bunch of Bowser's Koopas, and Mushroom Kingdom citizens started pillaging and trashing up the castle with senseless violence.]

Toadsworth: Well... we do in fact keep the dark folk away from our vicinity known as the capital, so its all dandy.

Mario: I'm assuming you traveled here with Peach?

Toadsworth: Haha! It sheerly be of chronically ideal coincidence that we cross paths in such a pig stye as the south side of Mushroom Kingdom is it not? You see, we made venture in a halt because Peach and I had to gander at this rather negro affiliated location. We had to do a little thing called "trolling" a high class game rather where we fool the darker folk into shooting each other.

Mario: Sooo... Peach is here?

Toadsworth: Say! Did you catch that recent episode of Hell's Kitchen!? Boy, Gordon Goomsey really let this 1 guy have it I tell you! Haha! He told him, "you burn my fucking Shroom Cake in the fucking oven? Then I'll will fucking make like fucking Hitfuckingler, and fucking burn you in a fucking oven! Cause you fucking cook like a fucking jew!"

Mario became so frustrated that it... actually started to hurt the tip of his penis.

Mario: YOU OLD FUCK, PUT IN THE HEARING AID, TAKE YOUR ATTENTION PILLS OR WHATEVER AND JUST ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION, YOU HAIRY, OLD MUSHROOM FUCK!

Mario: IS

Mario: PEACH

Mario: HERE?

Toadsworth: Oh... Why yes! Peach must have sent you a letter. You must be looking for the fine temptress?

Toadsworth died a little...

Mario: Yes... Get to the point...

Toadsworth: Well... we lost her.

Mario facepalms in frustration for 10 awkwardly silent minutes.

Toadsworth: If it makes you feel better, we suspect that Bowser did it.

Mario: How the fuck did Bowser even know that she was here? Has she been updating her facebook with her location again? I fucking told her to stop doing that because that is very obviously the leading cause of her getting kidnapped. So what now? Off to Bowser's castle again? I'm gonna have to go all the way there after just getting here?

Toadsworth: I am not in the slightest certain. You know how she behaves while she is attired skin tight white ghetto leggings. I always inform her not to come crying to me when she becomes peckered by a congregation of negro men.

Mario: So wait... You're suggesting maybe she got murder-fucked?

Toadsworth: … Wait! Mario! I have an Idea!

Mario: ...

Toadsworth: You!

Mario: ...

Toadsworth: You're Super Mario!

Mario: ...what?

Toadsworth: You can do it! You always find a way to save the day! Haha! I knew you'd come here for a reason.

Mario: Welp... I

Toadsworth: I believe in you Master Mario! Now I have partaken of the whoozyness that is Xanax and I shall be off to slumber in the random inn behind us. If you need a place for rejuvenation, you can act upon such deeds in my room. Feel free to pull up Peach's mattress tranched in her cooch juices and period blood. Our room is upstairs above Podley's Pub. Now save peach or I shall have you executed!

Toadsworth walks away.

Goombella: God damn that felt like forever!

Mario: ... Pub huh? You know, this place might not be so bad... still smells like shit though. Ay, Goomba Girl, how old are you?

Goombella: 21!

Goombella started to blush.

Goombella: Also, there's no age rule against drinking here!

Mario: Sweet! Wanna grab a drink?

Goombella: Yeah sure.

**Chapture 1 - 5: Goombella's name is a play on "Goomba" and "Portabella"**

_**[Podley's Pub]**_

Mario and Goombella walk into a bar... and they started talking about relevant shit pertaining to the story that hopefully won't drag on too long.

Seen at the pub are a couple of shady looking goons that don't matter right now. They have the song Living after Midnight by Judas Priest playing which is 1 of the best stereotypical bar songs imaginable.

Goombella: So wait, did that guy mean that "thee" Princess Peach is missing!?

Mario: Are you fucking serious? I'm "thee" Mario, so why would you think I'd be rescuing anybody other than, "thee", Princess Peach. That bitch gets kidnapped all the time and every time it's mentioned on the news, they blow the story out of proportion and keep on talking about it for like weeks after I've rescued her and the problem has been solved.

Goombella: You don't have to go on a fucking rant, asshole. So you're really, "thee", Mario then? I thought you just kinda looked like him…you look a lot fatter and grosser in person…

Mario takes a shot of his rum

Mario: Wait, I thought you already knew that. Oh and fuck you.

Goombella: So you're Mario!? O.M.G.! I love your games!

The song changes to Black in Black by ACDC an even more generic bar song.

Mario: Yeah. Sorry about *burp* killing all Goombas?

Goombella: Well don't stereotype us... We're not all like that. But still! You're freaking Mario! That's so cool! And you're in a pub with me! That's... kind of hot!

She started to blush again along with getting a little wet in her panties. Just a little... but don't tell Mario. If you got hard from reading that then you should feel bad about who you are.

Goombella: So wait... What are you doing here exactly?

Mario: Well Peach made me meet her here or she'd have my ass executed and not sex her. She mailed me this treasure map that i've been whipping my nose with.

Mario took another intense shot of rum.

Goombella: A map? Lemme see! Lemme see!

Mario set the map down on the bar table

Goombella: Wait... This actually looks like something I've been studying this summer with my college professor. I came here with him on a research trip. He was only taking honer student's and chose me, also-

Mario interrupted rudely

Mario: Did you suck his fucking dick to get in?

Gombella: …..No.

Mario: Liar... But what does this have to do with Peach missing exactly?

A random guy far in the background of the pub rudely accumulated a loud fart that was casually ignored.

Goombella: I don't know, but we should see him, he's renting a house for this project that could actually involve that map! I kinda have a feeling this and the Princess may be connected.

Mario: None of this is making sense. I mean, this isn't like some fucking DiVinci code or nothing.

Goombella: Well. Think about. She sends you a map, then goes missing, this is textbook prologue formula. Now come on! No time to waste.

Goombella has joined Mario's party. Wait... It is even really a "party" yet?

Mario: Oh god damnit

**[Initiation Mode]**

Well assuming that you've played Paper Mario 2 or 1 even, you know about her bitching ability.

Goombella has the superpower of knowing about every person, place, and or thing along with their secrets except for Mario apparently. The book she carries around contains information on every enemy and boss in the fucking game, makes me kinda wonder if it has info on everyone in the entire world.

Goombella: See that purple skinned long haired woman next to you Mario? Shes a trap.

*Mario looks over at the trap sitting next to him at the bar*

Mario: ...

Goombella: A drag queen.

Mario: ...

Goombella: A transvestite

Mario: ...

Goombella: She's a dude.

Mario: EWW! I just tried to make a move on her... thanks I guess.

**[End of Initiation Mode]**

Mario: So, we have to go?

Goombella: Yeah! Besides, i'm starting to feel uncomfortable here. Everyone's been staring at us for this entire conversation, probably because you're the only normal human here and people like you are kinda rare.

Mario: ...ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffshit.

**Chapture 1 - 6: Wiggers live here too**

I'll assume if your reading this version you don't give 2 fucks about this scene either. You know that whole thing in the game where the bandit bumped into Mario and stole 50 of his coins? Yeah. That shit.

**Chapture 1 - 7: This story comes with a Professor.**

**[Professor Frankly (Age 67)'s House]**

Mario and Goombella entered the professor's house as he was passed out drunk on a bottle of Dalmore Scotch with a vacuum nozzle on his dick. His old ass can't handle his liquor like he used to so he must have passed out while fucking the vacuum so hard that not even knocking the door down could wake him up.

Goombella: Ah jeez. He reeks of liquor! It smells awful!

Mario rolled his eyes at Goombella when suddenly, he got an idea. Mario decided to play 1 of the most annoying, embarrassing and unintelligent songs known to mankind. He pulled out his cell phone, hooked it up to some speakers in his house, and started blasting Cat Scratch Fever by Ted Nugent on full volume.

The professor jumped as he was startled by the baffling garbage that is Ted Nugent! A bunch of random artifacts he brought with him also shook from the loud volume, several dildos fell off his shelf and onto the floor to Goombella's disgust.

Professor Frankly: TURN THAT SHIT OFF! IT'S LIKE SOMEONE TOOK THE HOLOCAUST AND CONVERTED IT INTO AUDIO!

Mario's plan worked successfully as the half Jewish, elderly forayed Albert Einstein in Goomba form grabbed Mario's phone and chucked it at the wall thus breaking it.

Mario: Hey that was my phone asshole! GOD DAMMIT THIS TRIP FUCKING SUCKS SO FAR!

Frankly: Robbers! All of you get out or i'm calling the Hawaiian mafia on you scum!

Mario: Not until I kick your anciently pruned ass!

Goombella: Whoa whoa whoa! Mario! Must you always pick a fight with everyone you meet?

Mario: Yes.

Goombella: And Professor, it's me. I was in your archaeology class last year.

Frankly: Saying "Its me" doesn't help. Wait... are you the student I gave an "A" for letting me gag you in the shower while you fingered yourself? No wait... she cancelled because another girl she didn't like was coming here.

Goombella: Yeah... No. Im the student from your Archaeology IV class you gave an "A" for doing that... mouth thing while I was in a clown suit.

Mario began to laugh his fucking ass off which made Goombella tear up a bit.

Frankly: Oy Vey! Goombella! Thats right! We flew here together. I remember now! While you were in the bathroom in the airport. I couldn't help but follow the smell of the Auntie Anne's section with that cinnamon pretzel sent they used. Yeah... I lost you and give up after I spent about a minute looking for you. I just assumed you got murder-fucked so I gave up. Anyway, yeah... your alive... How are you?

Goombella: I'm good. You know, I just finished my junior year at University of Goom! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Frankly: Yes, I got it! You told me before we left.

Goombella: Goombas…

Frankly: Wait who's that behind you? Isn't he 1 of our janitors? Are you sleeping with a janitor!?

Goombella: Yeah. Go sure... Anyway, we were hoping you'd tell Mario about that legend about the treasure underneath GhettoPort. I thought that if anyone knew more about it, you would. After all, you lectured us about it last year. Although I feel bad for spacing out during it.

Frankly: Oh. You're not the first, and you won't be the last. Alright so pay attention this time.

Frankly began to face Mario.

Frankly: Including you lard ass!

Frankly got Mario's attention as he dropped a shit ton of rare artifacts he was previously juggling in the air.

Frankly: I can cooperate with you however, you tykes just have to PAY ATTENTION! Now... First of all, about the treasure... There are many hypotheticals of what this treasure may be. Yes. Many rumors indeed. Some state that it may be a generic treasure chest, another star rod, rare drugs, sliced bread, porn, blueprints of a radioactive doomsday device that can alter our thermal atmosphere. I've read some book that it may even be Odin, or Satan, or Glycon the All Powerful, or some kind of Shadow Queen. Personally, its probably just an expired welfare check. Who knows what's actually in there. 1 thing I know for certain is that if you want to unlock the treasure, you must collect all 7 Star Spiri- I mean... all 7 Chaos Emer- Wait no... I actually mean all 7 Dragon Bal- No! Wait... I got it. Its actually all 7 Dedly Star Stones. What in Good Gandhi's Ghost is with all of these "7 objects?" Yeah... Its 1 those kinds of stories. No seriously. What is the obsession with collecting 7 objects!? Ehh who knows.

Goombella: Yeah! I remember you bringing up the 7 Dedly StarStones. They open this "Thousand-Year Door" I learned about in Art History II for a humanities credit. Once you open it, you find the treasure!

Frankly: Yes. Correct for a student that got by with sexual favors... But i'm afraid finding this treasure is impossible without the majical map. Once placed on the shrine facing the door, the map will give a location of the 7 dedly stars 1 by 1... Oh yes... Indeed impossible I must say.

Goombella: But Professor! You'll never guess this. Mario over there has the map!

Frankly: WHAT IN THE NAME OF COUNTESS BATHORY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! NO 1 HAS BEEN ABLE TO FIND THE LOST MAP IN HUNDREDS OF YEARS! Are you saying that this low life specimen has uncovered the ancient map?

Mario: Yeah... you bet your old yellow non toned goomba ass I have it!

Mario hands the map to Frankly.

Frankly: You bastard... If I had arms, I would punch you so hard in the stomach, that I will grab your spine out of your flesh making you my bitch.

Frankly: Columbus' Carcass! this seems to be the real deal! The Majical Map! You sir, I now actually have some slight respect for you now. You may have even just saved my career. Jumping Jehova! In that case, bring the map! we must bring it to the ancient door right away!

Goombella: But wait... Finding this alone is a huge discovery in on itself, don't you wanna examine it a little?

Frankly: There's no time I say! NO TIME!

Mario: Why do I feel like this will take much longer than "no time?"

Frankly: NO TIME!

**Chapture 1 - 8: If you thought the ghetto was bad?...**

[Ghettoport East]

Meanwhile as they traveled through the crummy irrigation system, they soon made it to Ghettoport's sewere. Can you imagine what that shit must smell like? I mean, you're in a fucking sewer... in a fucking 3rd world ghetto. You will probably die in real life. And I will laugh.

_**[Ghettoport Sewers]**_

As they exited the warp pipe, 3 horny, horny goombas were standing in front of them almost as if they know Mario and friends were going to come down.

GoomButch (goomba) (age 38): Ey Jew nosed pimp! (directed to Mario) Whos that hot piece of ANAL with you. Is she your bottom BITCH!?

GoomBalls(paragoomba) (age 43): I'd like to bite on her nipples till she gets a STITCH!

GoomBuddy (spiny goomba) (age 38): I wanna grind up her organs, and rub them on my dick till it starts to ITCH!

Goombella got really pale and started to feel shock and sickness that perverts actually managed to out perv Robotnik.

Mario: Can I help you 3?

Goombella: Oh my god! Does everyone in this fucking town have to be such a pervert! No! Really! Literally, EVERYONE I met here is a fucking perv!

GoomButch: We are 3 goombas and we like to fuck!

GoomBalls: You got a cunt? Well you sure are in luck!

GoomBuddy: I'm so horny, I could have sex with a duck!

Goombella: EWW! Mario! Please kill these guys. Shit on them if you have to. I don't care! These gooms are really making me wanna BLLEEEEEEGGGGG!

Goombella barfed all over Mario

Mario: AHH! GOOMBELLA! You Bitch! I just finally got Luigi's barf out of my overalls!

Frankly: It appears you got 1 of each class of Goomba you're up against. Incase you haven't noticed. Look out for Goombuddy. His bought a metal boob helmet probably from some kind of back alley porno convention with him. That shit can do more damage. And Goomberry flies. So you can't use ground attacks!

Goombella: Okay! Mario, I'll forget about the gore. Lets just kills these ass clowns before I kill myself!

GoomButch: Then all that would leave is your body.

GoomBalls: We like necrophilia, its quite the hobby.

GoomBuddy: We'll pound you all day till your corpse is all floppy.

Frankly: That last 1 didn't rhyme so well...

Goombuddy: Hey man, fuck you!

Goomballs: We will, we're bi too!

GoomButch: My favorite place to fuck is in the zoo!

Mario: Okay! Stop the fucking rhymes already! You're not Team Fucking Rocket, alright!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

_Battle Music: Oooooh Yeah by Yello_

Mario: Power Level 20

Goombella: Power Level 18

v.s.

GoomButch: Power Level 3

GoomBuddy: Power Level 4

GoomBalls: Power Level 3

GoomButch: I'm gonna mop the floor with you using my penis!

GoomBalls: Anything sexual can easily please us!

GoomBuddy: I once masterbated to a fetus!

Mario: ...w...why...?

Goombella uses tattle on Goomballs.

Goombella: This is Goom...balls... He has a power level of OH JUST KICK HIS ASS ALREADY!

Mario uses feet power to jump on him twice thus splattering him: [2 Damage]

The goombas were way too horny to care about 1 of their best friends getting killed.

Goombutch jumps on Mario: [1 Damage]

Goombuddy jumps on Goombella: [2 Damage]

Goombutch: That should have killed you! Why are you here!?

Goombuddy: I wanna knock you out, and do you in the rear!

Goombella: Ugg. These guys are the worst.

Goombella uses tattle again.

Goombella: This is Goombuddy. Kill him next. He wants to fuck me in the ass!

Mario uses hammer of morning wood crushing him under his helmet: [2 damage]

Goombutch: Take your last breath, cause i'm gonna kill you. Afterward, i'm gonna... stick my... dick... in you. I CAN'T RHYME ON MY OWN!

Goombutch jumps on Mario: [Mario deflects it countering with 1 Damage]

Goombella uses tattle: Hes an ordinary fuckin goomba...

Mario finishes him off with a hammer smashed face. Thats a Cannibal Corpse reference: [2 Damage]

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Goombella: YAY! We killed them! And i'm not vomiting! Awesome Sauce!

Mario: Dont... Please don't ever say that again.

Goombella: Sorry.

Frankly: Hey wait a second! Aren't you that one expert of exterminating the Goomba race!

Mario: Yes sir I am.

Frankly: You sir have earned much more respect from me! Those low class degenerate Bowser Goombas make us all look like a species of dullards. All the more applause to you good sir.

Mario: Yeah. I guess thats a way of looking at it.

They then walked past the goomba corpses without any regards or remorse whatsoever

After a few minor obstacles, they got stuck. They then found a spooky borderline satanic looking treasure chest. Maybe its a portal to hell? Wanna find out? Well, READ THIS DAMN PARODY AND FIND OUT! Although you've probably played the game so never mind.

Black Chest Voice (age 1032): Yo sup niggas.

Mario: You... you mean us don't you...

Black Chest Voice: Ye. I can hear yo asses waddlin' all up in here. What? Wanna start some shit? Bitch!

Goombella: What? No! We're kind of just stuck on this obstacle where the door is way too high up for us to get to.

Black Chest Voice: Thats cool. Listen here. Wanna know how long my ass has been stuck in this chest? Get this, we talkin' 1000 years, nigga.

Mario: You know, you don't sound 1000 years old but you do sound like you're trying to hard to speak ghetto.

Frankly inspected the chest.

Frankly: He's not even a real black chest, he was spray painted black, I see white spots on the back.

Black Chest Voice: Bitch! Don'chu bu judgin' me up in this bitch! You wanna start some shit? 1000 years in this box can drive you all mad n' shit.

Mario: Again, we Don't want to "start shit." Alright bitch?

Goombella: Mario, just stop...

Goombella: Hey box person, if we can unlock you out of your box, do you think you can help us out and get to the next door.

Black Chest Voice: Whoa whoa whoa... No 1 said anything about openin' no boxes. But yes. That'd be pretty cool girl... Hey! You wanna start some shit!?

Goombella: Okay, now I think you're just goofing around with that whole "start some shit" gag.

Black Chest Voice: Hehe yeah bitch. Hey, while we still talkin, any chance you lookin for a good fix?

Goombella: What do mean by "fix?"

Black Chest Voice: I MEAN, DRUGS. like, crack n' shit.

Goombella got confused do to the fact that crack was not invented until the 1970s. She just assumed that being trapped in a box for so long made the voice delusional enough to start talking "black"

Goombella: Oh! Heh... No thanks. We should really find your key though.

Mario exits from a door behind them after entering it some time ago during the conversation.

Mario: You mean this key? And Yes! Don't listen to her, we would LOVE some crack!

Goombella: Where'd you find that!?

Mario: Well, you told me to "just stop," so I just ADHDed out, looked in that room behind us, and actually DID something useful!

Black Chest Voice: Ah hell ye! Now slip that thick black rod in so you can open mah box!

Mario: God damnit.. Now i'm horny.

Frankly lets out a laugh

Frankly: The fucking key is spray painted black too!

Mario inserts the key into the animus chest when suddenlyyyyyyyyyy,,,,,,

Black Spirit: Ah heel nah! All yallz is suckas!

Black Spirit comes out of the chest thus isolating Mario in a background of darkness.

Black Spirit: YOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYO!

_Where da Hood At? by DMX starts playing._

Mario: Oh HELLLLLL NO!

Black Spirit: Bitch! You fell for mah motha fuckin' trap nigga! Ah ye! It gets wors up n' dis shit! So get this, get this. I just popped a curse on yo ass!

Mario: Are you FUCKIN' KIDDING ME!? FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!

Black Spirit: Hehehe yeee. You wanna hear 'bout mah curse I just dropped all up in yo ass!? From now on, you gon' be turnin' into a mutha fuckin' paper plane nigga! But only when you rub your ASS on a gray stoned platform with 1 of dem' shrines of a paper airplane! And when I say "rub yo ass," I ain't talkin' 'bout none of dat figurative jive, I mean you "literally" gotta "RUB YO ASS" fo it to work. Got that nigga?

Mario was confused as if he actually got cursed or if the spirit was just high.

Mario: Uhh... Oh noo... don't do that... Anything but that...

Black Spirit: Hahaha! You fucked now bitch! You FUCKED! Now if you don't mind, i'm gonna go pay Snoop Chomp a visit! That way I can possess his ass and smoke weed all day! Gotta fly!

The spirit flies away to possess Snoop Chomp apparently.

The background turns back to normal.

Goombella: Whoa! What the fuck was that! Mario! Are you alright.

Mario: Yeah im good. Apparently in that thing's words. "My ass is cursed."

Goombella: Oh shit! We'll I'll be on guard if anything happens. Like, do think that was the ghost of King Ramesses or something?

Frankly: Don't be stupid! Hes an ancient pharaoh from 1300 BC! Maybe if you payed attention in class instead of writing your absurd fan fiction, you'd learn a thing or 2!

Frankly: Speaking of nothing, what in ragnarok is this platform?

Goombella: What is it?

Frankly: Im not quite sure. It appears to contain a shrine of some sort of airplane like shape. And why is it facing the direction of that high up doorway.

Mario began to recollect his recent curse as he then got an obvious idea.

Mario: Hey let me see this.

Goombella and Frankly began to stare at Mario in confusion as to what he was planning.

Mario began to stand on the stone platform. As soon as he got on, he unbuttoned his overalls, pulled down his pants and leopard skinned thong. He began rubbing his fat greasy hairy unkempt ass like a dog with a rash on the shrine.

Frankly: Good Miyamoto, Mario! Show some dignity!

Goombella: Eww! I was hoping your ass would be hott unlike the rest of you but god, you're fucking disgusting! It looks like 2 deflated hot air balloons!

Mario began to glow as he transformed into an airplane version of himself. He began to hover in the air.

Mario: Alright you 2. Get on!

Frankly: Bon Jovi! If we get on Mario, maybe he'll be able to take us to the door.

Goombella: Are you sure?

Frankly: Yes! Lets get on already!

Mario and friends flew to the door and crashed into the wall above the doorway with no physical consequences whatsoever.

Goombella and Frankly got off of Mario's plane shaped body just fine as Mario reanimated back into his human form.

Mario then landed on Goombella comedically.

Goombella: Get your gross ass off me!

Frankly began to walk through the path.

Frankly: This way!

As last, Mario and friends finally made it to the cathedral sized room containing the ancient door facing them.

Frankly: Look you 2! There it is! The Ancient Door for legends! Its real! Haza!

Mario: Uhh... yeah. Kinda hard to miss a giant red fucking door the size of holy hell. Why is it that the door looks so fancy but the entire sewer looks like shit?

Frankly: Quit ruining the moment Mario! Come! Lets us partake in a closer look.

Mario: I'd like to partake in my foot in your ass...

Frankly: What was that? Oh never mind.

Goombella: Hey Professor, what's with this weird pedestal?

Frankly: That must be where you place the map! Mario! Stand on that thing and raise up the map!

Mario: Am I gonna die?

Frankly: Well... Maybe. Hopefully yes!

Mario: Alright then. Anything to get me out of this shit.

Mario got on the pedestal and raised the map as Frankly ordered. The map started glowing and hovering a few feet above him. A giant shrine surrounding the platform also started to shine around him.

Mario: This feels like a satanic ritual mixed with Indiana Jones shit!

The map began to animate a drawing of a castle shaped like a dugtrio on the middle right handed corner with an indication of 1 of the 7 dedly stones marked on it. The left and right of the 3 towers were tilted at 30 degree angles slanted from being vertical. Lets hope that this is just featured in the drawing and that the castle isn't actually like that. That would be the worst architectural structure ever.

The map then stopped glowing and dismissed suspension as the ritualistic process concluded thus landing in Mario's hands.

Goombella: Whoa! That was crazy! What did the map just do there!?

Frankly gazes at the map.

Frankly: Hrmmm... How did that castle drawing get ther- Oh yeah. That ritual! Astounding! Now that we've witnessed this first hand, I can finally be famous for telling people about everything we just saw.

Mario: No... I'm pretty sure they'll just lock you up in a psych ward.

Frankly: Oh to hell with all of you. To the lab everyone!

Frankly suddenly referred to his house as "the lab" like he was some kind of pretentious asshole. (Which he is)

**Chapture 1 - 9: Tentacles are natures dildos!**

Frankly's House

Mario and friends returned back to Frankly's house to analyse the map.

Frankly: Good news everyone! I finally figured something out about the map!

Goombella: What is it professor?

Frankly: It turns out that months that begin on a Sunday will always have a Friday the 13th. In Jewish mythology, Sunday refers to the day of the sun right? Well, when its Sunday, how many days does it take to get to Friday? 6! Well, whats 13 minus 6? 7! 7 can also refer to 7 dedly stars. Besides the sun, you can't see stars during the day, but when can you see stars? Night time! Where you can also see the moon! Back to my point about the 13th, there are 13 full moons in a year. What else is the moon known for? Controlling the earth's tide. Well, when the 7 dedly stars were made a thousand years ago, it caused a cataclysm where the tides went rampad! Which caused people problems. And when people have troubles with water, what do you do? They call a plumber! And whos a plumber with the map guiding us to the 7 dedly stars that can solve a problem!? Mario!

Goombella: That... just sounded like a theory you just pulled out of your ass.

Mario: I'm not even a fucking plumber anymore! How the fuck does this shit even make sense!

Mario got mad as he impulsively smashed a hole in Frankly's wall with his fist.

Frankly: Don't you see! You have a majical map power!

Goombella: Uhh... Mario... I think the Professor is off his meds... Like, this is starting to freak me out.

Frankly: We must test this!

Goombella and Mario: NO!

Mario: I swear to god I am going to slit your throat and stick my dick in there and skull fuck you as I use your blood as lubricate! You hear me! So help me god!

Frankly did not know how to reply to that, yet he was impressed with Mario's ability to stand up to him as not many oftenly do this.

Frankly: Well... speaking of maps, I have to ask, where in Odin's beard did you find it?

Mario: Some dumb high school prom queen wannabe bitch.

Goombella: Princess Peach mailed it to him!

Frankly: Princess Peach you say!? Why thats quite a celebrity! She was asking me what it was earlier. So I told her it was treasure and then to fuck off thinking she was that student that I 72ed with. Did you know that she doesn't do any of the political work in the Kingdom?

Mario: Yes. And now i'm trying to save her so I can fix her plumbing. And by "fix her plumbing," I mean stick my dick in her va-

Frankly: Astounding! It appears that the map has an identical function of that to a radar! That ritual earlier must have installed an image of the first dedly star! It seems that you will have to head to the Petal Meadows east from here.

Goombella: Petal Meadows...?

Mario: Of course. The first level is always a fucking grass level. How overwhelming...

Goombella: But wait. How do we get there exactly?

Frankly: Well simple. You walk there!

Mario: Yeah but, how do we get there and you know, not do that?

Frankly: You 2 are so lazy! *Sigh* Youth always wasted on the young. I dont know! Find another warp pipe that will take you there.

_**[Ghettoport East]**_

Frankly: NOW ALL OF YOU! GET OUT OR I WILL HAVE YOU 2 ASSASSINATED BY THE HAWAIIAN MAFIA FOR ROBBING MY HOUSE!

Mario and Goombella silently leave while the door slams behind them as if Frankly went senile and traced back when they first met in the beginning of part 1 - 7.

Goombella: *Sigh* That was so dumb. So if we do find this warp pipe, where do you think it' ll be?

Mario: Up my ass. I don't know. Let head this way!

Mario: Hey Goombella. Check this out. I stole his power smash badge! Now he can't add an extra 2 damage on opponents while using a hammer function! But I can!

Goombella: I wanna call you an asshole, but that may have just been the smartest thing I've seen you do so far.

Soon after that pointless drama, they realized it would have just been smarter to go back through the same warp pipe from earlier and find some more results that way. Hopefully, we don't run into anymore rapey rhyming goombas like last time.

_**[Ghettoport Sewers]**_

Mario and Goombella later found a room with a brown warp pipe. The only problem with entering the warp pipe is the huge body of dirty ass fucking water blocking the way.

Mario: Shit... I guess were gonna have to swim through this.

Goombella: Wait! Mario! The water in this region is overpopulated with-

Like Luigi, Mario got bit by a fucking nibbles causing him to fly, crash on the ceiling, and land flat on the ground. causing 1 damage

Goombella: Like I was saying, the water in this region is overpopulated with these Chain Chomp looking fish things called "nibbles'."

Mario: ... God dammit! What is with these obstacles!?

Goombella: Don't worry Mario! I'm sure we can-

Mario: No! How the fuck are we gonna get through here!

Mario randomly found/ hammer smashed a random long white tentacle sticking out of the water just dangling there like some deformed cock or something.

The tentacle happened to be attached to this disturbing looking squid thing that appears in alot of Mario Hentai known as a "blooper." His name is Big Blubbah (Age 27)

Big Blubbah (Age 28): ARUUUGHEGPBJFFSDAUGFUCKHERRIGHTINTHEPUSSYFEIUBENUGFBEUFBERRRRR!

Mario: Hey look! Its 1 of those endangered retards that live in the sea! Hows it going!?

Goombella: Wait, I took a language class on other species! Although I got a C- in that class...

Big Blubbah: GRIGODHFNDOJCDDOUBLEPENETRATIONCODJFFEOFHEF

Goombella: OH HELL! That thing just said that he wants to double penetrate us with his tentacles!

Mario: You mean that thing wants to rape us!? Oh you are so ded you glow in the dark dildo!

Big Blubbah: FEIOFHEFIENFOEFBEFUBEUOEBUIWILLPUNISHYOURASSHOLESANDURETHRAS

Goombella: NOW THAT THING IS SAYING THAT IT WANTS TO FUCK US INSIDE OUT AND THROUGH THE MOUTH! Mario! We are so killing this thing!

Mario: Sweet! I love killing things!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

_Battle Music: 99 Ways To die by Megadeth_

Mario: Power Level 14/20

Goombella: Power Level 13/18

v.s.

Big Blubbah: Power Level 18

Big Blubbah's tentacle: Power Level 5

Big Blubbah's tentacle: Power Level 5

(lets just say it's power level is 28)

The blooper suddenly began hanging from the ceiling during the fight

Mario: You look like a moldy dilator used for giving cheerleader's blue waffles! You also smell like shit!

Big Blubbah: ODFHDVOJNDSGOJSDGNRAPEFOEFHEFOSEJFB

Goombella: That thing wants to make us our... waifu...

Goombella uses tattle: Thats a blooper. It has a power level of 18. Bloopers are very horny creatures that are psychologically blinded by their own sex drives. They live for 1 purpose and 1 purpose only; penetration.

Mario: Yeah... I kind of know what bloopers do. I'm even why they're endangered.

Mario uses jump on 1 of the tentacles: [2 Damage]

Big Blubbah uses tentacle smack on Goombella: [1 Damage]

Big Blubbah uses tentacle smack on Mario: [1 Damage]

Mario: That thing almost fucked us!

Goombella: Yeah! We gotta be careful or next time, he'll put those things inside us!

Big Blubbah: EEFOHEFIBFDIBCHEWMEOUTDSIBI

Goombella: Now he wants us to tastes his tentacles!

Mario: Fuck that shit!

Goombella uses jump on the stronger tentacle: [2 Damage]

Mario: Whoa! When did you learn how to fight!?

Goombella: Yeah, I took a women's self defense class back in college.

Mario: Wait, so that means you could have fought that Robotnik guy on your own!? What the fuck! Ah whatever.

Mario and Goombella continued the fight with the blooper as Mario thought of a brilliant idea!

Mario: I got an idea!

Mario began as he rolled up a joint with a bag of the fire weed he purchased earlier.

Goombella: What! You're ACTUALLY gonna get high NOW!?

Mario: Well... yeah, but i'm also gonna smoke his ass down!

Mario pulled out a lighter and took a big ass hit of fireweed. Instead of smoke, he blew fire all over the blooper destroying all of his tentacles resulting in paralyzing him. [3 Damage All]

Goombella uses jump: [2 Damage]

Mario uses hammer: [2 Damage]

The blooper remained paralyzed

Goombella uses jump: [2 Damage]

Mario uses the power smash badge to bash it's brains open: [4 Damage]

At that point, Mario kept "beating a dead horse" by smashing it with a hammer repetitively trenching both Mario and Goombella in the blooper's blood.

Goombella: Alright Mario! Thats enough! Hes dead!

Mario: Sorry. I'm just really stoned right now.

Mario levels up raising his power level to 30

**[END OF BATTLE]**

And so, new fucked up adventures await Mario and his newly acquainted friend; Goombella! Who knows what adventures they will face beyond their warp pipe journey! What kind of characters will they face? And what more will we learn about the 7 dedly stars? Many questions will be read once we break on through to the other side next chapture on SUPER MARIO AND THE THOUSAND YEAR DRAMA!

\- To be continued

Credits Music: I'm Against it by the Ramones

Credits:

Creator: IAMMASTER

Co Editor: Nipplord


	2. Chapture 2: The Archaic Adventure!

Disclaimers:

This is a parody of Paper Mario and the Thousand Year Door. All characters and various other royalties of Paper Mario are all reserved to Nintendo and Intelligent System as this is for parody use only.

This is an entirely separate universe from the original Paper Mario universe, so expect many inconsistencies made on purpose for comedic effect.

This story contains offensive content such as racist jokes, sexual content, sexism, drug use, a fuckload of violence, and a lot of other offensive shit that we can make jokes about. If you don't like offensive humor then I recommend not reading this but if you still decide to then please leave a comment about how offended you are, I'll get a kick out of it.

If you loved this game as a child and wish to preserve it as pure and full of childhood wonder in your mind then we recommend not reading this because it will fuck you up.

This parody is rated M for ENJOY!

**Super Mario and the**

**Thousand Year Drama!**

**(Kai Version)**

**Chapture 2: The Archaic Adventure! Without a Sword?**

Last time! On Super Mario and the Thousand Year Drama! Mario was given a rude awakening by his brother. He soon gave Mario a letter from the Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom telling him to meet her at an unfamiliar town known as Ghettoport on a search for treasure. Then, Mario encountered an archeology student goomba girl who he wound up saving from the deranged man child; Robotnik. After getting to know 1 another and learning more about the treasure, they tracked down her professor who uncovered ever more knowledge about it. They later traveled with them to the sewers to find the ancient door associated with the treasure. 1ce they entered the room of the door, they harnessed a ritual of the map animating a location of 1 the 7 objects made to open the door. We now see them embarking on their first of many adventures to come to opening this door. Find out what event take form this issue of Super Mario! and the a Thousand! Year! Drama! Assuming you never played the original game..

**Chapture 2 - 1: Road to Petalburg! Not to be confused with Pokemon Ruby/ Sapphire.**

_**[Petal Meadows]**_

At long last, their 15 abysmal hour ride through the vile brown warp pipe finally came to a conclusion. Mario and his recent partner Goombella entered the fresh green plains of the Petal Meadows. Goombella: Finally! We made it out of that disgusting warp pipe! We finally made it! The Petal Meadows!

Goombella saw Mario sat down on the warp pipe with his overalls down as he began defecating inside of it like the slimy fuckstain he is.

Goombella: Mario! What the hell are you doing!?

Mario: I'm shitting.

Goombella: No duh! But do you have to do it in the warp pipe? It smells! What if someone else is going through the warp pipe and gets hit by your shit!?

Mario: Hey! I was holding it in all day!

They then got distracted with a loud obnoxious roar of a foul beast.

Hooktail (1250): RRAAAAAAWWWWWRRRRR! IIM AA FUUUCCKINGG DRRAAGGOOOOOONNNNNN!

Goombella: Whoa! That thing is huge! I never thought I would see a dragon in my life! What about you Mario?

Mario: Well of course I have. Who the hell do you think I am?

Goombella: Its flying to the castle… So does this mean-

Mario: Yes. We are going to murder, or possibly even murder-fuck that dragon... for the star.

Goombella: Ah geez Mario.

Mario: Yep! Welp, in order to get there, we gotta head right to find people to talk to before we go there.

Goombella: Well can't we just walk directly to the castle from here?

Mario: Trust me. If you've played any RPG, you'd know these adventures only work when you start out going an entirely different direction.

Goombella: Welp, whatever you say. You're the expert of adventuring apparently...

Goombella began to notice 2 large stones with 1 containing a hole resembling the shape of the sun, and the other the moon.

Goombella: Say!? I wonder, what are these 2 runic stones for?

Mario: Goombella! Cut the archeology crap! We gotta go before you explore another rock that I end up throwing at you!

Goombella: You're an asshole!

**Chapture 2 - 2: Turtles are Socially Awkward**

_**[Petalburg]**_

After a couple hours of blindly walking east through the petal meadows, they finally made it to a Jewish village.

Koopari (Age 31): Shalom! Hehe. What can I do for you 2 for you fine travelers?

Mario: Hebrew? Alright... what ever. What is this place exactly?

Koopari: Oh... Well this is Petalburg sir! We don't often find ourselves acquainted with many travelers. Alot of people try to avoid this area on account that we have a terrifying red dragon named Hooktail living near by.

Goombella: Wait... a red dragon? Mario! We saw 1 just like that when we got here! Wait... so its name is "Hooktail?" Haha! Ooooooo. Sounds really terrifying to me!

Mario: Ha! Yeah. Hooktail? Sounds more like "Hookertail" if you ask me!

Goombella: So out of curiousity, are yoou familiar with these things known as the 7 dedly stars?

Koopari: Hmmm... the 7 dedly stars? Well golly! That sounds kind of spooky if you ask me. You might want to go speak to our mayor! He lives in a pink house. If you keep heading along the path, you'll find it.

Goombella: Thank you!

Koopari: Alright then. Welcome to Petalburg!

As they searched for the pink house (that they already passed cause they're morons), a young female Koopa wearing pink with a strawberry blonde ponytail identical to Goombella's hair saw them.

Koopie Koo (Age 19): Oh hi there! You 2 must be the new tourists I've been hearing about! My name is Koopie Koo! The prettiest girl in this village.

Koopie Koo began to direct her attention towards Goombella.

Koopie Koo: And look at you over there! I see you like my style cause, you know, you have my make up and hair style!

Goombella: Well aren't you concieded! Come on Mario! The bitch obviously can't seem to find an original style of her own!

Koopie Koo: Hey wait a second, I recognize that hat and overall get up anywhere! And that mustache! O.M.G.! YOUR FREKIN' MARIO! LIEK! I LOVED PLAYING YOUR GAMES!

Mario: Hey Goombella. I feel like this girl is looking for a fresh dickin' from me.

Koopie Koo: LOL! I have a boyfriend. But thanks for the compliments. Especially from a real man like you. So wait... if you're here, does that mean you're going to get rid of the dragon!? Thats AWESOME! Cause I've been really scared that 1 of these days, that it's gonna go after ME next!

Goombella: Well we can sure hope so!

I don't think Goombella likes girls that remind her too much of herself. She can be a little complicated.

Mario: Yeah. We're gonna murder-fuck the shit out that dragon!

Koopie Koo: Well thats amazing! WOW! you're so brave! It's kinda sexy... I wish my boyfriend Koops were half as brave as you. He is the biggest fucking bitch in the village. I'm only with him cause I feel sorry for him. You know, when we have sex, he can only last for 30 seconds on average. Then afterwards he hides in his shell and starts weeping and crying for 40 minutes. Oh shit! Was that liek, T.M.I?

Goombella: Yes. You are a terrible person and I hope you get rabies and someone has to beat you to deth with a blunt object.

Koopie Koo: Woooooow! Really? Fuck you too girlfriend!

Mario:We should go look for the Mayor.

Goombella: Yeah. Lets go before I kill a bitch.

Mario yet again found the wrong house as he is now about to enter Koops' house knowing that it's the color orange.

Goombella: Wait Mario! That's the wrong house again!

Mario: I know! I just like breaking into people's houses here!

Goombella: But you just complained about getting side tracked... ah forget it.

Mario opened the door rudely without any means of knocking. And get this. Guess who they walked in on? A koopa wearing a crusty light blue hoodie with a lazy eye and bandage on his nose named Koops (Age 18). Guess what he was doing? He was trying to suck his own dick! His plan failed as he immediately got startled and turned of by Mario's sudden presence.

Mario and Goombella: AAAHH!

Koops: AHH! HOLY SHIT!

Mario and Goombella on impulse slammed the door shut.

Mario: **That is 1 out of 6 things I wish I could unsee.**

At what felt like long last, they finally reached a level of competence to find the Mayor's house. He is an old green skinned Koopa with a cain.

As usual, Mario rudely opens the door without any regards for knocking or finding a doorbell to ring.

Mayor Kroop (Age 341): Oy! robbers! ROBBERS! Welp murder me if you'd like. I'm well past my prime anyway. Take what you will. I don't even care anymore. Heck, you can take the whole jibblin' town for all I care! Everyone here is going to be eaten by the dragon anyway. Who are you again?

Goombella: Hello. We are here in search for the 7 dedly stars. Do you happen to know of such things sir?

Mayor Kroop: Well, why didn't you say so before, you both almost gave me a heart attack you ijits! So you 2 are hunting for the 7 dedly stars you say? Ermmmmm...Wait... I think know what you whipper-snappers are talking about!

Mayor Kroop: Aha! I Remember now! That dang ol' Hooktail! That dragons got exactly what you're looking for! It is an enormous, dragon that has been terrorizing our village for many many centuries. So you know Hooktail?

Goombella: Of course we do! We saw it flying towards its castle when we came here!

Mario: Yeah! And now that we know for sure it has the star, we're gonna go there and murder-fuck it!

Goombella: Mario, can you stop saying "murder-fuck?" Its getting old. Uhh... No offense mayor by using the word "old". Cause, I understand you situation... with being old... and stuff.

Mario: Goombella... shut the hell up.

Mayor Kroop: Well sounds to me like we have a couple of noble warriors, indeed... What did you say your name was, again?

Mario: Uhh... The names Mario.

Goombella: And I'm Goombella.

Mayor Kroop: Alright, so listen up. Since you both seem to be heading towards Hooktail's castle? There's a shortcut to get there! There is a secret warp pipe near this village. I forget where it is located, but I know you 2 need to find some doohickeys in order to finds that sneaky pipe there! There are 2 stone keys that are used to activate that very pipe. Just keep heading east, and eventually, you both will find them both somewhere in Shhwonk Fortress. Well… You must get going now and do away with that darn ol' Hooktail beast! I'll go have the gatekeeper open the east gate for you.

Goombella: Excellent! Well thank you for your information! It's been oh so helpful!

Mario and Goombella head towards the east gate where they will embark on a tedious adventure inside another more interesting adventure about to happen.

Mario: Hey there. So apparently, we received an approval from the mayor that we can pass sooo...

Koopeter (Age 22): Ah yes. You 2 are the famous visitors about to save us from that dragon I've already heard so much about!

Goombella: Yes! Thats us. So I have to ask, why do you only use a long branch as a gate? It just looks really ineffective to be honest. Like. Can't people just walk over it?

Koops attempted to sprint towards them even though he can't run for shit cause he sits in his room all day.

Koops: HEY! Excuse me! I... can I uh… like… talk to you! PLEASE!

Mario: Oh hey! Your that Koopa that can't suck his own dick! Whats up!?

Koops: Uhh... Yeah... I came to apologize about that again before you go. Again, sorry you saw that... I was really panicking. It really was like uhh... the worst first impression I've ever made in my life ever!

Goombella: Uhh... okay...

Koops: Im... uhh.. my name is... kind of like... Koops! And I heard you were like, heading to Hooktail's castle or something right?

Mario: Yes? Go on...

Koops: Well... Ummmm... Oh, just... Just ... AH Nevermind! Never mind! Fuck it! Ignore me! I never came here to talk to you! I don't exist! I'm not here right now! Good bye! Good bye forever!

Goombella: Ooooookaaaayyy... wow... He's gotta be the most uncomfortably awkward person I've ever met in my life! Like seriously! Hes got Major issues! Right Mario!? What do you think THAT was all about?

Mario: Ugh... Yeah really... Why do I have the feeling that he's gonna join our adventure?

Goombella: Jeez. Don't put that image in my head. He seems like the kind of person who would try and molest me in our sleep.

**Chapture 2 - 3: Level 2: Whomp's... I meant Shhwonk's Fortress!**

_**[Shhwonk's Fortress!]**_

While you successfully avoided some dumb filler, the 2 heroes went through dumb misleading fortresses and finally found the ACTUAL fortress. Congrates!

Mario and Goombella entered Shhwonk's Fortress. There was 1 rock head thing on a pillar. Were talking about a big ass Thwomp shaped thing facing them while entering the door. Need a description? Look up "Thwomp!"

Mario: Fuck. We gotta fight another 1 of these things. Well, at least there's only 1 this time.

Mario attempts to smash it with his hammer.

Mario: Fuck! Its not working!

As Mario continues to hopelessly slam it, he begins to curse at it.

Mario: COME ON! BITCH ASS! DIP SHIT! FIGHT ME YOU STUPID FUCK!

Thwomp (Age 1039): WHO ARE YOU CALLING A STUPID FUCK!?

Goombella: Holy shit! It talks!

Thwomp: MMMMMHMMMMMHOHOHOHOHOHOHAHAHAHAHHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHHEFHFHESFHSDFHSGHSDFHSEHFHFSHDSEH!

Thwomp: Looks like you 2 are my first contestants in centuries I must say. You 2 must be searching for the stone keys! If you want them, you must play my game!

Mario: Is this shit stain serious?

Thwomp: SILENCE! If you win, you shall pass! However, if you lose, not only shall you NOT pass! You will suffer a fate worse than leprosy!

Thwomp: So, would you like to challenge me in my game!?

Mario: Fuck it. Why not?

Goombella: Mario! This guy seems pretty serious.

Mario: Relax. Were trying to get the dedly star right?

Goombella: Yeah, but we could have walked to the castle directly and could have been there awhile ago.!

Mario: Ehh... We'll be fine.

Thwomp: Ahaha! A daring choice indeed... LET US PLAY!

the entire room changed from having the texture of ancient stone walls to a modern day game show esc background. Lights were flashing everywhere, and many audience members were in the background. Odd enough as it is since there was no advertisements for this game show. Especially with this event occurring with no notifications from TicketMaster. It just doesn't make any fucking sense how there would be a fucking audience in the first place. THIS PARODY IS STARTING TO LOSE ITS GRIPS ON REALITY AHAAAAHAHHHHHHHH! Fuck it! I quit!

Not really.

So anyway, a majical game show booth suddenly appeared in front of Mario and Goombella along with a microphone appearing in front of the Thwomp.

Any Game Show music you can imagine starts to blast

Mario and Goombella: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?

Mario: I DON'T REMEMBER TAKING NO ACID!

Thwomp: Hello ladies and germs and bald headed sperms! Sit down those rears and perk up your ears! Welcome, everybody, to the 65.276th Super Duper Amazing Wacky Holocaust Funtime QuizQuake!

Goombella: Mario! I'm scared!

Mario: Yeah no duh.

Thwomp: The rules of the game are that if you answer 3 of the 5 questions correctly, you win! Get 2 of 'em wrong, and you will entertain the audience by dying from the dedly disease worse than leprosy! Shall we begin!

Mario: Can't we sue him for this!?

Thwomp: Errr! Wrong Answer!

Goombella: WHAT!?

Thwomp: AHAAA! Just kidding! Just wanted to see the look on your face! Now then! Question 1:

Okay, normally I would let Mario answer these, but I'm gonna try and be a fucking dick by theoretically having YOU phone Mario the answers.

Most of these questions are going to be based off what you've read exclusively in this parody. If you haven't read the uncut version of chapture 1, and this chapture before this scene, you might be screwed.

Try and see if you can answer all of these questions on your own without looking back at the previous points of the story.

The answers will be on the very bottom of this of this page.

Regardless of if you're right or not, this wont have any impact on you continuing the parody No manner what happens, Mario will win this quiz. I know, I just spoiled that part. This is a reading document. I do not have online quiz scripts programmed in this shit! Wanna play a shitty quiz, go on Facebook!

Thwomp: Now then, Question 1:

**Why is Mario on an adventure?**

A. For treasure

B. For sex with Peach

C. So he won't get executed

D. It's kind of unclear at this point

[Assuming you answered correctly]

Thwomp: RAWR! NO WAY! That is correct. Oh well. That was an easy 1. Question 2!

**What was the first band referenced in this entire Parody?**

A. The Doors

B. Drowning Pool

C. Judas Priest

D. Lonely Island

[Let's pretend like you got the answer wrong]

Thwomp: NO RETARD! You got it wrong! 2 More and you're ded! HAHAHAHHAHAHOOHOHOOHOHOHIHIHIHIHIH! Sorry about my laugh. K? Question 3!

**What was the name of the man who tried capturing Goombella in Chapture 1 - 3?**

A. Lord Crump

B. Dr. Crump

C. Robotnik

D. GG Allin

[Congrats! You assumingly got it correct!]

Thwomp: No! How did you get that right!? Like, that question was so hard! No 1 ever gets that 1 right! Mrr…. Question 4!

**Do you like IAMMASTER?**

A. Kind of.

B. She or he's a nigger!

C. Whos that?

D. I like chicken.

[I'll accept any answer as correct]

Thwomp: Wow! Correct! You people must be smarter than Stephen Hawking fucking Einstein's cryogenically reserved brain! FINAL QUESTION!

**When you met Koops, what was he doing when you walked in on him?**

A. Trying to suck his own dick

B. Eating Shit

C. Masterbating to Simpson's Hentai

D. Grilling a burger

[You got it correct right? Good]

Thwomp: NOOOOO! FUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKKKK! Correct! How were you able to answer 5 of the questions correctly!? I specifically designed for them to be impossible! YOU MUST HAVE CHEATED!...No. You win.

The room turns back to normal. The majical audience disappears as if they were never even real people to begin with. Were they holograms? In a fucking fortress!? Who knows. But yeah. The walls are stone again.

The thwomp exploded uncovering their warp pipe lead. To save time. Lets just say that the 2 stones were inside the Thwomp and move on to the next chapture division.

**Chapture 2 - 4: A strange hero awaits!**

_**[Petal Meadows]**_

As Mario and Goombella proceeded back through the Petal Meadows, they heard a whiny voice of someone who was eagerly waiting for them to show up.

Koops: UMM!

Mario: Oh shit! You're alive! Hey! Whats up!?

Goombella: ... Is he gonna pull out a knife or something?

Koops begins to walk over to them making Goombella rather paranoid.

Koops: Umm... Uhh...

Mario: Speak up!

Koops started to walk towards Mario even closer. He walked so close to Mario's face to the point where it was too awkward to even describe.

Goombella: MARIO LOOK OUT!

Mario: Relax, he's.. harmless.

Koops: UUUrrrrrrmmmmmmm... Well you see, I was wondering if-

Mario: Wait! Hold on, can you stand the fuck back a little? Your breath smells like you've been eating some microwavable Cheesy Garlic Bread or some shit!

Koops: Ummmmmm... See... I was wondering... What do you like, think about...Uhh... I WANNA JOIN YOU GUYS! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE LET ME HELP YOU GUYS FIGHT HOOKTAIL! PLEASE, I WILL ACTUALLY KILL MYSELF THIS TIME IF YOU DON'T LET ME TEAM UP WITH YOU! PLEASE! I'LL DO ANYTHING! EVEN GAY STUFF! I DONT CARE! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE! I THINK YOU 2 ARE THE COOLLEST PEOPLE IVE EVER MET AND I NEED YOU GUYS! BADLY!

Koops: I just don't wanna go back to Petalburg. I hate it there. Everyone is a fucking dick to me! They all talk shit about me for having a ded dad and an abusive mom too. Even my gf sucks! Maybe, if I joined you guys, i'll become brave. And I can finally have the courage to kick everyone's ass in this for fucken saken town!

Mario: Goombella? Why do I have the feeling that this guy is a little autistic?

Goombella: I think he has something else going on...

Koops: So please? Can I team up with you guys!? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease?

Mario and Goombella look at each other as they try to figure out what they should do about Koops.

They both begin to address Koops with their decision.

Goombella: Ehh...

Mario: Nope, sorry.

Koops: What!? Why? Why not!?

Goombella: It's gonna be kind of dangerous.

Mario: Plus, you don't seem like you're a good fit for us.

Goombella: And you might try and rape us.

Mario: Plus you're kind of a wuss. And I don't like your lazy eye either.

Koopie Koo walked towards the recently established party. She was not happy.

Koopie Koo: Koops! Are you trying to join Mario's party!? Without me!

Goombella: Oh great... It's your bitch girlfriend Koops.

Koops: Oh... .uhh... Hey Koopie Koo... Oh golly, ummm... uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh... Hi... Uhhh.. Which part of that did you overhear?

Koopie Koo: ... ALL OF IT! Koops, you're supposed to be weak and worthless! That's why i'm dating you!

Goombella: Wow... what a let down…

Koops started to get teary eyes as a result of Koopie Koo's remarks.

Koops: But... Koopie Koo... PLEASE! I wanna do this for me! For you. I finally feel like i'm in a group that understands me!

Mario: "Understand" might be a little strong you know...

Koops: With them, I can end up being the strong 1 of the village when I come back!

Koopie Koo: No you wont! And I'm the tough 1 of the village! Thats why you need me! You will always be a bitch. You will always be worthless. I. Own. YOU! Got it!? You are nothing without me! Without me, you would still be that creepy 12 year old child obsessively playing with legos!?

Koops started to go into a full on crying session.

Koops: BUT I STILL DO THAT!

Koopie Koo: Koops, that dragon, will KILL you. Do you want to die like a coward?

Koops: *sniff*... no?

Koopie Koo: Good. God! your such a stupid idiot. You know that right?

Koops: Yes?

Goombella: Oh my God. Koops! Don't listen to her. She just wants to get what she wants cause she's a Manipulative BITCH!

Koopie Koo: This doesn't concern you goomba! If I were you, I would just go home.

Goombella: Why don't YOU go home bitch! Better yet, why don't you just crawl in a dumpster and just die!

Koops: Uhh...

Koopie Koo started to get really huffy.

Koopie Koo: ... WOOOOOOOW. LEIK, OKAY FINE! IGNORE ME! I don't even care anymore! Your the worst bf EVER!

Koops: Wait! I'm sorry!

Koopie Koo: Fuck all of you! Okay!? I'm done, have a nice life you stubborn jerk!

Koopie Koo power shelled through Mario, Goombella, and Koops: [1 Damage All]

_Fucking Hostile by Pantera somehow started playing in the background._

Goombella: OKAY LISTEN BITCH! I HAD ENOUGH OF YOU COPYING MY STYLE, ENOUGH OF YOUR BULLSHIT SEX ATTEMPTS, ENOUGH OF YOUR 2 FACED BULLSHIT, AND YOUR MANIPULATION! I ONLY JUST MET YOU AND I HATE YOU MORE THAN I HAVE EVER HATED ANYONE EVER IN MY LIFE!

Koopie Koo: Whatsa matter? Is the baby goomba bitch going to cry some more!?

Koops started to looked at Goombella and started to lightly nodding in agreement at Goombella signaling her to keep going.

Goombella: I'M GONNA KILL YOU!

**[BATTLE MODE] **

Goombella: power level 16/18

V.S.

Koopie Koo: power level 5

Goombella uses tattle: This is Koopie Koo. He's a pompous bitch with a power level of 5 and a broken nose!

Goombella shot herself directly at Koopie Koo brutally breaking her nose far worse than Koops' nose injury. Blood was all over her face: [2 damage]

Koopie Koo: OOOWWWWWWWWW!

Koopie Koo fell on her back as she was knocked down.

Goombella flipped off Koopie Koo. Use your imagination.

Goombella: Had enough bitch!?

Koopie Koo forfeits.

**[END OF BATTLE] **

Koopie Koo started crying as she was holding her broken nose together to keep tons of blood from spilling out. She then started to have 1 of those ultimate toddler like temper tantrums that are probably nostalgic to most of you reading this.

Koopie Koo: I HATE YOU! I FUCKING HATE YOU YOU FUCKING UGLY BITCH FUCKER! YOU'RE A MOTHER FUCKING COCK SUCKING DICK ASS WHORE! YOU FUCKING CUNT ASS BITCH WHORE SLUT BIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Koopie Koo ran off having a bitchy temper tantrum.

Goombella: Yeah! You better run bitch!

Mario:... DAMN GOOMBELLA!

Koops: *Sniff sniff* Hey uhh... Goombella?

Goombella: *sigh* Koops, Im sorry I beat up your girlfriend. But you have to understand, she was THAT terrible of a person. You can see where I'm coming from right?

Koops: No, you were absolutely right... You said and did all of the things I wish I could have. No seriously, I've fantasized about beating her up for years now. So... thank you standing up for me and stuff...

Mario: Okay. Fuck it. You can join us. But if shit starts to get real, we're using you as our human shield.

Koops: NO WAY SERIOUSLY!? OH YES! YES! YES THANK YOU SO MUCH! THIS IS FINALLY GONNA BE MY BIG BREAK IN LIFE! I promise you won't regret this.

Mario: We better not.

**[INITIATION MODE]**

Koops' abilities are extremely self loathing. Basically, when Mario jumps on him while in his shell, he can pretend like he's a combination of a bowling ball and a boomerang. Apparently, he's fascinated with the sensation of being abused. I guess that's what he's used to dealing with.

**[END OF INITIATION MODE]**

Koops: Sweet! Im on your guyses team now! This is gonna be so awesome!

Goombella: Oh guys! We still need to put the stones in the rocks!

Mario: Oh right! I forgot about that shit.

Mario: So wait, which 1 goes in which?

Goombella: *Sigh...* You put the sun stone in the rock with that sun shaped hole, and you put the moon stone in the rock with that moon shaped hole. Didn't you learn shaped in kindergarten?

Mario: That was the year where I got really addicted to pot.

Koops: Why do those stones suddenly remind me of Pokemon?

Mario and Koops installed the stones into the large relics. Doing this majically conjured a ritual where 2 blue transparent Super Mario World/64 looking switches rose from the ground along with a shrine with some kind of stupid instructions that tell them how to access the warp pipe.

They couldn't figure out how to read the fucking shrine so they just walked to the castle manually. So yeah/ All that was for nothing you know. While they were walking, they established their team name would be known as "The M Team"

**Chapture 2 - 5: Dungeons and Dumbasses!**

At long last as if it didn't take almost 2/3rds of the fucking chapture, Mario, Goombella, and Koops I guess made it to the castle with walking through the hills like sensible people.

_**[Hooktail's Castle]**_

As Mario and his strange friends kept adventuring, they entered a room where they spotted several piles of Koopa skeletons everywhere as if they all ate each other or some shit. This room obviously smells like nothing but ancient rotting flesh, and anciently voided bowls.

Goombella: OH MY MIYAMOTO! IT SMELLS IN HERE!

Koops begin to notice a Koopa Korpse wearing a pair of blue shoes. This might actually be Koops' father.

Koops: WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!

Goombella: What?

Koops: OH NOOOOO! NO WAAAAAAYYYY!

Koops ran towards the corpse with the blue sneakers.

Koops: I can't believe it! MY DADDY is DED!11

Koops began to cry like a toddler who lost his toy lawn mower from his crib.

Koops: DADDY'S DED EVERYONE! OOOH MY GOOOODDDD! BLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG!111

Koops barfed all over the floor.

Mario: What the hell is with and you saying "daddy?" Seriously I mean, how old are you?

Goombella: Ehh... Cut him a break Mario. He just saw his dad's corpse.

Mario: Well, I'm sorry, all of this is really just... really gay! And boring too.

Koops: Hey wait? There's a letter molded in it's flesh.

Koops began to read the letter.

"My mission to destroy the foul beast has become a failure. But I tripped and broke my leg on the way to fight it and now I can't fucking move. So, basicly, I heard that Hookertail has PTSD over crickets and the sound that they make. They make the dragon weaker. Before I ded, I wanna tell you my son, I hate you. You should have been a cum shot inside a fucking condom that I would poorly discard in the trash. You are the worst piece of shit and you give this whole planet a bad name just by your existence. Kill yourself. I'm ashamed to call you my son; Kolarado. Serious, go kill yourself."

Koops: Wait... Kolorado!? Does that mean daddy forgot my name!?

Mario: No. Thats not your dad. Thats... nevermind...

Koops: Oooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhh... Ummm... Yeah. Thats good. So maybe daddy's still alive. Mario: I highly doubt that.

Koops: Wait, so maybe daddy's corpse is lying around here somewhere!

Goombella: Koops, shut the hell up. You're confusing me. Is he alive or ded?

Koops looked around and saw a pinkish reddish skeleton guarding the doorway.

Koops: Maybe that's daddy!

Koops began to shake the corpse franticly.

Koops: Hey! Daddy! Wake up! Hehe... Look at me!

Red Bones (Age 292): STOP! FUCKING! SHAKING ME!

Goombella: IT'S ALIVE!?

Red Bones: You all clearly have no value for the ded if you all are shaking corpses and reading letters and throwing up everywhere! Now you all will know what it's like to be ded!

1000 dry bones' rose up like zombies. The entire room suddenly become cluttered with them. There were even some massive piles of them stacked on each other struggling to move. It was looking like fucking China!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

_Battle Music: Angel of Death, by Slayer. I have to. I mentioned Slayer and I'm not looking back. Or did I?_

Mario uses hammer smash: [1 Damage]

Mario: Power Level 28/30

Goombella: Power Level 16/18

Koops: Power Level 27/30

FP: 5/5

V.S.

Dull Bones: Power Level 3

Dull Bones: Power Level 3

Red Bones: Power Level 15/19

Dull Bones: Power Level 3

Dull Bones: Power Level 3

Mario: You look like a gay anorexic homeless man that took enough meth to turn pink! I bet you can't even suck dick for it cause no 1 wants a blow job with that much teeth!

Red Bones: KILL HIM!1

Goombella used tattle on Red Bones: This is Red Bones. he is so fugly. But he is a little stronger than the normal Dull Bones. He has a power level of 19. Thats stronger than me! Even if its HP drops to 0, it can come back to life. So... finish it last.

Mario uses multibounce with no effective results.

Goombella: I almost forgot, they all have a defense of 1. So use your hammer.

The 5 Skeletons started throwing parts of their bodies at the team.

Mario: Fuck! that does hurt!

Goombella uses tattle on Dull Bones: This is called a Dull Bones. Not Dry Bones apparently. They have a power level of 3 and they don't respawn when you kill them they're so weak.

Mario uses POW Block with no negative repercussions other than killing of all 1000 of the Dull Bones in the room: [2 Damage]

The Red Bones Remains.

Goombella switched with Koops.

Mario: Wait, we can't all 3 fight at 1ce?

Goombella: Apparently we can't...

Mario: THAT SUCKS!

Red Bones throws a boner bone at Koops

Koops uses bowling ball shell attack on Red Bones:

Mario uses Power Smash delivering a skull crushing blow directly at Red Bone's skull

**[END OF BATTLE]**

Mario Goombella and Koops proceeded onwards in the castle. After a few useless tedious puzzles where they all kept screaming at each other except for Koops who usually just got screamed at it seems, they stumbled on a room with an Ancient Black Chest similar to 1 that they saw earlier. Mario totally won't get cursed again... Oops. I didn't gave anything away did I?

Mario: Oh heeellll no!

A soft spoken voice began to speak in a soothing male gender like tone.

Black Chest Voice (Age 1040): Oh oh oh wait what? Oh... my dearest apologies.

Black Chest Voice: What's the matter? Why you fright so?

Goombella: Your not gonna curse us are you?

Black Chest Voice: Oh heavens to murgatroyd, you must have partaken in the confusion of myself being acquainted with a potential doppelganger of mine. I mean you no harm...

Goombella: Well thats good. You seem mmm much more pleasant than the last trapped box spirit we faced.

Black Chest Voice: Well you see kind sir, I have been trapped in this small square like structure for what may possibly seem like a millennium by now. You are the first voices I have heard or talked to since I was placed in this visually absent space. Is it possible that you 2 are legendary heroes.

Goombella: Were really not.

Mario: Yeah. Were The M Team bitch!

Goombella: Mario, buy a dictionary, and look up "social," and "filter."

Mario: Well obviously, this poor soul wants out of the box. It might as well know our team name if we're gonna do that.

Black Chest Voice: Wait, You mean you will partake in an act of kindness that enables an exit from this vicinity?

Goombella: So wait, so your box looks like you need a key to open it, do you know where is it.

Black Chest Voice: I may have a slight clue, but my memory is yet so vivid. Perhaps it may be wondering in a room next to us.

Mario: Oh, so its like the last key? Alright. Easy! Sweet! 1 key for your ass coming up!

The 3 of them took the door to their right and entered a room of what may seem like a trap. There seemed to be a treasure chest stranded in the middle of the room.

Mario: See look gaywads! Its right here.

Goombella: I don't know, I see alot of holes in this room that look like they're waiting for something to happen.

Koops: Yeah. I'm kind of scared. My intuition is kicking in.

Mario: Intuition is for pussies!

Mario opens the chest and grabs the key like a mindless retard with his head cut off. Guess what friggin happens? Spikes! Spike came out all of the holes in the room. Luckily no 1 got stabbed. Koops almost got stabbed though. the spikes also formed a maze so maybe they'll have a chance to escape. But they have to hurry cause the ceiling full of spikes is closing in on them. That is so fucking brutally literally metal!

Mario: shhhhhhittt...

Goombella: MARIO YOU ASSHOLE! NOW WERE GONNA DIE BECAUSE OF YOU!

Mario: Yeah no kidding... I can't even think of a better deth than this right now.

Koops began to look around and started to notice a way out. Hows that for intuition!?

Koops: GUYS! I think I just figured out a way out of here!

Goombella: What really!? Well lets go then!

Koops: Yeah! Mario, grab the key and come on!

The 3 morons quickly escaped from the treacherous trap where they almost met their deth but escaped just in time before the ceiling closed in on them. They started panting alot afterwards.

Goombella: Phew! That was close!

Black Chest Voice: Hello? I hear your voices again! You all must have retrieve the key from the trap room I presume?

Goombella: You forgot there was a fucking trap that could have gave us THAT gruesome of a deth?

Black Chest Voice: You have the key right?

Mario: Yeah just 1 second.

Mario opened the ancient chest of a somewhat living thing trapped inside it. Do you want me to explain to you what happens?

Black Spirit II: UH-OH! LOOKS LIKE WE GOT SOME DUMB ASS BITCHES UP IN HERE!

Mario: OH GOD DAMNIT!

The Black Spirit came out of the blue and isolated Mario in a background of nothing but DARKNESS! It looked exactly like last time. The background music is _When the Pimps in the Crib by Snoop Dog_.

Black Spirit II: OH MAN NIGGA! WHY YOU GOTTA BE THE DUMMEST ASS BITCH ALL AWW TIME!? SO YOU KNOW WHAT? KNOW WHAT? Guess what imma do instead. I'm gonna curse yo ass. Thats right nigga. I'M CURSIN' YO ASS!

Black Spirit II: AIGHT AIGHT, So, you know how yo fat, right? Well get this shit, since yo fat, yo ass got some of em' tig ol' man bitties! So get this. Get this. When you press dem tig ol' bitties together, you'll start sweating alot and shit. You've seen em Gatorade commercials right!? Only that ain't some normal sweat, that shit is straight up bacon grease!

Mario: Heh... cool.

Black Spirit II: HAHHAH YEEE... Yo ass is gon' be embarrassed and all them bitches are gon' be callin you "jive ass turkey!" YOU LIKE THAT!? HUH? "JIVE ASS TURKEY!" Well, anyway, I gotta flah. I'mma spend the rest of mah existence floating around in some Grape Flavored Kool-Aid at a factory! PEACE BIAAAAAAAAAAATCH!

Black Spirit II flew away for good. The background turned completely normal and Mario was left with another curse. At least with this 1, he can do that anywhere. I wonder when he'll need to do that shit next?

Koops and Goombella ran towards him in hopes that he was alright.

Koops: Mario! Are you alright? You're not gonna die are you?

Mario: No I'm good. I just a little bit of the big C. Thats all.

Koops: Cancer!?

Mario: Cursed Koops! "Cursed!" You don't pay attention do you.

Goombella: So what kind of curse did you get this time?

Mario: Uhh... Apparently when I press my chest together tight enough, I can sweat bacon grease…

Mario later opened the door where he found a room full of treasure along with a white ball shaped female mouse thing with red high heels and a red raccoon like mask covering her eyes.

Ms. Mowz (Age 25): Well my oh my! Who are these sexy gentlemen and fine lady we have here?

Mario: Who the fuck are you?

Ms. Mowz: Who mii? Teehee. Why, I'm Ms. Mowz you pretty piece of parmesan! the SEXIEST thief that models and steals things around the world! I'm kind of a big deal you know...

Goombella: Uhh... yeah are you a fucking stripper or something...?

Ms. Mowz: So you 3 never heard of me sweet swiss? See, I hear these rumors of treasure. Rare treasure! Like, badges and stuff! Rare and valuable badges here in this castle! Say! Why are you all here? This castle is kind of dangerous you know. And I don't wanna see any of your balfour booties get hurt by some dragon.

Ms. Mowz: Especially not you my sexy hunk of cheese.

Ms. Mowz began to direct her attention towards Mario.

Koops: Umm, well...

Mario: Were here for 1 of the 7 dedly stars. So yeah. Don't touch it or I'll fucking kill you. I'll eat you alive while I wear a cat suit and eat you. And believe me, it won't be cute like a Tom and Jerry episode either. It will be gruesome, and gory. Even too gory for this parody! Also, Hookertail has it.

Ms. Mowz: So theres a dedly star you say? Well, sounds like I just learned something I probably shouldn't have you Foolish Ficaccios!

Goombella: Okay seriously, what's with the cheese jokes? Seriously. Last time I checked, cheese isn't sexy. And stop the slutty shit too! Its gross! I bet you're cheese puns are even cheesier than your yeast infection!

Mario: Nice 1 Goombella!

Ms. Mowz: Jeez guys... I was gonna say. Its all yours, I was just in here for some treasure but damn! You guys are messed up... Whatever, I'm leaving. In the mean time, this is for you my mustached mostaccioli!

Mario: Who me?

Ms. Mowz grabbed Mario by the back of his head and started french kissing him ferociously for about 10 seconds.

Goombella: OKAY! You need to leave slut! Now!

Ms. Mowz: Fine... tata for now my Lovely Labnehs!

Ms. Mowz jumps out the window somehow not leading to a fatal fall due to her ninja skills!

Koops: Damn Mario! She like, raped you man! You sure got a way with the ladies! My gf was even gonna fuck you.

Mario: Yeah. For me, chicks are pretty easy. I don't know what is. I'm like, the grossest person in this entire universe!

Goombella: Oh please... she's a fucking slut that's trying to be slutty for the sake of being slutty... What's that skank's deal? Like seriously?

Mario: I'm starting to think you just hate every female ever...

Koops: Well, we don't know if ...Ms. Mowz is even really a slut...

Goombella: Im sorry, did you not see her smootch Mario like a friggin animal just there!?

Mario: I did. It was hot. She had mouse breath, but still...

Goombella: Are we ready to go and fight Hooktail or what?

**Chapture 2 - 6: How to Drain Your Dragon! (A childhood crushing porn parody awaits)**

A few minor undescribed castle puzzles later, Mario and friends at long last encountered the room containing the Dragon in the flesh ferociously staring at them giving off a aminus stare.

Hooktail: WHO DARES APPROACH ME?

Koops freaked out as he hid in his shell for dear life.

Mario: Oh god! Already with the high and mighty crap are we? Yeah, We're here to MURDER-FUCK you Hookertail!

Goombella: Will you stop taunting him Mario!

Hooktail: RAAAAWWWWWWWWRRRR! I'M A FUCKING WOMAN DRAGON!

Mario: Oh shit, it was a "she!" Ha! Well the Dragon from Shrek is far prettier than you! Either way, we're kicking your giant red ass till you hand over the dedly star! Were all gonna rape you you hear me!?

Hooktail: SILENCE! YOU 3 THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME!? OVER SOME TREASURE !? A FOOLISH DECISION INDEED I MUST SAY!

Mario: Oh yeah!? Well my whole fucking existence is foolish! But not as foolish as my foot in your ass Hookertail!

**[EPIC FUCKING BATTLE MODE!]**

_Battle Music: Night Crawler by Judas Priest_

Mario: Power Level 30

Mario: Power Level 18

Koops: Power Level 30

FP: 10

VERSUS

Hooktail: Power Level 105 (first triple digit pl of this series so far!)

Mario: Before we start, I would like to happily inform you with this. You look like a rejected hideous fucking Barney character from some cheesy cartoon version of hell. You must have tried cutting yourself when you found out that you were too fat and ugly to be a cheap groupie for Ancalagon the Black!

Mario deeply offended Hooktail with his trademark insult tactic.

HOOKTAIL: RWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAaaa! YOU, I'M NOT EVEN GONNA EAT! I'M GONNA CHEW YOU UP AND CRUSH YOUR REMAINS AND BURN THEM TILL YOU'RE NOTHING!

Mario uses regular hammer attack: [1 Damage]

Goombella uses mighty book of knowledge: This is Hooktail. A giant dragon that can attack by biting, stomping, and breathing breath of fire and stank! She hates the sound of crickets. We already knew that… Oh yeah, and has a power level of OVER 100! 105 to be exact.

Hooktail uses stomp on Mario: [5 Damage]

Mario: SHIT! THAT FUCKING HURT!

Mario uses Powerful Hammer Smash of Deth!: [3 Damage]

Goombella smokes a joint of fire weed blowing the smoke like fire at Hooktail: [3 Damage]

Hooktail uses bite on Goombella: [5 Damage]

Hooktail: MMMM YOU'LL BE SCRUMPTIOUSLY DELICIOUS WHEN I SWALLOW YOU WHOLE!

Goombella: AAAAHHH FUCK! How did that not kill me! I don't even know how to counter something that big!

A random cricket started hopping around chirping for every turn making Hooktail disturbed and nauseous

Hooktail: Is that a... CRICKET!? WHAT'S IT DOING IN HERE DURING THE DAY!? I CAN'T EVEN TRACE WHERE IT'S COMING FROM!

Mario uses the power smash attack on Hooktail: [4 Damage]

Mario: Yeah! Suck on that!

Mario bent down in front of Hooktail as he mooned her by exposing his own ass .

Goombella smokes some more fire weed and blows more fire at Hooktail: [3 Damage]

Hooktail: I'LL SHOW YOU FUCKING FIRE!

Hooktail uses flamethrower on Mario and Goombella: [3 Damage All]

Goombella switched with Koops.

Mario uses power bounce. That jump where he can jump on the same opponent multiple times before fucking up: [6 Damage]

Hooktail: Okay okay! Stop! I Give up! I'll be a good dragon from now on!

Mario: Yeah... Thats bullshit... you're just saying that cause you know you're about to get murder-fucked!

Hooktail: NO! FOR REALZEEZ! Look, is there anyway I can prove it!

Mario: Yes. Hand over the dedly star.

Hooktail: The Star of **Wrath** you say? Hmm... How about I give you 10 coins instead!

Mario: ... Yeah, no thats a fucking rip off...

Hooktail: K... You wanna buy some ketamine... This some really good ketamine. Its ancient too! Some say that it's high will never wear off. How does that sound?

Mario: ... Well OKAY!

Goombella: Mario! That kind of ketamine doesn't even exist! Im high as fuck and I know that!

Mario: Damn. I guess you're right.

Hooktail: But wait? You like feet right?

Mario: Go on...

Hooktail: Ahhh... I can sense your foot fetishing ways hero. Some say that my feet has the most arousing smell that you can possibly imagine. Does that interest you?

Mario: Okay, you got me that, I would love you smell your feet, I may even do a little more to your feet too.

Hooktail: YOU FOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLL!

Hooktail bit off Mario's left arm: [3 Damage]

Mario: AHH FUCK ME ARM! IT BURNS AND I CAN'T FEEL IT!

Hooktail gains 10 HP. Don't ask how that's scientifically possible.

Mario ate a shroom growing back his arm half way: [+5 HP]

Mario: Koops, I need 1 more!

Koops gave mario another shroom to eat: [+5 HP]

Mario's arm fully regenerated like the lizard king!

A cricket in the background continued chirping.

Hooktail: AAAHHHH! SOMEONE KILL THAT THING! I SPENT CENTURIES TRYING TO REPRESS MEMORIES OF THAT SOUND!

Mario uses Power Smash of PURE PAIN!: [3 Damage]

Koops uses the last POW block: [2 Damage] Oh by the way, Koops' dumbass just killed the cricket with tha.

Hooktail uses stomp on Mario: [4 Damage]

Mario: AWW! YOU FUCKER!

Mario uses regular hammer blast: [2 Damage]

Koops uses shell slam: [2 Damage]

Hooktail: I'M NOT DONE YET!

Hooktail uses bite on Mario: [5 Damage]

Koops: I'M GONNA KILL YOU DRAGON!

Koops uses a glorious shell slam on Hooktail bouncing off her toe thus uppercutting her hard enough to be fatal: [1 Damage] ha!

Hooktail: No... I cant die... Not like this... I still have so many innocent live I wish I could have eaten!

Hooktail passed on.

**[END OF THE FUCKING BOSS BATTLE MODE YAY!]**

Koops and the rest of them noticed a dirty hairy blue shelled Koopa crawl out of Hooktail's corpses mouth covered in gross dragon slime.

Kooply (Age 34): Finally... I'm out of there! Hmmm... someone must have finally killed her...

Koops: DD… DAAAAAAAADDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! BLEEEERRRGGG!

Koops ran over to Kooply like a horny school girl and started hugging him tightly and crying all over him. He also kept kissing his cheek all over.

Kooply: Uhh... Who are you exactly?

Goombella: That's Koops... I'm assuming he's your son? Hopefully?

Kooply: OH! Koops! My favorite result of lying about using a condom! You aged quite a bit haven't you?

Goombella: Wait, so how did you survive inside there for 10 years?

Kooply: Hmm... Well to be quite honest, Hooktail swallowed many koopas whole over the past decade... I had to partake in a little... you know... koopa kannibalism in the dragon's stomach.

Goombella: That's for sure! Also, were looking for a dedly star. You know of where it may be?

Kooply: Hmm... Hang on 1 second… I don't suppose you mean this doohickey right here?

Kooply holds up the Star of **Wrath**.

Goombella: THATS THE 1!

Kooply: Ah yes... This thing gave me light for the time I spent in the dragon's stomach. If you want, you 3 can keep it.

Goombella: Oh thank you so much!

Kooply hands Goombella the **Wrath** Star.

Mario : Well... yes... This is all well and good... Well... all this talk about sex with dragons reminds me... I got a little you know... thing to settle with Hookertail...

Goombella: Umm... What are you doing?

Mario: Yeah... I wasn't kidding about "Murder-Fucking" the dragon so... I'mma go ahead and just... do that.

Looks like Mario and his strange friends have collected 1 of the 7 dedly stars. Along the way, It appears as if he's actually making friends throughout this adventure despite his inability to get along with people. An evil dragon maybe vanquished, but they have a long way to go before they unlock the ancient treasure behind the 1000 year door! What upcoming journeys for the dedly stars await them? Find out next issue, as we break on through to the next exciting chapture of SUPER MARIO AND THE THOUSAND YEAR DRAMA!

\- To be continued

Credits:

_Credits music playing: Nervous Breakdown by Black Flag._

Creator: IAMMASTER

Based on a True Game

You suck if you actually needed these answers.

Answer to Question 1: D

Answer to Question 2: B

Answer to Question 3: C

Answer to Question 4: Any

Answer to Question 5: A


	3. Chapture 3: The Great Drugbased Land!

Disclaimers:

This is a parody of Paper Mario and the Thousand Year Door. All characters and various other royalties of Paper Mario are all reserved to Nintendo and Intelligent System as this is for parody use only.

This is an entirely separate universe from the original Paper Mario universe, so expect many inconsistencies made on purpose for comedic effect.

This story contains offensive content such as racist jokes, sexual content, sexism, drug use, a fuckload of violence, and a lot of other offensive shit that we can make jokes about. If you don't like offensive humor then I recommend not reading this but if you still decide to then please leave a comment about how offended you are, I'll get a kick out of it.

If you loved this game as a child and wish to preserve it as pure and full of childhood wonder in your mind then we recommend not reading this because it will fuck you up.

This parody is rated M for ENJOY!

**Super Mario and the**

**Thousand Year Drama!**

**(Kai Version)**

**Chapture 3: The Great Surreal Land of Drug Based Character and Scenery Designs!**

_Battle Music: Dragonball z American soundtrack - the saga continues by Bruce Faulconer_

Last time! On Super Mario and the Thousand Year Drama! Mario and Goombella entered a peaceful meadow where they oddly enough, spotted a HUGE ASS DRAGON which according to the map, contained the star they were searching for! They later met up with 1 of a young villagers anxiously wanting to join them on their journey. Soon enough, they reached the top of the castle where they epically challenge the wretched dragon Hooktail to a fight to the deth. After the fight, The villager, Koops' dad was avenged and escaped that very dragon's stomach soon handing them their first installment of dedly stars with 6 more to go. Find out what new adventures await our heroes this issue of Super Mario! and the a Thousand! Year! Drama!

**Chapture 3 - 1: The Real Plot Really Begins! **

_**[?]**_

Sir Grodus: Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well... Why if it isn't my new pet BITCH... Have you decided to tell us what you did with the map?

Peach: Uhh... Yeah! This old plumber I fuck with has the map! His name is Mar-

Sir Grodus: SILENCE! Now, don't lie to us. We have info that you were the 1 who purchased the map. Do not try and cover up your track. We Nazis… I mean, we X-Nauts are a force to be reckoned with.

The skype ringtone started to blast obnoxiously.

Sir Grodus: Can SOME1 ANSWER THAT!?

X Naut #24 Answered it cause Grodus was too lazy and mighty to press a green call button.

X Naut #8 (Age 31): Sir! The dedly star we believed that was located in the castle of Hooktail... We have reason to believe that some1 terminated the dragon guarding it and he now foresees possession of the star. They appear to be known as... Team M.

Peach: Yeah! Thats Mario!

Grodus: Hmm... His name is Mario you say?

The call ended

The 3 Shadow Sirens appeared from the ground

Beldam: Mmmwee hee hee hee hee... Did that Princess I gave the map to by dressing like a creepy marchant tell you where she hid the map.

Grodus: Still your tongue, Beldam. We could have had that map by now If you didn't shoot up on some heroin in a dark alley when you were supposed to be capturing the princess after she opened the box! Now this foolish "Team M" has the map and are using it to find the 7 Dedly Stars. Now they have 1 of them, and all I can think about is decapitating a small cat!

Beldam: In that case… Alright my lovelies! We got a j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-ob to do!

Beldam teleports through the ground.

Marilyn: GUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHH!

Marilyn does the same. Yeah. Thats her 1 word vocabulary right there.

Vivian tries to laugh off some anxiety and teleported with her sisters.

Grodus: Dip shits...

Yeah so Chapture 3 - 2 and 3 got skipped for reasons that involve me being a fucking dick. If you wanna see whats going on with Peach and Bowser, read the uncut version.

**Chapture 3 - 4: Back 2 Da Ghetto!**

_**[Petalburg]**_

Kooply, and Mayor Kroop gave their salutations off to Mario, Goombella, and Koops.

Mario: Wow! That was an amazing party!

Koops: Uhh...

Goombella: Yeah Mario, you seemed to have had a little too much fun with the shrooms.

Mario: Hey! Its not my fault you turned into a fucking unicorn. So I had to ride you to Neverland so I could prevent the Cavity Creeps from 911ing the Titanic!

Kooply: Hehe! Well it's good to see you all off on more adventures bringing my son with and all.

Koops: But daddy... dad! I... I wanna stay here with you! It's been 10 years and I feel like I missed out on alot of time with you!

Kooply: Koops. Listen to me, fuck what people have to say. I want you to live. I want you to go on a fucked up adventure where you fuck alot of bitches. What do you say?

Koops: Well... I'm not sure. I think-

Kooply: Ah just get the fuck out of here!

Koops: Aww gee wizz. Alright.

Kooply: Just always remember this: You are my son, Koops... and I am your father!

Koops: Well yeah. Gee… No shit... Come on. What kind of quote is that dad!? Try giving me some useful advice next time for a change...sheesh.

**[Ghettoport Sewers]**

Koops: Wow! So this is the 1000 Year door huh?

Goombella: Yes Koops. That's why we're here If you'd put down the DSi already.

Goombella placed the Star of **Wrath** into it's assumingly designated location.

Goombella: K Mario. Do that thing you did earlier with the map.

Mario: Yeah yeah…

Mario held the map up in the middle of the shrine. It soon began glowing the same way before.

Koops: HOLY SHIT WERE GONNA DIE!

The map began to animate a giant black tree with white leaves in the upper middle part of the map.

**Chapture 3 - 5: Frankly scene **

_**[Ghettoport]**_

_**[Professor Frankly's]**_

Mario hammer smashed through his door like an impatient asshole. He caughts Frankly gobbling a jar's worth of viagra.

Frankly: GOOD GARTERBELT! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?

Goombella: Woa! Professor? What kind of pills did you just take there?

Frankly: Thats viagra Goombella.

Mario: That cool. So yeah. We almost died getting this 1st dedly star. Look.

Mario pulled out the star out of no where to show Frankly.

Frankly: Astounding! You actually did it! I was honestly expecting to receive a letter about a funeral instead! Welp… you children must be off to the Boggly Woods now.

Frankly escorted them all out the door.

Goombella: Wait! Aren't you gonna tell us how to get to Boggly Woods!

Frankly: OH FIGURE IT OUT YOU DAMN DIRTY NINCOMPOOPS! I NEED TO GO MASTERBATE! NOW!

Frankly kicked Mario, Goombella, and Koops out 20 feet away using his painfully enlarged erect cock. He might need to call 911 for that.

Mario: YOUR FUCKING DICK IS A FUCKING DICK!

**Chapture 3 - 6: Tourette's Syndrome begins.**

_**[Ghettoport Sewer]**_

That same small grey creature with the antenna I mentioned briefly from chapture 1 - 7 popped out again from the same crack on the wall as last time.

Gray Thing (Age 14): Cocknose cocknose cocknose

Mario: GET THAT TURD BALL!

Mario charged at the wall and actually broke through it like the dangerous retard he is.

Grey thing: GUYS! DON'T EAT ME! FUCKS FUCKS FUCKS!

Goombella: What? No! Were not gonna eat you.

Mario: Guess again nerd.

Goombella: MARIO SHUT UP!

Grey thing: I'll show you you bully! COCKNOSE COCKNOSE COCKNOSE

The grey thing jumped on Mario crawling all around him!

Mario: GUYS GET IT OFF ME BEFORE IT CRAWLS UP MY ASSHOLE!

The thing pulled out a wooden bat and whacked Mario on the head knocking him out for awhile.

Grey Things: YOU 2 WANT SOME OF THIS!? HUH BITCH? BITCH? BITCH?

Koops: Whoa! Chillax dude! Were not here to eat you... I think.

Goombella: Yeah. Actually, thank you for smashing our leader unconscious. He kind of had it coming to be honest.

Grey thing: Oh for realzeez! Shit Shit shit! Thats good. I was about to piss all over the place. Oh what the hell hell hell.

It started to piss so much that it flooded the entire floor making it unavoidable to step in.

Koops: Ehhhwww...

Goombella: AHH COME ON GUY!

Goombella: So yeah. We saw you earlier so who are you?

Koops: Yeah. And what's with the way you curse? It sounds funny.

Grey thing: Oh... My fucking fucking fucking name is Punio. I am part of a race of Punies. And I can't help the swearing stuff... I have tourette syndrome. Its a serious struggle on mine so please don't' make fun of it. Penis Penis Weenis.

Koops: Why? I think it's awesome!

Just another disclaimer: This is not how tourette's syndrome actually works. If you think so, well YOUR A FUCKING RETARD!

Goombella: Koops. Settle down. So by any chance, do you know about this place called the Boggly Woods?

Punio: Boggly woods? Uhh... I don't know what that place is. ASSHOLE SHIT COCK FUCK PUSSY ASS TWAT CUCK!

Punio: Sorry about that. You guys aren't X- Nauts are you? Cuck cuck cuck.

Goombella: Wait! I remember this guy who tried to attack me when I came here. He addressed his henchmen as X-Nauts! Do they smell like shit and wear these gimpy looking tights with a big "X" symbol on their chests?

Punio: Well... Yeah! Yesterday, these ugly looking cucks cucks cucks came inside our Great Tree of Might and started tearing it apart! They created these metal doors and they just mutilated our home! Its so cunt cunt cunt!

Goombella: Oh no! I guess they're causing more trouble than we thought huh?

Mario started pissing himself mixed with Punio's piss.

Koops: Did the fucking piss get damn warmer?

Goombella: So I'm assuming they're after 1 of the dedly stars huh?

Punio: Maybe! I remember them mentioning something about seeking and destroying in any means necessary for the Star of **Envy?** Is that what it's fuck fuck fuck called?

Punio: Say! Since you guys seem eager to find it, and being against those X- Nauts and all, you folks think you can sluts sluts sluts help me out? Maybe the Puni Elder can help you guys out with getting the star afterwards? Please! I'm begging you! DICKS DICKS DICKS!

Goombella: Of course we'll help you! Even if this was a side quest, we would still help out.

Koops: Yeah. Your fucking awesome as fuck!

Goombella: So wait, you must know how to get to Boggly Woods then.

Punio: Yeah... I do. Gimme 1 second. Fucks fucks fucks

Punio disappeared momentarily only to reappear behind then to knock Goombella and Koops out cold with a wooden bat like what happened to Mario. Then he pulled down the blanket blended in with the wall unveiling a grey warp pipe. He soon dragged the bodies into the pipe pushing them down... not gently.

**Chapture 3 - 7 &amp; 9: Enter the Drug Trip based Shadows"**

_**[Boggly Woods]**_

Mario: Holy shit. Where are.. what the fuck is this trippy looking place? I don't remember taking acid recently!

Goombella: Wait... Is this the Boggly Woods?

Punio: Yup. dicks... dicks dicks.

Goombella: DUDE! You didn't need to hit us with a bat Punio! What the hell!

Punio: What? This?

Punio held up a bat.

Punio: No! Its not a bat, it's my stick of teleportation! Labia Labia Labia.

Koops: Guys... Wanna hear about this strange dream I had just there?

Mario: Look, how we got here isn't important. Lets just find this Great Tree shit and get our star.

Goombella: Yeah. Hey Punio, next time you hit me with that thing, I'm feeding you to Mario.

Mario: Oh yeah. No. I was actually trying to scare him. You're too ugly for me to eat.

Punio: Screw you Asshole Asshole Asshole!.

Somewhere else located in the woods, the 3 Shadow Sirens rose up from the ground to discuss their plans given from Grodus.

Beldam: Mmmmwee hee hee hee! Lets get started w-w-w-w-w-w-with our operation sisters…. Marilyn, Vivian, do you 2 understand the p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-plan?

Marilyn: GUUUHHHH!

Beldam: Excelect understanding skills Marilyn. How about you VIvian?

Vivian: Uhh...Okay... A. Were supposed to find Team M... Umm... B. We do away with them...? And C... is to take the map?

Beldam: Well done... But I must say, your sister Marilyn spoketh of the plan with much more confidence. And m-m-m-m-m-m-may I just ask what's that you're holding in your hand VIvian.

Vivian forgot she was holding something in her hand the whole time.

Vivian: Me? Oh. I just found this pearl necklace dangling on this tree... It must have been there for a long time. And-

Beldam: You greedy wench VIvian. Hoarding trash like the dirty little cretin you are. Besides its a "pearl necklace!" Do you have any clue what that symbolizes? I means that you like to get jizzed on. Whatever, on to m-m-m-m-m-m-more important matters. Bring me the photo of Team M's leader!

Vivian: Eeep! What do you mean!? You said it was way too important for me to handle. More important than my own life specifically, so you decided to keep it in your hat!

Beldam: I SAID NO SUCH THING! You idiot bitch. I left you in charge of it. I don't understand how a pathetic poor excuse for a sister such as yourself could fail at such a s-s-s-s-s-s-simple task!

Vivian: But I...sniff... I'm so sorry...

Beldam: SHUT UP!

Beldam viciously head butted Vivian's face knocking her back causing her to lose her grip of the necklace. Beldam then grabbed the necklace.

Vivian started crying on the ground.

Vivian: I can't believe this always happens... sniff sniff...

Beldam: I'll Pawn this for meth later.

Beldam: Anyway, I'll show you for talking back to me.

Beldam grabbed Vivian's hair dragging her around in circles like yesterday's luggage.

Beldam: Do you want to look weak in front of Team M!?

Vivian: AAHHH IM SORRY!

During when this is going on, the real M Team showed up as they casually walked past the Shadow Sirens.

Mario: Ugg.. How much longer do we have to go.

Punio: Be patient! You can use a walk! Douche douche douche

Mario: AHAHA... Is that a fat joke huh!? Well, you look like a-

Goombella: Mario! Cut your "you look like a" insult shit out for a change!

Koops paused and began to notice the 3 shadows doing their shit.

Koops: Whoa! Why is the pink haired one getting dragged around like that? Hey Guys! Shouldn't we go help her out!?

Beldam: EAT MY ASS KOOPA!

Vivian: HELP ME!

Marilyn: GUH!

Koops: HANG ON! ILL SAVE YOU!

Goombella and Mario: God damnit Koops!

**[BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 30

Goombella: Power Level 18

Koops: Power Level 30

FP: 10/10

V.S.

Beldam: Power Level 14

Marilyn: Power Level 24

Vivian: Power Level 15

_Battle Music: Black Metal by Venom_

[TURN 1]

Mario: Koops, why do you have to be such a retard and impulsively rope us into more unnecessary bullshit. THAT'S MY JOB!

Koops: Sorry. I had to help her. I can't explain it...

Mario: YOU CAN'T EXPLAIN ANYTHING YOU STUPID ASSHAT! Fuck! Since this is your fault. I'm picking Goombella to fight them with me. And you can have the leftovers.

Koops: Aww shucks...

Vivian: Sis… Do we have to fight them? They're just random travelers.

Beldam: YES YOU DO YOU STUPID TWAT! IT'S YOUR FAULT WERE EVEN IN THIS MESS! THIS ISN'T EVEN TEAM M FOR FUCK SAKES!

Goombella uses tattle on Vivian: This is Vivian, she's the youngest sister of the Siren family. I'm not gonna lie, she's pretty cute... even cuter than me... uhh...! KILL HER FIRST! SHE'S THE MOST DEDLY!

Mario: Ha. Jealous much!?

Mario uses Power Bounce on Vivian like a fucking trampoline: [7 Damage]

Mario: There, happy?

Vivian gets up and uses shade fist on Goombella: Goombella [Countered -1] by biting her hand.

Vivian: OWW!

Marilyn uses retard hand clap attack on Mario: [Countered -1] by Mario punching her in the stomach.

Beldam uses uppercut on Mario: [Countered -1] by Mario making her punch herself in a humiliating fashion.

[TURN 2]

Goombella uses tattle: This is Marilyn, the middle child of the Sirens. Despite her being severely mentally challenged and probably shouldn't be fighting with them, she is easily the strongest 1 of them.

Mario uses POW Block damaging on all including knocking out Vivian: [2 Damage]

Vivian: I'm sorry sis...

Vivian fainted.

Beldam: YOU SUCK DICK VIVIAN!

Marilyn uses power up to boost her attack by 2.

Beldam uses dark majic to shrink Mario!

[TURN 3]

Goombella uses tattle of Beldam: This is Beldam. She is the leader of/ oldest sister of the Siren family. Her personality rotts to high hell. I wonder if she was always like that or if it's from her major drug addiction…

Beldam just smoked some heroin mixed with math.

Mario: Beldam huh? You look like an ugly jew nosed nekkid mole rat. Out of all the corpses I have ever seen, you are the most unfuckable! You are the 1st horrifying example I have ever seen in drug use along with being the grossest saggiest vomit inducing shriveled cunt I have ever seen waiting for an overdose to happen. Kill yourself!

Beldam: YOU ARE GONNA DIE FOR THAT YOU FUCKING WOP!

Mario: Oh thats it!

Mario uses Pow Block: [2 Damage All]

Marilyn uses Thunderstruck: [4 Damage All]

Beldam uses Polar Vortex: [1 Damage All]

Goombella is left frozen.

[TURN 4]

Mario: Hmm... I got an idea! If theres anything I know about dumb ass shows,

Mario held up the Star of **Wrath **above his head!

Mario: LETS GO YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT STAR! DO SOMETHING OR ILL FUCKING SMASH YOU, YOU FUCK ASS DICK!

The Star of **Wrath **started glowing and growing.

Mario hopped on the growing Star of **Wrath** as it grew to be as big as an elephant and soon started levitating and smashed itself on the ground causing intense earth waves blasting the conscious sirens causing Beldam to faint, and Marilyn to be heavily damaged: [6 Damage All]

Beldam: Marilyn... kick... his ... as.s...

Marilyn: Guh!

[TURN 5]

Goombella broke through the ice.

Mario: Good. Your alive. Are you going to finish off the fat 1 or not?

Goombella: I... don't think I can harm some1 with down syndrome. Even if they are evil...

Mario: Sigh... God Damnit Goombella... Koops! Can you?

Koops: Well... if she's not doing it.. then...

Mario: Oh for FUCK sakes!

Mario jumped on Koops' shell to bounce on Marilyn knocking her out: [2 Damage]

Marilyn: GUUUHHH!

Mario: That is how Team M rolls bitches!

**[END OF BATTLE]**

All of The Shadow Sirens got up.

Beldam: Mmmmwee hee haaaaaaaaack! Oooog. I can't b-b-b-b-b-b-b-believe we lost... THIS ISN'T OVER CRETINS! Vivian! You ditz! We would've won if you didn't pass out 1st!

Vivian: But he-

Beldam: NO! I AM SO PUNISHING YOU BY TYING YOU UP AND FORCING YOU TO PLAY "GAPER MARIO" 1000 TIMES IN A ROW!

Beldam: In the mean time, we need to heal so we can find Mario later and kill him and the rest of his Team M! RETREAT!

Beldam ran off. Also, notice how Mario used a dedly star on her in the battle and she still couldn't put together that they were the people they were looking for.

Marilyn ran off afterwards and grabbed a tree for dinner.

Koops sprinted towards Vivian.

Koops: Hey uhh… hehe… are you alright and junk?

Vivian: *sigh* Yeah… I'm fine. Thanks though… No 1's ever stood up for me like that before. Sorry I had to fight you guys earlier...

Koops: Aww shucks… It just comes with the Team M job I guess hehe… Is it just me or is it uhh… kind of sweaty out here? I seriously thought this was gonna be some kind of winter level out here…

Koops began scratching the back of his head while closing his eyes and blushing.

Vivian: You're fine hehe. So wait…your Team M? Hmm. I had a feeling. You know… you guys aren't as bad as I thought you'd be! hehe.

Mario: KOOPS! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR ISSUE ASSHOLE!? WE'VE GOT PLACES TO BE! STOP FLIRTING WITH THE ENEMY BEFORE I BRUTALLY STRANGLE YOU TO DETH WITH MY MASSIVE MARIO COCK! YOU FUCK!

Vivian: Well… looks like you gotta get going… uhh… HERE! take this necklace!

She picked up the necklace from the ground and gave it to Koops. She started blushing and awkwardly looking over to the side.

Vivian: Uhh… Sorry… I know It might be kind of a weird gift and stuff... I know… *giggle*

Koops: Nah. I like it. Its pretty. Thanks!

Vivian: Well nice meeting you and all. Again, thanks for sticking up for me!

Vivian lightly kissed Koops on the cheek.

Koops had a weird happy facial expression with his eyes rolled up and jizzed in his pants.

Goombella: Oh please...

Vivian: My name is Vivian by the way!

Mario: We know cuntface! Goombella told us from the tattle.

Mario grabbed Koops from the back of his hoodie and dragged him onto their next procedure.

Mario: You're really starting to hurt the tip on my penis with your tedious romantic bullshit.

Vivian: Bye Koopa person! I hope we meet again soon!

After that awkward endeavor, Team M reached The Great Tree of Might.

Punio: Well here it is! genitals genitals genitals!

Koops: Wow! This tree really is huge! Its bigger than the tree house Finn and Jake live in!

Punio: GUYS! Those X-Nauts must have installed a door! OH BOB SAGET! How are we going to save my family now!? FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK !

Koops: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckfuck fuckfuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!

Punio: AHH! I'm sorry everyone! I feel like a failure... Ohh... what are we gonna do? ovarian cyst ovarian cyst ovarian cyst. WAIT! I GOT AN IDEA! budussy budussy budussy! The Puni Elder told us about a secret entrance somewhere in the tree. We might be able to find a way through if we look hard enough! Dutchbags Dutchbags Duchbags! You see, the extra hole to get in is invisible. Some part of this tree has some camouflage blanket covering up the hole. So we just dig deep, and see if we can find that tiny little hole. Bangcock! Bangcock! Bangcock! Flurrie! Madame Flurrie can help us! Fuck Pussy Fuck Pussy Fuck Pussy.

Koops: Sounds like a milkshake from McDonalds. I know cause I used to work there. My band aid fell into 1 I made there.

Mario: Guys... Madame Flurrie is a famous cloud looking porn star from the 80s. She was famous for her skat fetishing films.

Goombella: Eww... You would know some1 like that...

Punio: Well yeah actually! If we just keep heading east, we'll be able to find her house! She might be able to use her wind powers to blow the mysterious blanket off. GOOCH GOOCH GOOCH!

Mario: By blow wind, you mean her ass wind?

**Chapture 3 - 8 &amp; 10: Everyone's has fun with Flurrie! Not really.**

_**[Flurrie's House]**_

They entered Flurrie's house. Which is covered in a collection of photo's if the younger her doing various erotic fetish like acts.

Mario immediately had an obvious boner looking at all of the pictures.

Mario: Ohohohohoho yeahahahahahh...

Koops: Thats a... thats a -

Mario: ... yes... thats a boner... enjoy.

Goombella: Eww... this bitch seems totally full of herself. I'm staying outside with my EYES SHUT!

Mario: Uh oh guys! Its Goombella classically hating other women!

All but Goombella walked upstairs to the door of that which is Flurrie's room. Punio: Uhh... Excuse me... uhh... Flurrie.

Flurrie: EEEEEEKKK! Don't come in! I'm indecent!

Mario: Welp! All the more reason!

Mario pulled out his hammer getting ready to smash through the doors.

Punio: CUT IT OUT MARIO! MEXIJEWS! MEXIJEWS! MEXIJEWS!

Flurrie: Is that you Punio!? Oh my! How I recognize your cute squishy footsteps and your adorable... you know… What are you doing here? It's been an age since I last heard from you.

Punio: Well you see uhh... we have a huge favor to ask of you madame. These X-Nauts people invaded our tree and installed a stupid door.

Flurrie: My adorable Punio! As much as I would love to help you little guys outs, I mustn't. For I am indecent at the moment… I can't... be seen without my famous pearl necklace... I must have dropped it.

Mario: Hmm…. SAY! We have a pearl necklace! And Koops… Why are you wearing it?

Koops: I mean, that cool Vivian chick from the woods gave it me.

Mario: For fuck sakes. It symbolizes that you like to get jizzed on all over your chest like some kind of cheap where. Anyways, yes! We have your necklace. I thought I recognized it from most of your films.

Flurrie: Oh! That is just astounding! Delightfully Astounding. I'm beside myself, truly! But... can you kind gentlemen leave the necklace by the door? I wish not to be seen so indecently without it.

They all covered their eyes except for Mario who did that thing where he secretly looked through a crack through his hands pretending to cover his eyes.

Flurrie: Here I cum everyone!

_Background Music: Milkshake by Kelis_

Madame Flurrie at last made her appearance. Unfortunately for everyone, she looked and smelt absolutely terrible. She is basically this fat purple old gross blob looking thing that wore more makeup than 1000 cheap hookers combined.

As soon as they did, Mario, Koops, even Punio, and even Goombella opened their eyes , they immediately puked at the grotesque looking character.

Mario, Koops, Punio and Goombella: BLEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRGGGGG!

Mario: **That is 2 out of 6 things I wish I could unsee.**

"Flurrie has joined Team M unfortunately."

Mario: OH WHAT THE FUCK! HOW!? AND WHY! BLEEEERRRG!

**[INITIATION MODE]**

Flurries Abilities a Primer,

Flurrie can break wind in any direction making any enemy puke. By "break wind," I mean... you know.

Mario: WH...WHY!?

Mario, Goombella, Koops, and Punio were so disgusted by her appearance they actually passed out.

**[END OF INITIATION MODE]**

After their 6 hour long of Team M and Punio being passed out, Flurrie dragged their unconscious bodies to the tree all at 1ce. That was nice of her. Flurrie kept poking them with a stick to get up.

Mario: Uuhhhh... How long were we out?

Flurrie: About 8 sexual hours. Mmmmmm

Goombella: Sexual… Uhh… you didn't have your way with us while we were out cold did you?

Flurrie: Mmmm… And if I did… would that be such a bad thing?

Everyone else: YOU RAPIST!

Flurrie: mmhmm… Just kidding… But don't say I never thought of it.

Punio: Right... so anyway, thank you for bringing us to the tree and whatnot. Can you just open the secret path with your majical... wind... *sigh*... powers. RIP ASS! RIP ASS! RIP ASS!

Flurrie: Say no more sweetie! I'm on it! Rootin tootin'!

Flurrie used her ass wind from a far. It was so powerful, it started to blow the entire tree back a little like some kind of category 5 hurricane. Not only did it unveil the secret passage, but it blew away all of the leaves along with being strong enough of a force to almost blow away the rest of them. They survived by grabbing onto dear life to random parts of the tree.

Flurrie: I sure did a marvelous job didn't I?

Goombella: Jesus Fuck Flurrie! You almost killed us with that smelly ass attack!

Punio: GUYS! Look! Theres the secret path! Dad's Penis! Dad's Penis! Dad's Penis! Hang on, let me see if I can find a way to open the door from the inside... Oderus Urungus Oderus Urungus Oderus Urungus.

Punio crawled up the tree reaching inside the tiny little tree hole like a hamster up a Frat Boy's asshole. He returned to open the door exceedingly quickly.

Mario: Fuckin finally!

**Chapture 3 - 11: Inglorious Mother-Fuckers**

_**[The Great Tree of Might]**_

Punio: Hey! Punies! DON'T THINK I CAN'T SEE YOU FUCKERS! Cucktails! Cucktails! Cucktails!

The Punies all exited from their hiding places.

Punathan (Age12): Aww man... You ruined our game of hide and seek! I was gonna win...

Punio: This is no time to play hide and seek when our tree is being invaded! Asstits Asstits Asstits.

Puniper (Age 19): Yeah yeah... We all know you like to ruin hide in seek cause your tourettes always blows your cover when you play.

Punio: This is Puniper. He's the fatass of all the Punies. Anal cavity Anal cavity Anal cavity

Puniko: He's almost as fat as your friends!

Puniper: AIY! I'M NOT FAT GOD DAMNIT! I'm Big boned...

Punio: Shut up asshole. Maybe if we all fight along side with Mario to fight the X-Nazis, we can beat them! El Duce El Duce El Duce!

Puniper: Do you fucks even know why they've been invading us...its because they're ASSHOLES!

Flurrie: Oh dear...

Punio: We have a good chance to do it!

Puniper: Punio, Punio, Punio... The only thing you have convinced me of is that I think you're a stupid retard! You're absolutely out of your mind insane.

Punio: We'll fine. If you're fat ass is pretentious enough to wait to die, you can so go fuck yourself. The rest of us are gonna work to get our tree back! Feel free to let us know when you're ready to help. And that goes for the rest of you. Lets go guys! Limp Bizkit! Limp Bizkit! Limp Bizkit!

They later traveled upwards the tree and saw the Elder and the rest of the 90 punies were trapped in a red and blue cell.

Punio: Oh my god! Elder! What have they done to you!? Yeti Balls Yeti Balls Yeti Balls

Elder Puni (Age 68): Punio, do you have my prune juice?

Punio: Wait... when was I supposed to get prune juice? Drilldo Drilldo Drilldo

Elder Puni: SEVERAL DAYS AGO YOU LITTLE SHIT!

All the other Punies: YEAH!

Petuni (Age 11): Punio!

Punio: Petuni! Are you okay!? Chipotlai Chipotlai Chipotlai

Petuni: Oh its awful. The X-Nauts have been using us for labor against our will. Mostly they use us as tissues, soap bars, toilet paper, anal beads, some times anal bead toilet paper if that's even a thing! They even tie us down to force us to watch them masterbate while they passive aggressively yell at people they still hate from high school.

Petuni: That's not even the worst part! How could you screw us over big brother! Not getting the Elder her prune juice!? She could die! I used to respect and love you, but now, I just don't know you anymore!

Punio: Why are you all so hung up for stupid fucking prune juice when you all are locked up in prison cells! How about I just not find a way to open the cages and let you all rot instead? Ass Pants Ass Pants Ass Pants.

Elder Puni: Punio, if that is the case, you really have no shame I see.

Petuni: Yeah! I can't believe you would turn your back on us, your own family.

Punio: ... Well... I guess if you put things that way, maybe I was a bit in over my head there... Down Syndrome Down Syndrome Down Syndrome!

Elder Puni: I will still smack you when you free us...

In the room next to the prison cell, the X-Naut got bored of being a prison guard for the Punies and instead of doing his fucking job.

X-Naut #69: Man... That was brutal. How much longer 'til I find that G Spot in my asshole!? Not even those puny Punies we captured know anything about it. And they crawl in butts!

Ms. Mowz makes her 2nd appearance out of the shadows and into the series and bashes the foolish X-Naut on the back of his head with her shoe. It knocked him out hard enough to make him to his deth.

Mario and company barged through the door with Mario's usual hammer maneuver running into Ms. Mowz a 2nd time.

Ms. Mowz: Long time no see my slender sleightletts...

Goombella: Oh great, look everyone. Ms. Slutfacebitch everyone!

Ms. Mowz: Ehh... yeah... So Mario my Masculine Maasdam, I see you have some new friends.

Mario: Mouse thing, are you here to suck my dick again.

Goombella: That never happened...

Mario: Ah damn. Well just incase,

Mario pulled down his overalls and not underware due to his ability of going commando.

Goombella: Mario! STOP! FUCKING! STRIPPING!

Ms. Mowz: Thanks for the proposal but I'm here for some badges I can sell at my badge shop- I MEAN... See if I can make drugs out of! I've ran into more trouble than I expected with these X-Nantais' or whatever, so... yeah. I'm here sweetie. And as for your Erect Ricotta, I'll gladly take a few nibbles...

Ms. Mowz pulled Mario's cock genty out of his briefs and quickly started sucking his dick like a champion. She even nibbled on it a bit which surprisingly felt really good for Mario.

Ms. Mowz: Mmmmm... cheesy...

Goombella: WHAT!?

Mario: Wow! That was the most amazing dick suck evah! I've never thought I would enjoy such a dick suck with that much teeth!

Ms. Mowz: Thanks... Its what I do best. Anyway, heres a key. You might need it for an adventure and such. Anyhow, I must get off now! Tata…

Ms. Mowz jumped out the weirdly shaped window surviving another 200 story fall for ninja reasons.

Flurrie: I can do you a little favor like that for you Goombella...

Goombella: I'D RATHER KILL MYSELF!

**Chapture 3 - 12 &amp; 13: Punies Piss me off again and again.**

The team of 4 and Punio (who still will never be a Team M member) made it back into the prison room with the Punies still left inside.

Punio: Punies! Your free! Burning Urethra Burning Urethra Burning Urethra

Elder Puni smacked Punio with her (Yes. Its a she) bulb antenna thing. A tough elders gotta be tough I guess.

According to the game, she also grew the size of a bull for her outrageous burst.

Elder Puni: YOU'RE A FOOLISH FUCK! YOU KNOW THAT!?

Punio: Oh come on! Is this about the prune juice again!? Loonatics Unleashed Sucks Loonatics Unleashed Sucks Loonatics Unleashed Sucks!

Puniper emerged randomly to the room.

Puniper: Well well well, if it isn't the mighty Punio hmph!

Elder Puni: Say... Wait a second, I remember now! My prune juice... It was Puniper! You were the 1 who took my prune juice! Not Punio!

Puniper: Well it was in the way so I threw it out.

Elder Puni grew into the size of a stubborn mule.

Elder Puni: YOU DID WHAT!?

Puniper: It was in the friggin' way all the time in the fridge!

Elder Puni: Yeah. MY fridge that I own! NOT for YOU to go RUBBISHING in!

Mario: What te fuck!? Can we get onto the real story!? NO 1 is reading this to listen to some fucking Puni Prune Juice fucking story! WERE! HERE TO READ ABOUT MY STORY! MY! FUCKING! STORY! I WILL SERIOUSLY START EXECUTING PUNIES IF THIS SHIT KEEPS GOING ON! Ich töte EUCH ALLEN VERMIN! Du hörst mich!? EUCH ALLEN VERMIN!

All the Punies started to tremble in fear as they were all attending Mario's speech.

Mario: Now, I don't know what you Punies are useful for other than being shoved up people's asses and being used as projectiles, but if you Punies got any "fuck you" spirit in you! You will temporarily join me to kick some X-Nazi ass, take back your shitty tree, collect my 2nd dedly star, and most importantly, NOT PISS ME OFF! So who's with me!?

Punio, Puniper, and the 9 other Punies besides Elder Puni: YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHH!1

[101 Punies Joined your army]

Mario raised his head in pride again while he crossed his shoulders like some kind of badass.

Mario: That's the fuck you spirit i'm talking about!

Flurrie: Oh what a sexy leader...

Elder Puni: Well you all take care and save the rest of the Punies. As for me, I wont be joining you. Not only did you steal my leadership, but i'm old as fuck. Before you head off, hears a sun orb. Basically, for some reason, it only activates when you place it in a black stone mail box looking thing. 1ce you do it, it shines a bright light that compels the Punies to briefly form a sex orgy on top of the scale.

Team M got distracted and entered the shop in the tree known as "Puni Pun's Party Shop" to sell a fire flower only so they can fill their inventory with some new cool items such as Ice Cocaine and a Mystery Box.

_[Inventory : 2 Shrooms, 1 Fire Weed, 1 POW Blocks, &amp; 2 jar of honey flavored vagelly syrup, Ice Cocaine, and Mystery Box and 2 Tasty Tonic Waters.]_

**Chapture 3 - 14 Oh shit! We forgot about the X-Nauts!**

The bizarre team of friends and the flock of Punies continued to waddle through the hidden path only to await for a special surpr- I mean... NOTHING!

Koops then broke the silence by saying, "Hey look! Its another Puni Orb box thing!"

Koops: Hey look! Its another Puni Orb box thing!

Puness: Uhh... We heard you the 1st time...

Koops: No. The Narrator said it 1st.

Puness: Oh nevermind.

Mario: Sweet! Now i'm gonna put the orb in to watch you guys fuck!

Mario placed the Puni orb in the 100 Puni scale causing all 100 Punies to get very horny and fuck eachother in a sex orgy mountain that was only 2% straight.

Suddenly, 1 of the big moments of this chapture started as a BIG ASS PURPLE CAGE fell out of nowhere and trapped all of the Team M members. Shit just got reel!

Mario: OH GOD DAMNIT!

Goombella: How did you guys not see the cage hanging above our heads!?

Mario: You didn't see it either dumbass!

Goombella: I know that but that's not my point!

Koops pulled out the Puni orb realizing that the Punies were still having an orgy.

The Punies all quickly and awkwardly split away from the orgy along with Flurrie being a part of the orgy as she was inside the damn pile getting hecta(100)-penetrated

Punio and Petuni woke up from the hypnotic orgy realizing that they just had sex.

Punio: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Petuni: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Punio: I JUST HAD SEX WITH MY SISTER! I LOST MY FUCKING VIRGINITY TO MY FUCKING SISTER! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN!?

Robotnik: SUP NIGGAS!?

Robotnik and 2 random X-Nauts jumped off from the ceiling with contradicting physics preparing to taunt the team of morons.

Mario and Goombella: Not this mother fucker again!

Robotnik ded a quick montage of perverted dances as he explained how well his plan worked.

Robotnik: HAR HAR HAR! I see you bunch of dicks fell into my rape cage where I RAPE people! Thats right! I worked my ass *shakes ass* off to design this bad girl, and boy did it work! Now you're all mine! You're all mine! YOUR ALL MIIIIYAIIIN! NA NA NA NA NAAAAA NAAAA SUCK MY DICK! Now we can do all kinds of wierd stuff *coresses man boobs together*! We can play Monopoly, spin the bottle, Connect 4, and my personal favorite, Limp Bizkit! HAR HAR HAR!

Mario: Bite my scum you putrid fucking retard.

Robotnik: Well I see you've made alot of new friends since our last thilly encounter.

Robotnik: Any doo doo, its 8:30 and I gotta go fart and choke myself while I masterbate to crude toddler quality fan art of myself while I wear a cowboy hat and cosplay as Black Swan! When I come back! You all will be wearing all of the diapers! HAR HAR HAR!

Robotnik: GOOD BYE NIGGAS!

Goombella: Great. So now how are we getting out of here?

Mario: Hold on. Let me just squeeze my fucking man boobs together to get all oily.

Mario: Welp... I'm out.

the lubed out Mario slipped out of the bars with his special retard powers.

Goombella: Wait.. What about us?

Mario: Hmm...

Punio: Hey what about us asshole asshole asshole!?

Mario: Yeah... We'll figure that out later.

Punathan: You fat fuck! You're just gonna abandoned us here! Hey! Why'd you come back? Did you leave your twinkies in here!?

Mario: At least im smart enough to find a way out of the fucking cages you grey blobs with cocks on your heads!

Koops: How can you leave us Mario!?

Flurrie: I like bondage you guys!

Puniper: He's just a stupid jew who thinks he's a fucking wop.

Mario: The fuck you say!? I'f I hear 1 more dipshit comment like that!? I will personally come in that cage, and kill all your asses. You hear me? ALL OF YOUR FUCKING ASSES

Petuni: Hey Mario? Wanna play an annoying game of mine?Its called "Stump Petuni"

Mario: THATS IT! I got a game right here. Its called "My Foot in your all of your Asses!"

Mario pressed his man meat bags together to conjure the horrid liquid that happens to be his body grease. He then slid through the bars. He got up and roared like a fuckin T Rex.

Mario: I'll KILL YOU BITCH!

Petuni: WAAAAAAAAAAA!

Mario jumped above her and started to do that unnecessary flip thing before doing his ground pound. A shadow ascended above Petuni's head that happened to be the eclipse of the ass of Mario. As he was doing the flip, Petuni ran off screaming for dear life. Right as Petuni dodged him, he ass slammed right through the floor like a retarded Loony Tunes character. Mario landed on an ass and was briefly paralyzed on his back from the dangerous fall.

Petuni: Look everyone! A way to escape! Let's land on him so we can have a safe fall.

Mario: Wait what? Nooo!

All 100 of the Punies landed on Mario's stomach safely yet violently.

**Chapture 3 - 15: Robotnik goes Berzerkerz!**

Flurrie soon randomly noticed another Puni orb holding thingy for 100 Punies with a matching platform underneath.

Flurrie: Look dearies! Its another orb holder.

Goombella: Wait... shouldn't we look around for traps this time. So you know, we DON'T get locked in the cage again!

Mario: ... I'm just gonna put the fucking ball inside.

Punio: NOOOOOOOOOOO!111

All of the Punies ran quickly and stepped on the platform to avoid another fuckin orgy.

Suddenly, an overhyped minor transition occurred that had the **Star of Envy** to emerge from 1 of the fountain like statues and hovered above them for a dumb dramatic effect.

Suddenly, Robotnik popped out of no where and swiped the Star.

Robotnik: Haha yeah!

Goombella: GOD DAMNIT!

Mario: Fuck! I forgot to grab it!

_Background Music: __E.G.G.M.A.N. by Paul Shortino_

Robotnik: Oh man, am I good or what? Or am I just DAYAMN SEXY BIATCH!? THATS RIGHT CUMWIESLES! You activated my trap card! You see, my sexual like instincts told me that the star would be here. I mean, come on! This is obviously the kind of fuck den that would hold the dedly fucking star! Yeah, I knew you all would escape from my unbreakable cage! And I knew you meat bags would find this room and find the next star so I can smash it up and INCREST THE SMAR PIECES ALL OVER MY GRACIOUS NAKED BODY and NOW IT'S ALL MINE! So I just needed your sorry fucking assholes to fall right into my lap. Oh... OOOOOOOOOHHHH!

Robotnik: So since you all brought me the star thing, I'm gonna give you a little treat.

Robotnik: MAGNUS VAG GRAPPLE!

Robotnik got on his knees and ripped off his shirt and pants exposing his big ass gut and diaper he had been wearing since the first fight against Mario.

The earth began to shake again.

Robotnik: CUM FORTH AS I SUMMON YOU! ASSBITCHCUNTDICKERECTIONFUCKGAYSEXHORNYIMSJACKOFFKOOTCHLABIAMANSTRATIONNUTSACKOVARIANPUSSYQUEERRANDYSHITTITSURETHRAVOLVAWANKERXXXYCHROMAZONE!

Robotnik did a high flip jump where he landed inside the cockpit. The chair of course had a dildo connected to the seat area in which he did indeed sit in a penetrating fashion.

Robotnik: Behold! My Magnus Vag Grapple! I made this out of supplies I bought at Home Depot!

Mario: Ha! No amount of protection you put on will change the magnitude of how thrashed your gonna get by my fist!

Robotnik: Don't be so sure about that you fucking wop!

**[BOSS BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 63

Goombella: Power Level 18

Koops: Power Level 30

Flurrie: Power Level 30

FP: 10

V.S.

Magnus Vag Grapple (Robotnik): Power Level 90

_Battle Music: TV Crimes by Black Sabbath_

[TURN 1]

Robotnik: Are you all cumming to my sexy robot yet!? Sorry, but this thing is armed with lots of shit, but not semen tissues. Thats what my diaper is for! You shall all face mercy as my vibrating buddy here crushes you flat. It vibrates so much, it makes my prostate region all tingly!

Goombella uses tattle: Magnus... Vag Grapple. Robotnik's robot he uses for battle and other purposes beyond what this book is allowed to talk about.

Mario: Hmm... I can't think of any good insults for Robotnik. I think he might get off to just about anything I can say to him. I guess I'll try shooting for his robot. He seems to have an emotional attachment to it. Hey! Magnus! You look like the box shaped dildo used to penetrate whales! You probably make their pussies bleed with your sharp edges. You are also the single greatest embarrassment to every single Mecha in the history of the entire Mecha Universe and you should feel bad!

Robotnik: Hey! I find that comment to be rather sexy! AND DEEPLY OFFENSIVE TO MY ROBOT! You hurt it's feelings! I feel for him because I AM A ROBOPHILIAC!

Mario: Yes. I'm aware...

Mario started the long awaited battle off with giving his new gay looking blue shoes by doing a regular jump attack on the robot's head: [2 Damage]

As Robotnik was planning his stomp attack, he was indecisively planning out who he was going to step on by switching who his foot was hovered over. He eventually chose to step on Goombella thinking it would turn her on: [2 Damage]

[TURN 2]

Goombella swapped places with Koops because she can't fight a robot worth shit.

Mario used his new ground pound attack for the first time in this series. He jumped high as fuck and delt with his fat ass [4 Damage] on the glass part of his cock pit

Robotnik uses his robo foot fetish foot of pain to stomp Mario: [2 Damage]

Robotnik: Take that you naughty little boy!

Mario: I will strangle you, you son of a bitch!

[TURN 3]

Koops stubbed Magnus' foot by doing a badass shell slam. If it was a human, that shit would get infected easily: [1 Damage]

Mario preformed yet another ground pound attack on the head on the Sex-bot: [4 Damage]

Mario: We are annihilating his ass big time Robotnik! You got any bigger guns?

Robotnik: As a matter of fag, I do! Behold! MAGNUS VAG ROCKET FISTS OF FISTING PEOPLE!

Robotnik: When I'm done with you, im gonna treat myself to sucking the whipped cream I just injected into my balls out of my dick, then into my mouth, through my intestines then finally, OUT MY ASS!

Robotnik somehow skipped his turn so he can show off his rocket fists like a horny retard.

[TURN 4]

Koops did another shell slam damaging Magnus' foot even further!: [1 Damage]

Mario pulled out the Ice Cocaine he bought earlier. He smashed the ice thing on the ground and started chopping it up with Wario's credit card.

Koops: Gee... Are you sure thats safe.

Mario: It's just sharp crystal specs of pure drugs entering my nazile cavity dumbass! How bad can it be?

Mario carelessly snorted the whole damn thing at 1ce and sneezed cold air so freezing, that it dealt Magnus and his fists [3 Damage]. It destroyed the hell out of the fists and froze the engine of the main machine.

Robotnik: No! NOO! Come on! Work it baby! You gotta work it! AWW!

Robotnik hopped out of Magnus and started doing a hot sexy stripper dance while rubbing parts of his body on the Mecha.

Robonik: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Robotnik had a full body orgasm so hard that it made the penile part of his diaper blast off.

_Battle Music: Gattai Nante Kusokurae! from Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann OST_

The steamy hot stripper dance of Robotnik majically warmed up the Robot and the engine started running again.

Robotnik: FIGHTING SPIRIT!

Robotnik jumped back into his robot like a professional olympian diver and geared back into bizarre mecha combat.

Robotnik got really excited it started working again, he got really excited to the point where he started stomping the floor alot in asspiesh ecstasy. This worked like a POW block effect so it knocked Koops on his back and dealt [2 Damage All]

[TURN 5]

Koops: AAAAHHHHHH! I CAN'T GET UP!

Mario: You bitch. Welp... Might as well use this.

Mario pulled out the **Star of Wrath** out of his overalls and held it above his head.

Mario: How does this work again...

Goombella: The star channels your **wrath** into energy! Remember!?

Mario: LISTEN HERE ROBOTNIK! THERES ONLY 2 THINGS YOUR GOOD FOR IN THIS WORLD! KILLING YOURSELF AND GETTING YOUR ASS KICKED! BY ME! YOU ARE THE UGLIEST CRETIN IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE AND NOT EVEN HITLER DESERVES TO BE BURIED NEXT TO YOUR GRAVE YOU STUPID FOUL UGLY FUCK!

The star started glowing and growing.

Mario: hehe... yeah... laugh now bitch.

Mario hopped on the star as it did a seismic fucking earth tremor attack that only did damage to Robotnik for the sake of the continuity of no friendly fire: [6 Damage]

The Machine started sparking as it only has 3/10 of its life still left.

2 double doors from the bottom of Magnus' body opened and a large metal rod shaped like a dick with a drill for it's head bursted out and took the form of a rocket.

Robotnik: WITNESS THE RAPE OF MY ALL POWERFUL MAGNUS VAG COCK!

Robotnik's robot cock drilled into Mario's mouth breaking 6 of his own teeth: [10 Damage]

[TURN 6]

Mario: AHHH! FUCK THAT HURT!

Flurrie: Mario! Let me tag in. I wanna party with that big hot metal doohickey of his...

Mario swapped Koops out for Flurrie.

Mario: This bleeding has to stop. Flurrie! Mushroom!

Flurrie fed Mario the mushroom: +5HP

Mario: Welp. It stopped the bleeding, but it only grow 3 of my teeth back...

Robotnik dealt another dick fire that was directed at Flurrie this time making her half blind in a very horrifyingly gory way.: [10 Damage]. As soon as she eats another shroom, she'll grow it back.

[TURN 7]

Flurrie uses appeal for the sake of sheer narcissism. No star power was given to Flurrie's ugly face cause she was so ugly.

Mario performs yet another ground pound attack on Robotnik making him even hornier with more things to jack it to: [4 Damage]

Robotnik: TIME FOR ANOTHER STEAMY DOSE OF MY GIANT ROBOT DRILLDO!

Flurrie stretched opened her pusswah and countered it by trapping the dick in her void of existential anguish being her vadgelly.

Robotnik: … Holy Shit!

[TURN 8]

Mario did 1 more ground pound attack really smashing the shit out of Magnus: [4 Damage]

The robot was barely operational and almost ded with a couple flames spawning out of its body.

Robotnik: I'M GONNA FUCK YOU UP! OYEFHEOFINGOSDSODJGSDOJGSBNDGOJSDBGOJSKN!

Flurrie: TIME FOR THE CLIMACTIC MOMENT OF THE CLIMAX!

Flurrie performs a boob slam so hard that it actually obliterated Magnus Vag Grapple with her unpleasantly heavy rack. Flurrie and Robotnik were unharmed luckily: [1 Damage] yeah...

**[END OF BOSS BATTLE]**

Robotnik flew upwards on a cloud of smoke and landed flat on his face.

Robotnik got on his knees and his face started to quiver in countless layers of sadness.

Robotnik: ww...ww..www...w...WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Robotnik rolled on the floor and spent about 10 minutes of spewing snot and shit and doing that going blind thing that some people do when they cry alot while everyone got in a circle and watched.

Mario: Haha. What a bitch.

During Robotnik's tantrum, he ripped off his blastedly soiled diaper and chucked it at Koops' face.

Koops: Guys! Look what I found in his diaper guys!

Koops held up the shit covered **Star of Envy.**

Goombella: Nice Koops! Also, you totally need to wash your hands big time! And the star!

Koops: Yeah I know.

Robotnik started running towards Madame Flurrie.

Robotnik: This is all your fault my favorite porn star ever you!

Robotnik tackled Flurrie and started making out of her!

Flurrie: Mmmmmm...oh…. oh yeah….mmmm How…mmmmmmmm... Arousing…

Flurrie and Robotnik started rolling around on the floor making out and soon began making sex.

Mario: WHAT THE FUCK!?

Goombella: OH MY GOD!

Koops: Oh the Horror.

Mario Goombella and Koops: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! ! ! ! !

_Closing theme: Intro To Finale And Closing (2nd half) by Bruce Faulconer_

It seems that Mario and the rest of Team M have become mortal enemies with the X-Nauts. Even so, they have returned peace to the Great Tree of Might at long last. Will more allies await them? What other kinds of challenges and enemies will these kind of heroes face? Find out when we break on through the other side next chapture of SUPER MARIO AND THE THOUSAND YEAR DRAMA!

\- To be continued

Credits:

_Credits music playing: I wanna be your dog by The Stooges_

Creator: IAMMASTER

Based on a True Game


	4. Chapture 4: Of Glitz and Gloryholes!

Disclaimers:

Disclaimers:

This is a parody of Paper Mario and the Thousand Year Door. All characters and various other royalties of Paper Mario are all reserved to Nintendo and Intelligent System as this is for parody use only.

This is an entirely separate universe from the original Paper Mario universe, so expect many inconsistencies made on purpose for comedic effect.

This story contains offensive content such as racist jokes, sexual content, sexism, drug use, a fuckload of violence, and a lot of other offensive shit that we can make jokes about. If you don't like offensive humor then I recommend not reading this but if you still decide to then please leave a comment about how offended you are, I'll get a kick out of it.

If you loved this game as a child and wish to preserve it as pure and full of childhood wonder in your mind then we recommend not reading this because it will fuck you up.

This parody is rated M for ENJOY!

**Super Mario and the**

**Thousand Year Drama!**

**(Kai Version)**

**Chapture 4: Of Glitz and Gloryholes!**

_Anticipation Music: Dragonball z American soundtrack - the saga continues by Bruce Faulconer_

Last time on Super Mario and the Thousand Year Drama, Mario and his strange pals arrived back to Gettoport yet again to learn about their new destination for the star in Boggly Woods where they made it to a giant tree. They were immediately encountered by a series of X-Nauts and they rescued the rest of the punies. Team M as always, used their smashing abilities to take on Robotnik in a fight for the 2nd star. Stay interested and find out what happened this issue of SUPER MARIO! AND THE THOUSAND! YEAR! DRAMA!

Lets skip the 1st 3 sub-chaptures since they're on the uncut version. Wanna find out what happens, you know what to do.

**Chapture 4 - 4: Back to da Ghetto Again!**

**[Boggly Woods]**

Mario: Well that was 1 retarded adventure.

Mario lit up a cigarette.

Koops: Where did you get that cigarette?

Mario: Who knows...

Flurrie: Shall we be off to Ghettoport now?

Mario: Shit, your really coming with us?

Flurrie: Why yes of course my lovely little lads! What kind of person would I be if I left the team and went home only to be so far away from my sexy team?

Goombella: A great person!?

Koops: Uhh... Mario? Are you gonna finish that cigarette?

Mario: Actually. I just lit it randomly. I don't really know why I just did that. I keep forgetting I don't smoke these.

Mario carelessly chucked his cigarette behind his shoulder landing somewhere on the Great Tree of Might.

Mario: Let's get going.

While they all took off, the cigarette Mario threw away started slowly lighting the Great Tree of Might on fire. The best part is, is that none of them noticed that the tree was about to burn down. Also, the Punies were still trapped in prison so they pretty much all died. YAAAAAY!

Koops: Do you guy's smell something burning?

**[Ghettoport Sewer]**

Flurrie: Ahh... The 1000 year door you all have been talking about. Mmm... It's so big and pink and deep It reminds me of Ghettoport's vadgelly...

Goombella: It's not a fucking vadgelly Flurrie. Its a Door. We need the 7 Dedly stars to open it.

Flurrie: Well I bet I can find another way to open it early.

Goombella: Sure... Now Mario, stand on the center podium of the shrine to activate that ritual from last time.

Mario: Yeah yeah! I know how to do it. I've done it 2ice before

As usual, blu rays bursted out of the shrine and through the circumference. Both the Stars of **Wrath and Envy** began glowing in their designated location. Everything was spinning. The map soon burnt another illustration on the upper side of the map. This time, it was a floating babylon like dojo propelled by bursting flames from the bottom possibly ravishing the OZone layer. Also, there was a giant Chain Chomp in the middle that might even be the boss they have to face this chapture. This was shown floating between Hooktail's castle and the Great Tree of Might. Sky level?

Koops: Wow! Check it out Mario! This level looks like it's gonna be in the sky. Huh. Looks like we need to get our jet packs huh?

Mario: Shut up Koops!

Goombella: Hey Flurrie! You can stop licking the door! Its not like its gonna open that way!

Flurrie: Give it time girl. It just needs to get a little more wet from my luscious tongue.

**Chapture 4 - 5: Frankly don't give a Fuck**

Mario started slamming the door with his hammer unsuccessfully.

Mario: Fuck! He must have bought a better door this time!

Flurrie: Mario. Allow me...

Flurrie knocked Mario out of the way with her stupid boobs and she farted on the door causing even the door to get so grossed out, that it disintegrated.

Frankly was seen hangin' himself from a noose with his pants off while passed out. Team M was surely surprised.

Goombella: OH MY GOD! PROFESSOR FRANKLY IS DED!1

Goombella started tearing up again.

Goombella: NOOOOO! SOME 1! CUT THAT ROPE! NOW!

Goombella kicked Koops' shell causing him to spin and fly at the rope cutting it down like a Bob Chandler on the internet.

Goombella: GIVE HIM AIR! NOW! SOME1!

Flurrie: I'll do it!

Flurrie grabbed Frankly in a provocative like grip and started giving him errotic CPR in the grossest way possible.

Frankly: *COUGH COUGH* BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!Ugg... Where am I? and EWW! WHAT'S THAT GROSS TASTE IN MY MOUTH!? I'VE HAVEN'T TASTED SO MUCH ASS, SINCE I WAS IN VIETNAM!

Flurrie: Why thats my breath hunny... From eating my own ass.

Koops: Wait, so professor, Why were you trying to kill yourself with your pants down?

Frankly: Well.. Lets see... How do I explain... Are you kids familiar with Auto Erotic Asphyxiation? It's an act for an intensifying orgasm by depriving the body of oxygen. In other words, choking yourself gives you a really good high while also giving an even greater orgasm. It can be performed by both sexes, and can be done alone while masturbatiing, or during sex.

Goombella: Okay okay! Geez! Thats a little too much information.

Frankly: I must have passed out in the middle of it. Its good you came or else I probably would have died. I guess that's a good thing...yes...

Goombella: Yeah... Well, anyway, we found the 2nd star! So, you know, we did the whole ritual shit and all. You know anything about this new location on the map?

Frankly: Hmmmm, I'm assuming you all are familiar with the show The Glory Hole?

Flurrie: Go on...?

Mario: You mean that show on that dying network; EFPN? (Entertainment and FanFiction Programming Network) That Frikken place floats in the sky!? I thought it just took place in some crummy part of Indiana!

Frankly: Stunning isn't it? The name of the floating island/ town it's in is known as Glitzville. Families go there on vacation to get drunk and puke sweat and cheap expired hotdog meat at the contestants.

Goombella: So wait? How the hell are we supposed to get there if it's floating in the fucking sky?

Koops: Heh... Maybe we can just drink some Redbull. You know... I'd become a Paratroopa, you become a Paragoomba, 1 of us can carry Mario, and Flurrie can already fly!

Goombella: ...*Sigh* God damnit Koops. That's just a dumb fucking gag in the commercials!

Koops: Wait. Really? I've never had a Redbull before so idk.

Frankly: It's common knowledge that red bulls do not give you wings you TWIT!

Frankly grabbed the map and tapped Koops in the nose.

Koops: Oww. That actually hurt.

Koops' bandaid spot on his nose actually started bleeding.

Frankly: NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE BEFORE I CALL THE HAWAIIAN MAFIA ON YOUR ASSES! I GOTTA GO BACK TO CHOKING MYSELF WHILE MASTERBATING!

Koops: I like how you never put your pants back on.

Frankly: YOU OWE ME A NEW ROPE FOR HANGING MYSELF!

Frankly kicked the awkward team out of his house with a power kick.

Frankly: AND STOP GROSING OUT MY DOORS!

Mario: Fuck that guys a dick! Lets go to the bar and get drunk or something.

Flurrie: I have a better idear!

Flurrie: Every1 Grab my Boob!

Mario, Goombella, and Koops Grabbed Flurrie's left boob.

Goombella: Eww...

Flurrie: TO GLITZVILLE!

Flurrie and friends flew away off to the direction of Glitzville with Mario and the rest of the Team grabbing her saggy veiny ass cans abandoning the blimp entirely. If any of them let go of her, they will die... forever!

**Chapture 4 - 9 to 4 - 20: What happens in Glitzville stays in Glitzville.**

**[Glitzville]**

After skipping 3 sub-chaptures that none of you reading this would have cared about, Flurrie landed the gang of morons on the plateau of the floating castle- I mean... Dojo. There were food courts everywhere and other kinds of industrialized concepts. In the far back of the floating man-made island was the dojo itself with the Chain Chomp above the doors making the dojo look scary. Oh wait. I explained that in the map update. Thanks to everything smelling like fast food, tons of drunk families with their drunk ass kids were walking around mindlessly trying to stuff their faces with just about any gross edible thing they can find laying around. Hey, Ever wonder how Glitzville can find all of the fossil fuel to make this small city float? Like, holy fuck.

Goombella: This is TOTALLY crazy! I never thought I would ever stand on a floating island in my life! I mean, wow! You're probably used to it Mario, but still!

Mario: Well you have. It's called a planet!

Flurrie: Now where can we find this Gloryhole business... My cooter is curious...

Mario: It's right in front of us you floating cesspool of a creature!

After all that misheff, Team M arrived in the lobby of the Glitzville Gloryhole; a hole for glory and nothing more...

Koops: Damn! This place be huge! Liek mah dick. Hehe.

Goombella: *Sigh*

Mario: I don't give a shit, cause your a FUCKING PUSSY! Now where's the fucking star?

Goombella: It doesn't look like it's around here.

Flurrie: Maybe it's behind those big vadgelly looking doors over there?

Goombella: But doesn't that lead to the arena or something?

Koops: Don't we otta gotta pay for dem tix to see some trix?

Mario: You see an usher around here? Lets just check inside. If not, I can just smash the engines and sink this floating island killing every1 and everything. That way, we can just look through the rubble and find the star no problem!

Goombella: Yeah... Lets just go through the door and hopefully the star isn't being used as like, the champion's belt ornament of something. lol.

The dumb team entered the loud arena where Mario and the strange heroes were encountered by the obnoxious roars of drunkened spectators. Some of them managed to get distracted over the fact that Mario's right fucking there!

Mario: So this is what it's like inside the glory hole huh?

Max (Age 13): HOLY CRAP! YOU GOTTA BE SHITTING ME!

Michael (Age 39): I WANNA RAPE YOU SO BADLY!

Jake (Age 31): IS THAT RON JEREMY!?

Ryan (Age 46): HEY MARIO! PUNCH ME REALLY HARD IN THE FACE!

Dan (Age 16): PLAY WITH MY BUTT!

Nick (Age 25): MARIO! HEY MARIO! OVER HERE! CAN YOU SIGN MY BALLS!?

The random fan pulled down his own pants to exposing his ball sack for Mario.

Mario: How about this.

Mario kicked the guys balls instead.

Nick: OUCH! EVERY1! I JUST GOT MY BALLS KICKED BY MARIO! #MARIOKICKEDMYBALLSEVERY1! #MARIOKICKEDMYBALLSEVERY1!

Will (Age 39): MARIO! CAN YOU HELP ME WIPE!?

Alexis (Age 34): MARIO! CAN YOU FART ON MY BABY!? LEMME GET MY CAMERA 1ST!

Chris (Age 69): SONIC THE HEDGEHOG IS WAY BETTER!

Cory (Age 35): MARIO! CHECK OUT THIS HENTAI I MADE OF YOU! YOU LIKE IT!?

Mario: I don't fucking believe this shit.

Alex (Age 24): MARIO GIVES ME AIDS!

Chase (Age 42): O GEEZ! MARIO! IM SO NERVOUS!

Kelly (Age 18): BRING BACK YOUR OLD DOWN B MOVE IN SMASH BROS!

Mario: This... is getting annoying fast. Lets go before I kill all of my asstarded fans in here.

Koops: Wait a sec YO! I'm diggin this fight! These moves are tight!

Koops pointed to the fight directing the team to pay attention to the fight. A giant overgrown retarded conary who thinks he's a Hawk on steroids with a black speedo who has a low functioning John Cena complex beating the crap out of a Koopa shaped scary looking robot.

Rawk Hawk (Age 27): ALRIGHT LADES AND DJENTS! CHECK YOUR WATCHES AND TELL ME,

WHAT TIME IT IS!?

The Audience: 1:03 PM!

Rawk Hawk: NO GOD DAMNIT! ITS RAWK O' CLAWK!

Rawk Hawk jumped in the air and viciously wrapped his legs around the Dark Koopatrol (Age 36) causing him to fall on his back. Then he proceeded in an act of overkill by curb stomping his fucking balls.

Dark Koopatrol: OW!

Mario: OH THAT SHIT LOOKS SO STAGED!

The speakers blasted the sound of a distorted power chord in an E flat tone. What? Does any1 else reading this play guitar?

Rawk Hawk: THATS RIGHT YOU FUCKING FAGGOT! I WIN! YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSELF FOR BEING SUCH A STINKING LOSER FAGGOT LOSER! NEXT TIME YOU FIGHT ME, YOU BETTER THINK AGAIN UNLESS YOU WANNA GET RAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWKKKKKKKKKEEEEED BRAH!

The Host of the Glory Hole Vince McMa- I meant... Grubba (Age 59) the fat purple big lipped cowboy talking fish duck penguin turtle dinosaur thing with Ozzy Osbourne's Shades, red pony tail, tuxedo for people who do alot of cocaine only, and manly fedora, and a neckbeard stepped onto the ring where he declared Rawk Hawk as the new champion.

Grubba: YIIIHAAA! LOOK LIKE WE GOT OURSELVES A NEW CHAMPION IN THE ROOTIN' TOOTIN' GLORYHOLE!

Rawk Hawk: YOU WEAKLINGS MIGHT AS WELL STICK TO READING FAN FICTION, OK? CAUSE I'LL HURT YOU...BY PUSHING YOU! YEAH! 1 RULE CAUSE I'M THE CHAMPION! RAWK HAWK IS THE CHAMP! HARDYHARHARHARHARHARHARHARHARHARHARHAR! RAWK HAWK STYLE!

Grubba: Ho ho ho! Sorry. I didn't mean to make my laugh sound like Santa... ANYWAY, HERE'S THE CHAMPION'S BELT PASSED DOWN FOR ALMOST 10000000000000 YEARS!

Grubba ripped off the champion belt from the Dark Koopatrol's... MOUTH, and handed Rawk Hawk the belt in which he narcissistically raised in the air as if he was some kind of champion in a wrestling match. ... Oh wait a minute... shit. Also as Goombella predicted and going by the game itself the Star of **Greed** was used as the ornament for the champion belt...

Koops: MARIO! LOOKY LOOKIDY LOOK LOOK! DAT RAWKA FLAWKA HAWKA GUY'S GOT THAT ... uhh... THE STAR WE LOOKIN' FOR!

Mario: Holy shit! That's the quickest we've ever spotted the star! That was easy! Alright, let me make my way through the crowd and kick his ass!

Goombella: No Mario!

Mario ignored Goombella and trampled his way through the Dojo like the inconsiderate wop he is injuring 100s of audience members trampling over their kids and infants without a care in the world. Welp, obviously for the star. But you get the idea.

Rawk Hawk: WHO THE FUCK IS THIS GAYLORD!?

Mario: EXCUSE ME! BUT THAT STAR ON THE CHAMPION'S BELT? YEAH, THAT BELONGS TO US ASSHOLE!

Rawk Hawk: WHOA NOW! GET AWAY FROM MY BELT UNLESS YOU WANNA GET RAWK KNAWKED!

Grubba: WELL HOOOOOOOOOOO NELLY! WE GOT A RANDOM AUDIENCE MEMBER COMIN UP HERE CHALLENGIN THE CHAMP TO A HOOTENANNY HOEDOWN! SECURITIMS! SECURITIMS! TAKE THIS GUY OUT OF HERE!

As Mario approached the stage, 100 Blue clones with glasses and suits and yellow mo hawks called Securitims blocked the way.

100 Securitims: FREEZE! STEP AWAY FROM THE STAGE!

Mario: WHAT YOU ASSCLOWNS GONNA DO ABOUT IT!? HIT ME!?

All of the Securitims tackled Mario like an overblown game of football.

Goombella: MARIO! YOU FOOL! HOW COULD YOU EXPOSE OUR PLANS LIKE THIS!?

Koops: Gee wilikers Goombella. Is he gonna be alright?

Flurrie: Wait. Look! He's breaking out!

In the hied of the moment, Mario Raised his arms out like a Berzerker and knocked all 100 Securitims flat onto the wall!

Audience: IS THAT MARIO!?

Grubba: BUT I….I…. JUST MADE A NEW BATCH OF THOSE CLONES!

Mario: Alright assholes! Hand over the star! I'm not fucking around here!

Goombella: Mario! What are you doing!? Can't you see your making a huge scene!? It's probably gonna go on the news!

Flurrie: Well I don't know… I kind of like having all this attention. It sure takes me back to my porno days.

Goombella: You're not helping!

Mario: FUCK YOU! I do what I want cause I'm fucking Mario!

Grubba: Hmm… WELL SEEING AS THOUGH YOU OUTMATCHED THE SECURITIMS, IT LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GONNA TAKE YOU DOWN USING ALL OF OUR FIGHTERS AT 1CE!

Audience: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Goombella: Aww shit…. I can't believe you made a scene this bad.

Mario: It's what I do best! I think my fans can agree.

Mario: ALRIGHT! WE'LL ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE! IF I WIN, I GET THE STAR ON THE BELT!

Grubba: AND IF I WIN, … I'M SUING YOU HAVE HAVING YOU AND YOUR CREW EXECUTED IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE!

Koops: I love that Pokemon!

Goombella: He's talking about killing us!

Koops: But he's joking right?

Mario: Yes. This wrestling shit is fake as fuck and they should be ashamed.

Grubba: ALRIGHT! LET'S BRING EM OUT NOW!

The speakers suddenly blasted _Walk by Pantera _as an army of different generic Mario enemies came forth getting ready to battle. And they all seemed to have had full health. They had 5 Goombas, 2 KP Koopas, 1 KP Paratroopa, 3 Pokeys, 3 Dull Bones, 2 Spineys, 1 Lakitu, 2 Bandits, 2 Big Bandits, 1 Pale Piranha, 1 Dark Puff, 1 Pider, 3 Hyper Bald Clefts, 4 Bobombs, 2 Iron Clefts, 2 Red Spike Tops, 2 Bristles, 2 Shady Koopas, 1 Shady Paratroopa, 1 Fuzzy, 1 Green Fuzzy, 1 Flower Fuzzy, 1 Red Majikoopa, 1 White Majikoopa, 1 Green Majikoopa, 1 Dark Craw, 1 Hammer Bro, 1 Boomerang Bro, 1 Fire Bro, 2 Red Chomps, 1 Dark Koopatrol, and 1 Rawk Hawk.

Rawk Hawk: YOU THINK YOU CAN WITHSTAND THE LIKES OF US YOU TERRORISTS!? YOU MESS WITH RAWK HAWK, YOU GET YOUR SAWKS KNAWKED!

Mario: FINE! YOUR 100, against me and my 3! We'll kick your ass and no 1 will feel bad!

Goombella: Great. Now they think we're terrorists….

Mario: Relax. This is nothing. Who the hell do you think I am?

Rawk Hawk: A GAY TERRORIST!

Koops: Your Mario right?

Mario: Shut up Koops!

**[BIG ASS BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 63

Goombella: Power Level 50

Koops: Power Level 56

Flurrie: Power Level 30

FP: 10

V.S.

Goomba 1: Power Level 3

Goomba 2: Power Level 3

Goomba 3: Power Level 3

Goomba 4: Power Level 3

Goomba 5: Power Level 3

KP Koopa 1: Power Level 12

KP Koopa 2: Power Level 12

KP Paratroopa: Power Level 12

Pokey 1: Power Level 10

Pokey 2: Power Level 10

Pokey 3: Power Level 10

Dull Bones 1: Power Level 3

Dull Bones 2: Power Level 3

Dull Bones 3: Power Level 3

Lakitu: Power Level 10

Spiney 1: Power Level 18

Spiney 2: Power Level 18

Bandit 1: Power Level 10

Bandit 2: Power Level 10

Big Bandit 1: Power Level 20

Big Bandit 2: Power Level 20

Pale Piranha: Power Level 8

Dark Puff: Power Level 6

Pider: Power Level 10

Hyper Bald Cleft 1: Power Level 12

Hyper Bald Cleft 2: Power Level 12

Hyper Bald Cleft 3: Power Level 12

Bob-Omb 1: Power Level 12

Bob-Omb 2: Power Level 12

Bob-Omb 3: Power Level 12

Bob-Omb 4: Power Level 12

Iron Cleft 1: Power Level Infinity

Iron Cleft 2: Power Level Infinity

Red Spike Top 1: Power Level 38

Red Spike Top 2: Power Level 38

Bristle 1: Power Level 9

Bristle 2: Power Level 9

Shady Koopa 1: Power Level 30

Shady Koopa 2: Power Level 30

Shady Paratroopa: Power Level 30

Fuzzy: Power Level 5

Green Fuzzy: Power Level 13

Flower Fuzzy: Power Level 15

Red Majikoopa: Power Level 21

White Majikoopa: Power Level 21

Green Majikoopa: Power Level 21

Dark Craw: Power Level 80

Hammer Bro: Power Level 32

Boomerang Bro: Power Level 21

Fire Bro: Power Level 26

Red Chomp 1: Power Level 53

Red Chomp 2: Power Level 53

Dark Koopatrol: Power Level 175

Rawk Hawk: Power Level 120

[TURN 1]

Goombella: OH MY GOD! THERE'S SO MANY OF THEM!

Mario: I love how people here are making a show out of this with random people stepping in.

Goombella: Mario! Come on! This is serious! What do we do?

Mario started holding up the Star of **Wrath**

Mario: WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID BITCH! YOU"VE ESPECIALLY BEEN A PAIN IN MY ASS ALL DAMN DAY!

As usual, the star started glowing and about to smash some stupid asshole wrestler asshats.

Goombella: Great plan! Let's hop on!

Mario and his strange friends hopped on the star of Wrath and smashed the shit out of some lame ass Mario enemies with a vicious earthquake that spilled every1's beer and for the sake of annoying fan service, made every1's boobs jiggle. The only remaining shitty enemies left that weren't ded or knocked out were 2 of the Big Bandits, 2 of the Iron Clefts, 3 of the Shady Koopas, 3 of the Majikoopas, Dark Craw, the variations of Hammer Bros, the Dark Koopatrol, and Rawk Hawk: [6 Damage]

Goombella uses head bonk on the Shady Paratroopa giving that bastard some good ol' internal bleeding and knocked him out: [2 Damage All]

Flurrie uses boob bounce of grossness and obliterated the Green Majikoopa on his broom stick: [2 Damage]

Mario: Koops! Do it! Use the fucking power Shell!

Koops: Okay! I will! Thank you Mario!

Koops used a power shell that hurt almost all of the enemies knocking out the Big Bandits, The Shady Koopas, The Majikoopas, And the Hammer bros. With The Iron Clefts, Dark Craw, Dark Koopatrol, and Rawk Hawk remaining: [3 Damage All]

Rawk Hawk: HAR HAR HAR! THAT WAS ONLY THE APPETIZER! NOW YOU HAVE 5 OF THE STRONGEST FIGHTERS EVER! LET'S SEE YOU GET PAST THE IRON CLEFTS!

Both Iron Cleft: RAAAAAHHH!

The Iron Cleft both rammed into Flurrie with more brute force than you can possibly conceive: [8 Damage]

Dark Craw: I see you flippity flappity jiggloodannies thinking you can ooouuuut stand the likes of us!? Well see this here, you have anotha thang awaiting foryuh nyaah!

Dark Craw chucked a Spear right between Goombella's eyes which was dangerously close to blinding her: [6 Damage]

Dark Koopatrol headbutted Koops with the spiky part of his helmet: [4 Damage]

Koops: MY HOODIE! Aww shucks! You tore a hole in it!

Dark Koopatrol: Get armor! It's way better!

Koops: Mario! I don't know if you notice, but I really don't like this guy!

Mario: I know! That's why we're kicking his fucking ass right now!

Rawk Hawk: HAAAARRR! DON'T BE SO SURE THAT YOUR GONNA WIN, GET IT? CAUSE YOU WON'T YOU GAY PORN STAR LOOKING SISSY! HAR HAR HAR! PREPARE TO GET RAWK KNAWKED!

Rawk Hawk did a Sonic the Hedgehog homing attack and assaulted Team M Along with Koops getting Knocked on his back [4 Damage]

Koops: NOOO! Mario! I can't get up! Ahh! This sucks so much ass right now!

Flurrie: Mario…. I think i'm almost down. More down then eating pussy….

Goombella: Mario! What are we gonna do!? These guys are wicked tough!

Mario: Well… When Koops knocked out those bandits, I grabbed a handful of badges I can put on. Let's see. We have the **Piercing Blow, Power Jump, Sleepy Stomp, Power Rush, Power Plus P, and a Charge P Badge. **I think I'm gonna have to move some badges around for this.

Goombella: Can you put them on now?

Mario: Normally no, but since it's the Kai version, why the fuck not.

Rawk Hawk: HAR HAR HAR! LOOK LIKE YOU BEST BE PREPARING TO LOSE CAUSE YOU'RE RUNNING OUT OF OPTIONS TEAM F! GET IT? FOR…. FAGGOT! HA!

A hole smashed through the ceiling with a big buff gorilla like creature with a red tie bursted on to the stage.

Donkey Kong (Age 45): I THINK NOT!

Mario: Oh god damnit. Not you.

Donkey Kong: Here I come to save the day guys!

Grubba: Where do all these obscene characters keep coming from!?

Donkey Kong: Well Mario. I was gonna rape your ass for neglecting me from Paper Mario, but it looks like you're in a hell of your own right now. I figured, WHY DON'T I, DK STAND IN TO BE THE HERO AND YOU AND I CAN DO EACH OTHER A FAVOR INSTEAD!

Mario: Well alright. Whatever.

Donkey Kong: WAIT! 1 more thing! Do you want this hammer I found at a juice store?

Mario: Please don't let it be your-

Donkey Kong: It's NOT my cock this time! I promise! Just take it!

Donkey handed Mario a metal titanium hammer

Mario: Holy shit! Thank you for being 1 character that isn't a piece of shit!

Donkey Kong: It's whateves! As long as I have a moment to shine. It's all fucktastic! I can also contribute 10 extra as well.

Donkey Kong has temporarily joined Team M!: Power Level 175 35 - 5 - 0

Mario: Okay Cool! Maybe we do have more of a shot now.

[TURN 2]

Mario uses quake hammer slightly harming all of the partners including knocking the Dark Koopatrol on his back for a couple of turns: [2 Damage]

Goombella uses multi bonk bonk on the Horizontally challenged Koopatrol: [9 Damage]

Flurrie ate an entire bag of super shrooms to replenish: [10 HP]

DK aka Donkey Kong uses his up B move in smash bros that does a pretty good amount of damage on Dark Craw: [5 Damage]

Both of the Iron Cleft charge into DK dealing him: [8 Damage]

Iron Cleft 1: HE HE HE! Look at us! Look how tough we are! Our power levels are infinite. There's no way you can beat us!

Iron Cleft 2: Yeah! You guys don't even stand a chance you fagwads!

Dark Craw: I see you flippity flappity jiggloodannies thinking you can ooouuuut stand the likes of the papa baton noir!? Well see this here, you have anotha thang awaiting foryuh nyaah!

Mario: What?

Dark Craw threw a spear at Mario stabbing him in the knee. Just kidding! Shoulder: [6 Damage]

Mario: FFFFFFFcunt!

Dark Koopatrol: FUCK! I CAN'T GET UP AND ATTACK!

Rawk Hawk: HA! AND THAT'S WHY YOU'RE A SILVER LOZER! A GAY 1!

Rawk Hawk: ANYWAY, PREPARE YOURSELF! FOR YOU ARE ABOUT TO FEAST YOUR EYES ON THIS FAWKING ULTIMATE RAWKIN MOVE! PREPARE TO GET RAWK GLAWKED!

Rawk Hawk hovered in the air and did his cheesy air strike at DK: [6 Damage]

Donkey Kong: YOU ARE SO SODOMIZED YOU RETARDED CONARY!

[TURN 3]

Mario uses piercing blow on 1 of the iron clefts which sadly resulted in jack shit.

Mario: Jeez… They really weren't kidding about being invincible. Obviously there's gotta be some kind of way around that crap.

Koops: I got back up guys! Now I can actually do stuff again!

Mario: Good for you loser.

Koops uses another power shell blast finishing off the Dark Craw,

Donkey Kong uses Charge boosting up his B standard attack.

Flurrie finishes off Dark Koopatrol by bashing her shitty body all over the tin Koopa: [3 Damage]

Goombella attacked Rawk Hawk with a double head bonk on Rawk Hawk: [6 Damage]

Rawk Hawk: OUCH, FOR A GIRL, YOU SURE FIGHT LIKE A DYKE!

Goombella: YOU HAVE A 0 IQ!

Both Iron Clefts bash Donkey Kong as he appears to be their main target currently: [8 Damage]

Rawk Hawk: OKAY REAL TAWK! YOU WILL NOT BLAWK ME! I WAS THE ULTIMATE JAWK IN HIGHSCHOOL! AND I INTEND TO KEEP IT THAT WAY!

Mario: STOP SAYING THINGS THAT RHYME WITH "AWK" YOU RETARDED CONERY!

Rawk Hawk: YOU WANT RETARDED? I'LL GIVE YOU RETARDED! FEAR THIS!

Rawk Hawk started bouncing on the ground like a pissed off toddler who didn't get to dress up as a pink power ranger for halloween. Suddenly, a big metal bar started to lower from the ceiling. When it got lowered just enough, Rawk Hawk did a super jump, and grabbed onto the giant bar.

Rawk Hawk: FEAST YOUR EYES ON THIS FAWKING ULTIMATE RAWKIN MOVE! PREPARE TO GET RAWK FLAWKED!

Rawk Hawk started shaking the bar with his mighty arms, and suddenly, random somewhat sharp metal objects started falling and started landing on every1 and I mean every1. They all felt damage between 1 and 10 except for Koops who was fortunate enough to have a shell to hide in. [4 Damage on Mario], [7 Damage on Goombella (Danger)], [4 Damage on Flurrie], and [6 Damage on Donkey Kong (Danger)]

Rawk Hawk: YOU JUST GOT THE RAWK SMACK DOWN!

Mario: STOP CHANGING THE NAMES OF YOUR MOVES!

**[COMMERCIAL MODE]**

DO YOU WANT TO GET BEEF? DO YOU WANT TO GET TOUGH? THEN GET YOUR ASS OFF THE COUCH AND BUY SOME MAN COLA! MAN COLA! WITH MAN COLA, YOU CAN PUNCH TORNADOES, BATHE IN VOLCANOES, AND CRUSH ASTEROIDS WITH YOUR FAAAAAACE! THIS ISN'T NO ORDINARY MAN COLA NEITHER! THAT'S RIGHT! IT'S JOHN CENA'S MAN COLA! BEAT UP YOUR BOSS FROM WORK, SMACK YOUR WIFE, AND MOST OF ALL, KICK THE ASS OF THAT KID THAT KEEPS PICKING ON ME ON RAINY STREET! SO GO DOWN TO YOUR LOCAL GROCERY STORE, AND BUY SOME OF JOHN CENA'S HOME MADE MAN COLA! MAN COLA! ONLY 9 COINS PER 6 PACK! BUY IT NOW! YOU FUCKING PUSSY! This product is not for woman.

**[END OF COMMERCIAL]**

[TURN 4]

Goombella: Fuck… that was a powerful move…

Mario: We need food to fix our health. Let me look around for a second. I think I can find a solution.

Mario suddenly spotted a kid holding a Yoshi Egg.

Mario: And the solution is spotted!

Mario quickly ran off stage and kicked the kid's head off and stole his Yoshi egg!

Mario: HAHA! IT'S MINE NOW BITCH!

Mario: GOOD NEWS GUYS! Problem solved! As soon as we eat this egg, we're kicking these wrestler's pansy asses

As soon as Mario tried to take a bite out of the egg, a black Yoshi popped out of the egg and smacked Koops compulsively.

Yoshi (Age JUST FUCKING BORN): Yo! Which 1 of you bitches are my birth parents!?

Mario: Holy shit! Its a Black fucking Yoshi!

Goombella: How does he already know how to talk?

Yoshi: Girl, I don't know! I'm a fucking crack baby! That means I can do all kinds of crazy shit!

Yoshi: But yeah! I be all knowin what's been goin on and shit! Like, I know how you motha fuckaz are after them dedly stars, I know yall are doin that by stealin that champion belt, I know all about yo M-Crew! Howz dat for savin time?

Koops: When did you hear about our plan?

Yoshi: Like I said, I'M TRYIN TO SAVE TIME BITCH! WORK WITH MAH ASS BITCH!

Koops: Uhh….. Okay...

Mario: Yeah yeah yeah… Incase you dumb shits forgot, WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A FUCKING BATTLE!

Yoshi: Yei whateva. Imma just do this joinin shit now.

Yoshi has joined Team M

Yoshi's abilities: I primer-

Mario: WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!

Yoshi uses Gulp on the Iron Clefts: [4 Damage]

Iron Cleft 1; NO WAY! HE FIGURED OUT HOW TO BREAK THROUGH OUR DEFENSE!?

Iron Cleft: THAT'S CHEATING!

Yoshi: Man…. you stupid ass bitches! I'm just smart enough to know how physics work!

Goombella: Weren't you just born?

Yoshi: Let me reiterate, I'M A FUCKING CRACK BABY! A MAJICAL 1 AT THAT!

Koops drank some vadgelly syrup replenishing 5 FP.

Mario smoked a lightning blotta for the 1st time and used that to some how zap Rawk Hawk off the bar he was hangin off: [5 Damage]

Rawk Hawk: OWW! MY BUTT! THAT HURT MY BUTT! YOU'LL WILL SUFFER FOR THAT GONZALES!

Goombella uses another double head bonk blast on Rawk Hawk: [6 Damage]

Flurrie used her 3rd gross body slam at Rawk Hawk: [3 Damage]

Rawk Hawk: AWW! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO! MAKE ME GAY!?

Donkey Kong: YES WE ARE!

Donkey Kong followed this obscure remark with a fist to Rawk Hawk's beak breaking it and smashing his body on the wall knocking him out unconscious: [25 Damage]

Rawk Hawk: GRANDPAPPY WAS RIGHT….. I'M ONLY GOOD… FOR BUTT RAPE!

Mario: Dude, that last remark made absolutely no sense asshole.

Donkey Kong: I beat the champion for you so your welcome douche.

Suddenly, Donkey Kong got trampled flat by the 2 Iron Cunts knocking him out: [8 Damage]

[TURN 5]

Yoshi: Damn! That monkey motha fucka got his ass trampled! Oh well. Out the way motha fuckas.

Yoshi repeated the gulping process by grabbing the 1st Iron Cleft with his mouth like his throw attack in smash bros. Then he projectiled him on the 2nd Iron Cleft smashing them in a couple pieces!

Due to all the enemies they faced, Mario leveled up 3 levels putting him at level 11.

**[END OF BIG ASS BATTLE]**

All of the Team M members were high fiving eachother like a quintet of badasses for putting up with that XTREEEM CLUSTERFUCK of a battle.

Yoshi: YEI! WE DID IT!

Koops: Holy Guacamole! I feel exhilarated!

Goombella: WOw! that turned out better than I expected!

Flurrie: I Flurrie, want to partake in rape with you all like no tomorrow!

Grubba: We have a hot-diggedy-DEMON! You guys actually beat all of my finest fighters!

Mario: HA! WE WIN! You know what that means… Hand over the belt fuckwad!

Grubba: Fine… Guess yall earned it fair and square! It's a shame y'all don't wanna be professional fighters cause y'all would be stars!

Right when Grubba was about to hand Mario the Belt, Donkey Kong suddenly woke up and quickly stole the belt when least expected.

Donkey Kong: AHA! JOKES ON YOU TWAT HOLES! NOW I REALLY GOT WHAT I WANTED!

Mario: What!? DAMNIT DK! YOU BASTARD!

Donkey Kong: Oh please. As if I give a lick of crap of what you think! I'm the champion now! This is the payback you get for not letting me in Paper Mario! Now watch, as I go pawn this off for an expensive sex swing! WITH GUNS! LATER BITCH FARRIES! HAHAHAHEFUHAEFIOEBFISOBSKJGSDGKSDGKSOGNSDMSSMGGDUFYEFY!

DK went loony and ripped his tie off and jumped off Glitzville with the champion's belt thinking he'll survive that big of a fall. Maybe he'll live. I don't fucking know.

Yoshi: Aight. So real talk for a sec. Why you hidin' the fake star from us?

Grubba: What?... What ever do you mean!? HAHAHAHAH! That monkey ran off with my belt and all mah fighters are down for the count!

Koops: Not sure what that last part has to do with anything.

Yoshi: Spit it out bitch! We know that's 1 on the belt was a decoy, so hand it bitch!

Grubba: Fine…. very well…. You leave me no choice.

Grubba stuck his finger down his throat, and bulimicly puked out a remote with a big red button.

Grubba: YOU THINK I CALL THIS DOJO THE GLORY HOLE CAUSE I THOUGHT IT'D BE FUNNY!? BEHOLD!

Grubba pressed the button causing the robotic audiance to blow up and 9 of the tiles he was under and around him to elevate downwards.

A Giant penis shaped machine that oddly resembled a Mario Kart Gold Cup Trophy arose through the actual gigantic Glory Hole on the stage containing the real Star of **Greed** hovering above it.

Koops: LOOKY! It's the star!

Grubba: I don't suppose this was the star yallz were lookin for this whole time was it? I found this star 1 day from brutally raping a jewish leprechaun! Uhhh... A FEMALE 1! YEAH! I raped him... her so hard, that I stole the pot of gold with the Star of **Greed** in it. And I got all that gold which got me the moolah I needed to create Glitzville!

Grubba: Look, I have no time for my own squabbling. Check this dodadday out! INITIATE! HRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! MUUUUUUUUUUUUUSCLE-UP!

Grubba started flexing in a way where he looked like he was severely constipated some how causing the machine with the **Greed** Star in it to activate its power and caused Grubba to grow 10 times his normal size while being super buff as fuck. He turned Orange, and grew Super Saiyan hair despite the hair not making him any stronger. He became, Macho Man Grubba Savage! Too soon? Welp. Everything on his body grew. Except for his penis. Which... actually shrunk from the steroid like procedure.

Yoshi: DAYAMN! DAT GRUBBA FUCKA GOT ALL BIG ASS BIG ALL DA SUDDEN!

Macho Man Grubba Savage: I AM PUMPED UP WITH ALL KINDS OF UNHEALTHY POWER! CHECK IT! I USE THIS STAR TO KEEP MY FINE OL' BOD' YOUNG AND PHRESH! SO PHRESH, I CAN DESTROY YOUR ASS WITH SOME SMOOOOOOOOOOTH SLAM ATTACKS!

Koops: Keep your fine ol' bod young? I don't get it.

Flurrie: I do... Talk about some majical cosmetics I do say so myself.

Macho Man Grubba Savage: WITH TEAM M'S ENERGY, I'LL BE STRONGER THAN GOD! I'LL BECOME SO STRONG, THAT NOT EVEN THE WORLD'S MILITARY FORCES CAN TAKE ME ON. I'LL BE AN UNSTOPPABLE RULER ON THIS POST APOCALYPTIC PLANET DRIVEN BY ME. AND I WILL BE ALL POWERFUL AS HUMANITY FALLS TO THEIR KNEES OVER MY FINE ASS! AS EACH DAY COMMENCES, I WILL GROW STRONGER AND STRONGER! EVENTUALLY, I WILL BE SO BIG AND STRONG, THAT I WILL...UHH…... PUNCH, PLANET EARTH! HYUK HYUK HYUK HYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKKKKKKKKKK!

Mario: So... basically, you're just hell bent on being power hungry I take it? Meh. I've heard less retarded evil plans...

Macho Grubba: STOP BELITTLING MY PLANS FOR WORLD DOMINATION!

**[THE REAL BOSS BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 90

Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 68

Flurrie: Power Level 38

Yoshi: Power Level 30

FP: 10

V.S.

Battle Music: _The Toxic Waltz by Exodus_

Macho Man Grubba Savage: Power Level 180

[TURN 1]

Macho Man Grubba Savage: MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACHO MAN GRUBBA SAVAGE!

Mario: That's ... that's not really gonna be your new name, is it?

Macho Man Grubba Savage: READ THE DAMN STORY! YOU SEE MY NAME ON THE LEFT OF THE COLONS RIGHT!?

Mario face palmed.

Mario: *sigh* I don't think you don't realize how hard it was to block that out of my mind before you said that. Let's just start this already. GOOMBELLA!

Goombella uses tattle: This is Macho... I can't believe he renamed himself to that... Uhh yeah... Hes got a power level of 180. What's weird, is that this boss has no defense, but has an attack power of 4 and HP of 60! And he has a buttload of moves kind of like Rawk Hawk only with 2ice the power level. So... look out.

Mario starts off this turn with a metal hammer smash on Grubba's foot: [4 Damage]

Macho Man Grubba Savage: OWW! I got a move of my own! Its called... CHEATING!

Macho Man Grubba Savage boosted an ability to do 2 attacks in 1 move.

Goombella: So... he can boost his attacks? Shit. The book never said anything about that.

Macho Man Grubba Savage: NOW WE EACH HAVE 2 MOVES PER TURN!

[TURN 2]

Goombella uses the charge attack for the 1st time boosting her power level to 85.

Mario drank Hawaiian Power Punch to boost his shit up to 120.

Macho Man Grubba Savage: HYUK! NOW YALL ARE COPYING ME!? HYUK HYUK HYUK! WATCH THIS. JUST A FAIR WARNING! BACK IN THE DAY, I HAD SO MANY ASS-FUCKING MOVES, THAT SOME OF EM HAD TO BE MADE ILLEGAL,

Goombella: You mean like the 2 turns bullshit power up?

Macho Man Grubba Savage: WITNESS A POWER LIKE THIS!

Grubba did a dance where he boosted up his attack power with an xtra 3 boosting his power level to 252/270.

Macho Man Grubba Savage ran back and punched Goombella in the face: [7 Damage]

Macho Man Grubba Savage: I LOVE HITTING WOMEN! YIKKI! I'M MAAAACHO MAN GRUBBA SAVAGE! YOU WON'T BEAT ME! CAUSE I'M THE REAL CHAMP AMONG ANY FIGHTER YOU'VE EVER FACED! YOU PESTERING PIECES OF PRICK PUBES! I'M ROUGH, TOUGH, AND HOTTER THAN HILLARY DUFF! JUST LOOK AT ME!

Goombella: Oww... my face. This guy talks way too much...

Macho Man Grubba Savage: WHO NEEDS A PENIS WHEN I GOT BIG MUSCLES!

[TURN 3]

Goombella uses her awesome multibonk attack dealing a great deal of [18 Damage]

Macho Man Grubba Savage: HOW'D I GET THAT KIND OF BEATING FROM A TINY GOOMBA BITCH!?

Mario: Cause your a fucking retard!

Mario does the same as Goombella and power bounced the Macho Mistake of a character: [17 Damage]

Mario: Just so you know, you look like the fat steroid abusing pissed off twin brother of Jar Jar Binks that got outshined by him. The ugly sight of you gives me a reason to fear ass cancer!

Macho Man Grubba Savage: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR... MAYBE I DID UNDERESTIMATE YOUR MOVES! WELP, JUST TO MAKE SURE THIS DONE HERE DON'T HAPPEN AGAIN, IMMA GET ALL ELECTRIC NOW!

Macho Man Grubba Savage statically electrified his skin making him untouchable for 3 turns!

Macho Man Grubba Savage: TRY TOUCHING ME NOW BITCHES! IT'LL BE LIKE A MOTH ON 1 OF EM ZAPPING LIGHTS! OH YEAH! I ALMOST FORGOT!

Macho Man Grubba Savage grew 2ice his own size as he boosted his defense by 3. Also boosting his power level by 293/675

[TURN 4]

Goombella: Welp... I hate to say this, but I think I've done all that I can. Koops! You in!

Koops: Oh boy! I'm gonna do him 1 good.

Goombella: Let's hope so.

Goombella tapped out and switched with Koops.

Mario uses a smash on Grubba's stomach doing a lame amount of: [1 Damage]

Macho Man Grubba Savage: DON'T BE SO SURE THAT YOU HAVE ME IN A LOOP! CAUSE I GOT THIS ALL UNDER CONTROL! CHECK THIS OUT!

Macho Man Grubba Savage did a surprise jump move on Koops: [6 Damage]

Macho Man Super Asshole did another jump attack on Koops briefly sitting on him putting him in a big ass danger mode [7 Damage]. This dented his shell in pressing on his lungs.

Koops: AAAHAHHHHH! I CANT GET UP! I CANT *Coughs blood* GET UP!

Mario: DAMNIT! NOT AGAIN!

Macho Man Grubba Savage: I HOPE YOU REALIZE! I'VE WATCHED ALL 23 OF YOUR FIGHTS! I KNOW ALL YOUR WEAKNESSES! WHATS A MATTER? WANNA LEAVE NOW!? WELL HA! THE DOORS LOCK AUTOMATICALLY WHEN I ACTIVATE THE MACHINE! SO YOU ARE S.O.L.. IF YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

[TURN 5]

Mario: Shit... This guy is cutting through my team mates like no problem. I can't keep letting this shit go on.

Koops: SHUCKS MARIO! I DIDN'T EVEN GET A CHANCE TO ATTACK HIM! IM SORRY IM SO FUCKING LAME!

Mario: Yes Koops. Yes you clearly are. Flurrie! Get your gross ass out of here!

Flurrie! My my! Looks like I'm up.

Mario switches out Koops for Flurrie.

Mario: Don't get too excited. Feed me more Hawaiian Punch so we don't die!

Flurrie: Yessir!

Flurrie uses Hawaiian Power Punch on Mario to increase his strength back to 120.

Mario: I hope you have a way to counter this power up Grubba.

Macho Man Grubba Savage: OH I DO! BUT I GOTTA REBOOT MY 2 TURN TAKING PERFECT ASS SO I CAN BLAST YOU SOME!

Macho Man Grubba Savage re-amped his 2x turn move.

Macho Man Grubba Savage: OWW! MY HEART! OWW!

Macho Man Grubba Savage started rolling around all over the place in agonizing pain as he started having a heart attack!

Macho Man Grubba Savage: OWW! *COUGHS BLOOD* OOOOO! THIS CAN'T ….. BE!

Mario: HAHA! LOOK EVERY1! GRUBBA'S HAVING A HEART ATTACK! WE'LL WIN THIS FOR SURE NOW!

Macho Man Grubba Savage: OH *COUGH* WAIT A SEC! I JUST REALIZED! THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM!

Mario: Pfft... Dont you think you've been bullshitting us enough today?

Macho Man Grubba Savage: WELL… WITH THIS FORM, I NO LONGER NEED A HEART IN ORDER TO SURVIVE! WITNESS THE EVER LASTING POWER OF CHOMPOOOOOOOOOOOOO GRUBBAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Macho Man Grubba Savage did another constipation vibration thing while having a drug induced heart attack where the entire Glitzville started shaking.

Mario: No... fucking... way...

Macho Man Grubba Savage: YES YEEEEEEESSSSSSS! COME TO ME STONE CHAIN CHOMP! BE 1 WITH ME!?

Goombella: NO WAY! IS HE SERIOUS!?

Koops; HE'S NOT TALKING ABOUT THE CHAIN CHOMP ON THE FRONT OF THE DOJO IS H-

Battle Music: _Blacklist by Exodus_

The Giant Stone Chain Chomp crashed and majically fused with Grubba turning him into; CHOMPO GRUBBA! His skin turned black and made of stone. His face took the form of a chain chomp and it looked fucking terrifying. His defense got boosted to 10 putting him at a power level of 360/1080. The other power ups minus the 2 turns move became dismissed.

Yoshi: DAMN! THAT SHITS FRIGHTENING!

Flurrie: What a sheer display of becoming 1 with a funny object that you indeed possess...

Chompo Grubba: HYUK HYUK HYUK! IM FUSED WITH THE CHAIN CHOMP THAT WAS IN FRONT OF MY DOJO! NOW YOU TRULY DON'T STAND A LICK OF A CHANCE!

Mario: How?

[TURN 6]

Flurrie: Mmmm... Maybe we can use more FP then...

Flurrie uses the item swap on the super shroom turning it into super vadgelly.

Mario chugged that Super Vadgelly Syrup regenerating all that FP back to normal.

Chompo Grubba boosts his attack with an xtra 3 again and chomped Flurrie: [7 Damage]

Flurrie: Please... I can bite better than that any time, anywhere!

[TURN 7]

Chompo Grubba: YOU HAVE NO CHANCE OF PENETRATING THROUGH MY ARMOR LIKE BODY NOW!

Mario raised up the Star of **Wrath**.

Mario: Now to use my power of HOW MUCH YOU PISS ME OFF YOU FAT REDNECK GROSS SOUNDING ASSHOLE!

The star did it's usual thing, and grew big as hell. All of the partner's got on it for dramatic effect, and to not experience the attack. But Chompo Grubba sure did: [6 Damage]

Chompo Grubba: OWW! THAT... ACTUALLY STUNG! WELP, YOU GOT NO CHANCE AGAINST THE LIKES OF ME! YOU CAN ONLY USE THAT 1CE PER BATTLE SO LOOKS LIKE YOUR SHIT OUT OF LUCK! AGAIN!

Flurrie: ... Hmmmm... It appears that I am indeed stumped on how I can combat this disfigured beast... I'm afraid that I'm out. Yoshi. Now it's your turn.

Yoshi: Sheeeeeeeeeeit! Finally!

Flurrie traded spaces with Yoshi.

Chompo Grubba: REMEMBER! THE MATCHES AREN'T OVER UNTIL I SAY SO! YOU KNOW THAT FROM ALL THEM MATCHES YOU DON' HERE FACED WITH ME AS THE REF! AND LUCK WILL ALWAYS SHINE ON CHOMPO GRUBBA!

Chompo Grubba boosted his attack by 3 raising his attack up to 10. Power Level: 504/2160

Mario: I can't wait to get my hands on that star!

Chompo Grubba: NO YOU DON'T!

Chompo Grubba did a backflip that savagely landed on Yoshi full force. He had enough strength to block it but even that wasn't enough: [9 Damage]

Yoshi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Goombella; YOSHI!

[TURN 8]

Yoshi: Uggg... *coughs a little blood* I cant... Uhh... Im think im... im ... pretty much ded… Ugg... Sorry. Great G. It's... up to yooo...do it fo... do it for the nigg...as...

Yoshi passed out on the floor with his tongue out.

Koops: Is he...?

Goombella: Yoshi... no...

Flurrie: Poor Yoshi... He was just born today too...

Chompo Grubba: HYUK HYUK HYUK! NOW YOUR PARTNERS ARE STRAIGHT UP DED! YOU HAVE NO CHANCE OF WINNING THIS NOW! GO AHEAD! TRY SWITCHING YOUR PARTNERS OUT! YOU'LL WASTE A TURN DOING IT! AND I'LL ONLY KILL THEM TOO!

Mario: Damn you…. No 1 fucks with Team M and lives to TELL ABOUT IT!

Mario charges his attack up by 2 increasing his power level to 150.

Chompo Grubba: SO... HYUK HYUK... YOU'RE PLAYING THE POWER UP GAME A 2ND TIME!? HAVEN'T YOU LEARNED ANYTHING!? I CAN BOOST MY ATTACK 2ICE IS FAST AS YOU CAN! JUST WATCH!

Chomp Grubba 1ce more boosted up his attack by another 3. Power level 630/2700

Chompo Grubba bit Mario almost cutting him in half. Luckily he was too pissed off to die: [13 Damage]

[TURN 9]

Goombella: This guy is ridiculously powerful! Do something! Anything!

Mario charged up again boosting his power level up to 102/180

Goombella: NOO! Mario! That was a weak strategy!

Mario: I DON'T CARE!

Chompo Grubba: THIS IS GETTING PATHETIC FAST! ALTHOUGH I DO HAVE TO ADMIT! YOU ARE POWERING UP ENOUGH TO DO ANOTHER HIT OF DAMAGE ON ME YET AGAIN!

Chompo Grubba powered up his defense up to 13: Power Level 788/3375

Chompo Grubba: THERE WE GO! IM UNSTOPPABLE NOW! AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, THESE CHARGE UPS DON'T GO AWAY! IN OTHER WORDS, THEY'RE SET IN STONE! GET IT!? HYUK HYUK HYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUK!

Chompo Grubba: YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M JUST GONNA TOY WITH YOU SINCE YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH DED MEAT ALREADY! EAT THIS!

Chompo Grubba decked Mario hard in the face creating the most dedly punch any1 has ever faced in this series so far: [13 Damage]

[TURN 10]

The Bloody leader got back up on his feet.

Mario: Hehehehe.. PERFECT!

Mario pulled out his hammer which turned blue, sharp, and crystal like, and immediately dug it right through Grubba's heart area with a surprise piercing blow: [12 Damage]

Chompo Grubba: WH... WHAT THE...

Mario: YOU FORGOT ABOUT MY PIERCING BLOW BITCH!

Chompo Grubba: HYUK HYUK! WELL…. LIKE IT OR NOT, YOU JUST WASTED YOUR LAST MOVE! AND I'M STILL STANDING! WHO NEEDS A HEART WHEN YOU GOT BIG! ASS! MUSCLES!

Mario: NOW YOSHI!

Yoshi quickly got up and did a gulp attack on Chompo Grubba and spat him out on the floor unable to move: [5 Damage]

Yoshi: PSYCH BITCH!

Grubba reverted back to his original form.

Grubba: THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!?

**[END OF THE REAL BOSS BATTLE MODE]**

Grubba: This... wasn't supposed to end like this... I wanted to get stronger... and this is the thanks I get..?... Shame...

the heavily wounded black eyed Mario walked up to Grubba, and stepped on his chest causing him to cough up blood and some of his guts.

Mario: Had enough?

Grubba: May God... have mercy on your soul!

Mario: God? *spits blood out* God died the day I came out of my mother's cunt.

Mario stomped through Grubba's chest flattening his heart flat and killing him in that intense sort of way.

Mario: Well that's finally over with. Good thing Yoshi had that plan.

Goombella: Wait, you mean that thing where he got back up? When the hell did you have that plan established!?

Mario: I kind of figured. I mean, Yoshi does have 10 HP after all. And Grubba took out 9 so it was kind of obvious.

Koops: GUYS! LOOK! I took a look at the Yoshi egg shells! There's a bag of weed inside

Goombella: AWESOME!

Flurrie: I feel ravished!

Mario: SWEET! NOW WE HAVE THE WEED AND THE 3rd STAR!

Yoshi: HELL YEAH! NOW I KNOW WHAT WE DOIN TONIGHT! SMOKIN OUR ASSES OFF YO!

Team M: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

_Closing theme: Intro To Finale And Closing (2nd half) by Bruce Faulconer_

With somewhat of help from Donkey Kong, they were able to capture the 3rd Dedly Star! Grubba is ded, and he will never harm, drain energy, nor be annoying ever again. Cuz he ded What other adventures awaits up? And what else are the X-Naut's up to? Find out on the next exciting issue! As we BREAK ON THROUGH TO THE NEXT EXCITING CHAPTURE OF SUPER MARIO! AND THE A THOUSAND YEAR! DRAMAAAAAAAAA!

\- To be continued

Credits:

Credits music playing: _Wasted by the Circle Jerks._

Creator: IAMMASTER

No vibes were harmed in the making of this.

Based on a True Game


	5. Chapture 5: For Whom the Hell Trolls?

Disclaimers:

This is a parody of Paper Mario and the Thousand Year Door. All characters and various other royalties of Paper Mario are all reserved to Nintendo and Intelligent System as this is for parody use only.

This is an entirely separate universe from the original Paper Mario universe, so expect many inconsistencies made on purpose for comedic effect.

This story contains offensive content such as racist jokes, sexual content, sexism, drug use, a fuckload of violence, and a lot of other offensive shit that we can make jokes about. If you don't like offensive humor then I recommend not reading this but if you still decide to then please leave a comment about how offended you are, I'll get a kick out of it.

If you loved this game as a child and wish to preserve it as pure and full of childhood wonder in your mind then we recommend not reading this because it will fuck you up.

This parody is rated M for ENJOY!

**Super Mario and the**

**Thousand Year Drama!**

**(Kai Version)**

**Chapture 5: For Whom the Hell Trolls?**

_Anticipation Music: Dragonball z American soundtrack - the saga continues by Bruce Faulconer_

Last time! On Super Mario and the Thousand Year Drama! Mario and the rest of the Team M received a new location to the next star on an artificial Babylon like Fighting Dojo named 'The Glory Hole' where the star was being used as the ornament for the champion belt. They soon awaited the Dojo in the sky where Mario and his friends oddly enough barged on stage for the Star of **Greed**. Though the host, Grubba had other plans in store for the tardtastic team, they'ed triumphant and scavenged the 3rd Dedly Star. Read and find out what idiotic retarded adventures awaits for these goons this episode of SUPER MARIO! AND THE THOUSAND YEAR! DRAMA!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!

**Chapture 5 - 1: Compensation Disorder**

**[X-Naut Fortress] **

Grodus: Beldam Beldam Beldam... Tell me, why have you not wiped out Team M off the face of existence yet!?

Marilyn was gnawing on her own arm like a bone.

Beldam: … We... haven't b-b-b-b-b-b-b-been able to track where Mario or his t-t-t-t-t-team have been since Boggly Woods. I've had to spend the bulk of today punishing my pathetic siblings! Give us 1 more chance. I have a plan that has an 100% chance of sheer su-su-su-su-su-su-success.

Vivian: ...

Grodus: Hmm... A plan you say?

**Chapture 5 - 4: A Glitzville Goodbye!**

Just a reminder, 5 - 2 and 3 are in the uncut version if you ding dongs wanna read about the Peach and Bowser stories. You know the drill.

**[Ghettoport Sewers]**

After a few repetitive obstacles that they've been through time and time again, they made it to the front of the 1000 Year Door. Reading the name "1000 Year Door" feels alot smaller now knowing it's not the title of this story unlike the game it's directly based off of.

Yoshi: Damn Mario! I can't believe you be crazy enough to jump off dat Glitzville place! You crazy!

Mario: I wanted to test it!

Goombella: You could have died!

Mario: Welp, doesn't matter cause I unfortunately landed on Flurrie.

Flurrie: It was most extravagant I do say… Does any1 want an orgy?

Goombella: Stop it Flurrie.

Koops: Yeah! Stop it Flurrie!

Mario: Shut up Koops.

Yoshi: So how we doin this star shit!?

Goombella: It's quite simple really. Mario does this thing where he raises up the map in the middle of the shrine, and we place the 3 stars we have into their designated locations.

Yoshi: Aight. Wasn't asking you, but aight.

Mario began the dumb boring ritual and The Stars of **Wrath, Envy, and Greed** were put in their proper places of the shrines. As you know, blu rays shined like fuck out of the boob looking shrine and the map started levitating and burning a new detailed location onto the map. On the west side of the map for 1ce above the map's compass was burning an image of an oddly curved blue steeple that looks like it was designed by some whacky architect from Chicago.

Goombella: Hmm... It looks like this star is gonna be in some weird orange haunted level.

Koops: Oh geez luiezz. I was hoping we wouldn't wind up in 1 of those places. I have ghost phobia.

Yoshi: Shut up and stop being a pussy ass bitch for 1ce!

Flurrie: MMMmmmm I sure hope I get possessed by a ghost that forces Flurrie into unholy arousing acts she would do either way…

Goombella: Remind me why you're allowed to talk again?

Mario: Alright. We got a new location. Now let's go see Frankly before I get bored and piss on all of you!

**Chapture 5 - 5: The Usual Chapture [Number] - 5 stuff.**

**[Frankly's House]**

Frankly: Hmm... Let's see now... Oh my Washington's Washboard! So who's familiar with the name, Twilight Town!?

Goombella: What?

Koops: Who?

Flurrie: Hmmm...

Yoshi: I don't know shit.

Mario: You better not be talking about the town Twilight took place in.

Goombella: That's all the way in Washington state, Mario.

Mario: Why the fuck do you even know that?

Goombella: What? I wanted to see Twilight to see how bad it was as a joke. Every1 knows that the books were way better!

Frankly: Retards! Twilight Town is the town of the area where the next star is located! A.K.A., the Twilight Zone! Not to be confuzzled with the show 'Twilight Zone' from the 60s. I'm gonna be honest for just a second here, I have no fucking idea what this place is all about. All I know is that that place is a little... wierd. Like, eerie and trippy. But not like the good kind of trippy, or the Boggly Woods kind. More like, a darker more weirder level of trippy that most of you might not be used to. But what do I know? All of my knowledge about it, is that it sounds and looks like a haunted level. So expect that!

Goombella: Wait... so why did you sound so excited over finding that out just now?

Frankly: I don't know. I'm old, stupid! But yeah. There's a warp pipe that will take you there in a quick 8 hours on the west side of the Ghettoport Sewers!

Goombella: Your continuity of not knowing much about this place is a little suspicious.

Frankly: I don't care! Now all of you! Get the fuck out of my office lab trap house because I will rape you all in the mouth! I have to go back to finding young sluts to masterbate to on Omegle!

**Chapture 5 - 6: Ass Tatts**

**[Ghettoport Sewers]**

Team M as almost usual re-entered the slimy sewers of the Ghetto where Mario greased himself and his team through the vent again. Of course you know, most people aren't retarded enough to go down there. Yoshi: So where you think we go down in here?

Goombella: Well there's a creepy wooden door by us we've never been to before. Let's try that.

Mario: Let do it!

They opened the door and spotted a small room with an ominus brown rustybrick warp pipe that looks like it's seen better days.

Yoshi: Look guys! I found dat warp pipe we was lookin' for!

Team M hopped in the warp pipe 1 at a time. You think this would start the new chapture, but guess again, they ALL got spat out! and slammed into the wall.

Koops: Aww shucks. What in the world just happened?

Mario: WHAT THE FUCK!? NO, WHAT THE GARGLING FUCK!? WE WERE SO CLOSE! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Mario kept entering the pipe and in response, it kept spitting him out!

Mario: IS THEIR AN AIR VENT IN THIS THING PUSHING ME UP!?

Goombella: … I say we go talk to Frankly to see if he has any word about this.

**[Frankly's Crib]**

Frankly: OH COME ON! WHAT IN FREYA'S FUCK HOLE ARE YOU 5 DOING BACK HERE SO EARLY!? SO HELP ME GOD YOU BETTER TELL ME YOU ALREADY FOUND THE 4TH STAR! CAUSE THAT WOULD BE, THE ONLY REASON, WHY YOU 5 IDIOTS WOULD BARGE INTO MY HOUSE WHILE I'M PULLING MY PORK TO CANDY CRUSH!

Goombella: Yeah... well get this…*ahem*... You see…..the... the pipe.

Mario: Doesn't fucking work.

Goombella: Doesn't fucking work... What he said.

Frankly: ... GOD DAMNIT! Well, what am I supposed to do about it!?

Goombella: I don't know! Use your fucking books about this place!

Frankly: Welp, I don't have shit that covers Twatlight Town's weirdness and what not, BUT! I Do have a much lazier solution for our problems. You see, I made acquaintances with a stranger who lives in that fucking town!

Flurrie: Do tell...

Frankly: Well... he's pretty chill... Pretty off though... He's been dealing me some pretty good opium, and stitched up sex organs! He's a sackboy who lives behind my house! His name is Darkly. Now, don't judge me for wanting to... you know, De-Rail sex organs. That's Frankly's business. When you're 67 years old kids, you're mind starts to wonder off into deeeeep parts of your subconscious sex drive! And when you do alooooot of drugs, you learn alot about yourself!

Mario: Oh cool! He should be easy to find then!

Frankly: Very good, AND IF YOU GUY'S COME BACK A 3RD TIME THIS CHAPTURE, THERE IS GOING TO BE MORE HELL TO PAY THAN THE LEAD SINGER OF CREED'S DOWNWARD MUSIC CAREER. GOT THAT!?

**[Back Alley Ghettoport]**

As planned, Mario and his strange friends ran into the even stranger character; Darkly. Who was sucking the fat out of a sevvard butt cheek with a silly straw.

Darkly: Why hellllohhoohoohooohohooooooo... What can Darkly do you for.

Mario: Yeah, so how do we go back to Twilight Town?

Darkly: …...Mmmmm... Darkly get's the sheer feeling that you must have tried entering….. the cursed warp pipe and got spat out a bunch...

Yoshi: Yei, we know! Now tell our asses somethin we don't know before we surgically stitch yo ass to your mouth bitch.

Darkly: Well... You're all in luck because that process is ever so simple! You see, the way around the warp pipe's curse, is to have your name tattooed somewhere... on your body.

Goombella: ... whAt?

Darkly: Darkly said you need a tattoo with your own name on it in order to pass through the warp pipe to Twilight Town so it knows you're not a bot... What? Doesn't every1 have a tattoo with their name on them? How else are you supposed remember your own name?

Flurrie: A tattoo with my name on it!? Why haven't I thought of such sheer brilliance?

Koops: But... won't getting a tattoo with our names on us only make us seem arrogant?

Darkly: Do you want to enter the pipe or not?

Goombella: Wait, you're not a tattoo guy, are you?

Darkly: Darkly sure is. Darkly be the only 1 in the region who is, so Darkly is all you have.

Mario: Alright then. Every1! looks like we're getting tatted!

Darkly: Just a few more condition's I have to warn you all about before I partake in this pppprocedure... . 1st, For this tattoo job, Darkly only has this pin in his hand used for sewing organs, and Darkly isn't 100% sure if it's rusty or not. 2nd, from what you can tell by the title of this sub-chapture, I only do ass tattoos. So brace for that.

Goombella: EWW NO! Can't you just do it on my side!?

Darkly: No. Dark is the only tattoo parlor in the entire region, and he only inks butts... So take it or leave it...

Yoshi: Ah he'll yeah! I'm gettin an ass tattoo right now, nigga! I'm going 1st!

Yoshi pulled down his speedo thing and hopped on the table resting on his stomach.

Yoshi: This ain't gonna hurt is it?

**[Ghettoport Sewers Again]**

Now that they figured out how the fuck to enter that fucking pipe, they can now 'you know what' into it now!

Mario: Okay. If this doesn't work, I'm gonna start a 2nd even funnier holocaust. It will be so funny, when Hollywood makes a movie out of it, they'll have me played by Mel Gibson.

Goombella: You have a concerning imagination.

Yoshi: Yei. let's go to dat ghost so I can cap some ghost ass already!

Koops: My butt hurts.

Flurrie: Mine hurts with sheer joy.

Mario: Yes indeed. OFF TO TWATLIGHT TOWN!

**Chapture 5 - 7, 11, and 13: Hand me the Inferiority Zone (it makes more sense when you know the chaptures from the uncut version)**

**[Twilight Town]**

And so, the 3 Shadow Sirens emerged from the ground up in the middle of the town to discuss business of how to do away with Team M 1ce and for all!

Beldam: Mwee hee hee hee hee... Yehe-he-he-he-he-he-he-hessssssss-s-s-s-sssss... This time we'll surely be the end of the line for that wretched T-t-t-t-t-t-team M now won't we? With our n-n-n-n-n-n-newest invention built by the X-Naut sc-sc-sc-sc-sc-scientists, there's no way in Greek Mythology we can f-f-f-f-f-fail now!

Beldam jabbed her finger in Vivian's face.

Beldam: Vivian! Hand me that glorious SuperBongBong I gave to you!

Marilyn was trying to eat 1 of the town's people.

Vivian: What? SuperBongBong? ... Uhh... I hate asking this, but what's that again?

Beldam pulled Vivian's hair with her grimey heroin teeth.

Vivian: OWW!

Beldam: DON'T YOU DARE PLAY DUMB WITH ME YOU STUPID HARLETTBITCH!

Vivian: No really! I honestly have no idea what you mean!

Beldam: So that would mean you are confirming that you WEREN'T PAYING ATTENTION TO THE PLAN YOU ADHDSLUT! F-f-f-fine... I'll reExplain it to you're stupid BOY ears.

Beldam: The SuperBongBong is a d-d-d-d-d-d-device that we are going to use to get really high before Team M arrives! We'll get higher than a n-n-n-n-nnormal bong could get us! We'll get a majical kind of high that will turn us into super powerful dedly blood thirsty steroid v-v-v-v-v-versions of ourselves that will slaughter those pesky fools!

Beldam smacked Vivian in the face is usual.

Beldam: YOU LOLLYCONNING WORM! HOW D-D-D-DARE YOU BACK TALK TO YOUR SUPERIOR!

Vivian: But sis… I didn't say anyth-

Beldam punched Vivian 2ice in the fucking face and kicked her on the ground with her tail leg thing causing Vivian to fall down.

Beldam: I AM NOT F-F-F-FCUCKING KIDDING AROUND, YOU AUTIST! YOU LIE, YOU TALK BACK TO ME, YOU DON'T EVEN LISTEN! MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE LET GRODUS KILL YOUR GOOD FOR NOTHING SHADOW ASS!

Vivian: Sniff... sis.

Beldam: YOU ARE NO SISTER OF MINE! You're a lousy abomination and an insult to this planet! I needed you for 1 THING! AND YOU F-F-F-F-F-F-F-FUCKED IT ALL UP BY LOSING OUR G-G-G-G-G-GLORIOUS SUPERBONGBONG!

Vivian: I swear! You never g-

Beldam picked Vivian up by her hair.

Beldam: I NEVER WHAT!? TOLD YOU ABOUT THE PLANS!? I NEVER GAVE YOU THE SUPERBONGBONG!? THAT'S A LOAD OF SHIT AND YOU KN-KN-KN-KNOW IT! JUST LIKE YOU, YOU FRACTION WITTED MORON!

Beldam tossed Vivian back on the ground.

After the unpleasant 8 hour warp pipe ride that ACTUALLY worked this time, the retarded team was shot out smack dab into the town of the Twilight Zone.

Mario: HA-FUCKING-ZA! WE MADE IT!

Beldam: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? THESE GUY'S AGAIN!?

Goombella: Hey wait a second! Aren't those creepy bitches the shadow sirens!? What are they doing here!?

Yoshi: Who they?

Goombella: Those shady characters are the shadow sirens. We fought them 2 chaptures ago, and it looks like they want a revenge battle!

Flurrie: A revenge battle? How dubious I do say…. *rubs nipples*

Koops: Oh geez! It's them!? Oh god… what do I do? I'm so nervous… THIS IS NOT MY DAY RIGHT NOW! I REPEAT! NOT MY DAY!

Mario smacked Koops in the face.

Koops: Thank you. I was really frikkin out for a sec.

Beldam: RRRrrr… VIVIAN! DID YOU SEE WHAT LOSING THE SUPER BONG BONG DID!? NOW WE HAVE TO RELY ON SOLY OUR FISTS!

Just like that Beldam punched Vivian in the face.

Vivian: OWW!

Beldam: SHUT UP WHORE!

[BATTLE MODE]

Mario: Power Level 90

Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 68

Flurrie: Power Level 88

Yoshi: Power Level 55

FP: 10

V.S.

Vivian: Power Level 38

Marilyn: Power Level 60

Beldam: Power Level 24

[TURN 1]

Beldam: I can't believe these guy's are back to distract us from finding Team M again! VIvian! If you weren't such a fucking disty cunt bucket with you're losing shit routine! We wouldn't be in these miss! *lights cigarette*

Vivian: Oh… I'm so sorry sis… I wish I could be a better sist-

Beldam interrupted her by burning her with a cigarette.

Vivian: OWW!

Beldam: If we lose! I'm killing you personally! I mean it! I don't give a shit if you're my sister! YOU'RE SCUM!

Vivian: sniff… Yes sis.

Koops: Oh man! This is so wrong! Mario, can I step in this time!? I actually wanna have a chance to beat up her sister! I'll give her the beating I wish I could have given my bitch mom!

Mario: … Fuck it. Knock yourself out!

Koops: How bout I knock her out!?

Mario: SHUT UP AND UNDERSTAND EXPRESSIONS!

Koops: Uhh… YESSIR!

Mario uses his quake hammer badge to attack all em' sirens by turning his hammer into purple colored stoned thus smashing the ground: [4 Damage All]

Koops: Alright time for my turn!

Koops hesitated and noticed that Vivian for in front of the field.

Koops: Oh… SHUCKS! Mario! What do I do!? Vivian in front of the other 2!

Mario: So?

Koops: Well… I wanna just attack Beldam! Not her! I mean, She's the 1 i'm trying to save!

Mario: Oh for fuck sakes. You forced me to get creative!

Mario shucked- I mean, chucked Koops at Beldam knocking out some of her teeth: [4 Damage]

Beldam: Oww!

Koops: Thanks Mario!

Mario don't mention it.

Beldam: That does it! SIRENS! ATTACK!

Vivian tried punching Mario in the face, which resulted in him elbowing her in the pressure point of her arm: [-1 Damage!]

Beldam: WHAT WAS THAT!?

Vivian: I'm sorry… Since they beat us up last time, I'm a little-

Beldam head butted VIvian. Do you want me to kill you right here, right now!?

Marilyn tried attacking Koops in which Koops countered Marilyn by scratching her in the face: [-1 Damage]

Marilyn: GUH!

Beldam: … AND YOU KEEP DISTRACTING ME, VIVIAN! THAT'S IT! Time to show all of you how to really do damage!

Beldam used a spell to poison Koops: [2 Damage]

Koops: Ugg…. My vision is…. BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG!

Vivian: Beldam! Now I think that's going a wii bit too far!

Beldam: YOU'RE GOING TOO FAR! WITH MY PATIENCE!

Beldam smacked Vivian in the face 1 more time.

Beldam: YOU MIGHT AS WELL KILL YOURSELF NOW BEFORE I SNAP AND DO IT FOR YOU!

Vivian: …

Vivian looked over at Koops puking and fainting on his puddle of puke. And Flurrie was licking him for some reason.

Vivian: …. I …. don't think I can do this anymore…

Beldam: I DO NOT TOLERATE YOU'RE LAZINESS!

Vivian: NO! You know what!?

Vivian has Joined Your Party!

Goombella: WHAT!? NO FUCKING WAY!

Mario: GOD DAMNIT! I DON'T WANT ANYMORE PARTNERS JOINING!

**[INITIATION MODE]**

Mario: God damnit. This isn't happening! She's not even a new character!

Vivian's Abilities: A Primer

Mario: Can some1 explain what the fuck "A Primer" means already?

Vivian can do all kinds of cool shit. Like punch enemies causing them to set on fire . She can also grab Mario into the her shadows under the ground in a non sexual way.

Vivian hugged Mario from the back and pulled him underground into a shadow puddle.

Mario : FUUUUUUUU-

This ability hides Mario and Vivian into a safe spot underground. Unfortunately, they can't teleport when she has Mario with her. They can only stay still in the same spot.

Mario : THAT ABILITY IS FUCKING CREEPY! YOU'RE CREEPY!

Vivian: Oh. Sorry. I'll give you more warning next time. hehe.

Goombella: Encase you all forgotten, WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING BATTLE MODE!

**[END OF INITIATION MODE]**

Beldam: WHAT THE FLYING FUCK!? YOU CAN'T SUDDENLY SWAP TEAMS LIKE THAT!

Vivian: Watch me, bitch!

Koops: Wait. Did she just curse just no- BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG! [1 Damage]

Vivian: See! Look at the stats!

Mario: Power Level 90

Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 68

Flurrie: Power Level 88

Yoshi: Power Level 55

Vivian: Power Level 30/45

FP: 7

V.S.

Marilyn: Power Level 60

Beldam: Power Level 24

Yoshi: THe hail? Did she just get stronger by joinin our asses? Must be dat Power Plus P badge.

Goombella: THAT'S NOT HOW BATTLE MODES WORK, BITCH!

Vivian: It's okey! I'm on your guys' side! I made up my mind! And I'm not looking back!

Koops: Okay! Just PLEASE SWITCH WITH ME THEN! IT'S UNBEARABLE BEING THIS SICK AND IN BATTLE!

Vivian: Yeah sure! The rest of you guy's take sure of Koopa person!

Vivian carries the nearly passed out Koops and passed him alot to Flurrie, who made Vivian puke in her mouth from the sight of her.

Flurrie started to shove Koops in her cleavage to be nice and safe.

Flurrie: Shh shh shh… I got you hunny… I got you…

Koops puked inside of her tits covering his face in his own puke and flurrie boobage… Poor Koops.

[TURN 2]

Mario uses an overly precisely timed power bounce move on Marilyn knockin her fat spooky ass the fuck out: [15 Damage]

Beldam: MARILYN! YOU BASTARDS! I'LL MAKE YOU ALL SUFFER A BRUTAL FATE! FROM THIS POINT ON, CONSEQUENCES, WILL NEVER, BE THE SAM-

Vivian used shade fist punching Beldam in the meth mouth knocking her the fuck out too: [4 Damage]

**[END OF BATTLE]**

After the embarrassing 2 turn defeat, the 2 shadow sirens emerged from the floor.

Mario: Ha! Dumb ass bitches!

Beldam: Rrrr! THIS ISN'T OVER YOU FOOLISH FUCKING RATSKALIUMS! WHEN WE FACE AGAIN AFTER WE FIND TEAM M, I'M GONNA TIE YOUR MOUTHS TO ALL OF YOUR ASSES INTO A CIRCLE! I CALL IT, HUMAN RINGWORM! LET'S GO MARILYN! AND LET THIS TRAITER WEEP WITH THESE RANDOM STRANGERS!

Marilyn: GUH!

Beldam disappeared while Marilyn grabbed a metal burger sculpture out of a Burger Joint and took off.

Vivian: Wow… I can't believe after 1000 years…. I'm finally free from my sisters… I never thought I would see the day.

Goombella: Good for you, slut face… NOW LEAVE!

Vivian: Wait! Our friend is still sick!

Goombella: YOU'RE NOT INCLUDED!

Flurrie: I'm trying to cure with with my mammogram region, but it seems to be unable to fix the poor guy…

Koops BLEEEEEERGED of Flurrie's fucking fat face.

Yoshi: I say we get our asses in a item store and ROB DAT SHIT!

Mario: Well yeah. No shit we're gonna rob a store for some Tonic Water… and many more.

Goombella: Well that's great and all, but where the hell do we go find an item store?

Vivian: There's an item store right over there!1

Vivian pointed to an item shop known as Twilight Sparkles.

Goombella: I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU, WHORE!

Team M entered the town shop; Twilight Sparkles buying himself a fuck load of items that

[Inventory: 1 Life Shrooms,1 Harry Potter Cloak, 1 Galactic Alien Zombie Dragon Vadgelly Juice, 1 Super Shrooms, 1 Ultra Shrooms, 1 Earth LSD, 1 Stop Time Watch, 1 Tonic Water, and 1 Lightning Bong]

Yoshi: Man, what happened to robbin dat store man. Why the hell you on this Team M shit, if you gonna discourage our asses from robbin shit Shadow bitch!?

Vivian: It's just that…. robbing the store just seemed a bit wrong in this context. That's all. Sorry.

Mario: Wait, when the hell did she know about us being Team M?

Koops: I think she acknowledged it 2 chaptures ago. By the way, thanks for the tonic water guys! Now I don't have kick any buckets amiright!?

Mario: Shut up Koops.

Goombella: Can we just leave and get the star already? The sooner we can finish this whole mission over with, the better.

Mario: Weren't you the bitch who was all hyped up about it in the first place?

Goombella: It's nicer when you're not on a team with other females that threaten your status as the hot 1!

Vivian: Did I… do something by joining the team?

Goombella: NO! FUCK OFF!

Mario: Alright retards! Time to follow the map to the steeple!

Flurrie: It is indeed a shame to not spend some time talking to these gorgeous town people!

Mario: Talking to town's people is a waste of time!

**Chapture 5 - 9: Haunting the Steeple**

**[Creepy Steeple]**

_[Captain's log. Stardate: May 23rd, 2004. It is 11:07 PM, night time and 64 Degrees F]_

After the long walk to the steeple with Mario, and his 5 strange friends at last, made to the front of the Creepy Steeple. And yes, the map turned out describing the shape of the steeple much better than it did Hooktail's castle. Google's even better at describing what I'm talking about cause unlike me, it comes with IMAGES!

Vivian: Hey Koopa person, remember in Boggly Woods when you stood up for me to my sisters?

Koops: Uhh…. *wipes sweat* I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND! I mean… aww shucks… Uhh… Oh yeah.. Thanks… My name is Koops by the way…. Also!

Goombella: Alright every1, shut the fuck up! We're here! The Creepy Steeple. I wonder if that was it's 1st original name!

Mario: I'm just bummed out about the forest not being as haunted as every1 made it out to be. It's fucking bullshit.

Vivian: I'm sorry… Maybe the next level will be more haunted.

Mario: Why the fuck are you apologizing?

The sound of running suddenly ran towards them.

Goombella: Guys! Do you hear something?

A sound of cheesy ghost boos began to haunt them all around the building, and through the walls.

Voice: bOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO BOOOOOOOOOoOOOoOOooOOOoooooooOoOOOOO1!

Koops: HOLY FUCKINGSGPSBIUSBGISDBSDIUFBSDIGOUSBSDIUFOSHFUSIOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Flurrie: Oh my… Finally. I've been waiting to get ravished by a possibly randy paranormal creature… Which reminds me. Vivian. I don't think I formally introduced myself yet…

Flurrie grabbed Vivian's cheeks and smooched her.

Vivian: BLEEEEEEEEEEERG! OH MY GOD! I'M SO SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO-

Flurrie: What did you think of that lovely lip lock?

Vivian: Uhh…. Oh gosh golly….. I uhh...don't wanna lie to you, but I also don't wanna hurt your feelings neither….but… I think you should take better care of your oral hygiene…. you know, for your sake… again… sorry…. I honestly wasn't trying to hurt your-

Goombella: Oh come on… SHUT UP, YOU HOLIER THAN THOU WANNABE, BITCH!

Mario: HEY MORONS! LET'S NOT FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKING GHOST IN FRONT OF US!

Goombella, Flurrie, and VIvian: Sorry…

Suddenly, and Atomic Boo emerged from the walls behind them.

Atomic Boo (Age 300 - 1000): Me he he he he heeee.e... Prepare to get spooked cause you 5 wanderers ain't gonna stand a ghost of a chance! Get it? MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Now let's bOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoss battle!

Yoshi: OH HAIL NAW!

Mario: Great. This guy is already doing damage to me. Brain damage.

**[MINI BOSS BATTLE MODE]**

Mario: Power Level 90

Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 54/68

Flurrie Power Level 88

Yoshi: Power Level 55

Vivian: Power Level 30/45

FP: 4/10

V.S.

Atomic Boo: Power Level: 120

_Battle Music: B.C - Year Zero by Ghost_

[TURN 1]

Atmoic Boo: I'm gouling to haunt you all down 1 by 1! And DIE! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!111111111

Goombella: *sigh*

Goombella uses tattle: This is an Atomic Boo. Despite it being made out of 200 boos, it has a power level of 120. It's attacks involve making out with us, sitting on us, or spitting ghosts at us! They all sound like perverted moves when you think about it, BUT THEY'RE NOT, FLURRIE!

Flurrie: OH YES THEY ARE!

Mario uses double jump on Atomic Boo doing a slight: [4 Damage]

A bunch of boos in his atomic body pussed out and left.

Atomic Boo: YOU HALLOWEINERS! Is that all you got? Feast your eyes and watch this!

Atomic Boo covered his eyes with his hands thinking it would actually make him invisible!

Atomic Boo: HAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAA! Now you can't see me! Cuz I vanished! You're all shriek out of luck now, you ghost busting hooligans!

Mario: ... Really? All 200 or how many there are of you left really think that you turned invisible by covering you're- Nevermind. I mean, Oh no... you got us... shiiiitttt...

Goombella: Does he think we're infants or something?

Mario: The fuck if I know...

[TURN 2]

Mario: You know what? Lets use the star we haven't used yet.

Mario held up the Star of **Greed**!

Yoshi: Finally!

Mario: And now to get greedy... Like what if I stole this entire steeple for myself and turn it into a porn hotel where I make errotica in. I can call it… HOTEL MARIO! Nintendo actually had that idea 1ce for their own business before they became a video game thing. Maybe if I took over Nintendo for myself, I can-

The star started glowing and levitated

Mario there we go!

Soon enough, a bingo looking hologram spawned with icons of powering up offense and defense.

Mario: Holy shit!? What's going on!? How do I work this thing!?

Vivian: Hmm… I know! Try using your mind to control it!

Koops: I was gonna say that!

Mario controlled the bingo thing with his Mario mind causing all of their attack power to power up by 2, and defense by 2. This makes Mario's power level increase by 240, and Goombella's by 170!

Mario: AHA! See that you bulging fuckwad of a Ghost!? You look like transparent Jack Nicholson preparing for a role as the boulder for the next Indiana Jones movie where he has to eat 10000 doughnuts to look like you! You're not scary nor are you at all a threat, you paranormal abomination of a creature-fuck!

Atomic Boo: YOU... DESCRIBED ME!? HOW CAN YOU EVEN SEE ME!? HOW GHASTLY!

Goombella used multi bonk on the fatass atomic boo doing an atomic ass blasting load of: [17 Damage]

Atomic Boo: OWW! YOU JEEPER-CREEPER!

At this point, more than half of the boos have up and left the atomic boo.

Atomic Boo: Alright, take this to your graves! I HAVE AN ULTIMATE BANSHEE BLAST ATTACK JUST BREWIN IN MY CAULDRON!

Mario: Enough of your shitty ghost/ halloween puns already!

Atomic Boo: DRAWN IN MY ECTOPLASM!

Flurrie: Oh my…. What a dubious turn on...

Atomic boo shot out 60 boos at Mario and Goombella only doing: [4 Damage Each]

Atomic Boo: 4... DAMAGE?! WHAT A SPI-RIP OFF!

Mario: HA! OUR OVERPOWERED POWER UPs made you look like a jackass just now!

Atomic Boo: YOU JACKOLANTERN! When I'm done with you, you'll all be bobbing for apples like a gay green phantom!

Mario: Is that even a threat!?

Atomic Boo: IT IS WHEN I SAY IT!

[TURN 3]

Goombella used a powered up double bonk on Atomic Boo: [10 Damage]

At this point, more than 3 quarters of the fat boo are gone.

Atomic Boo: I got a joke for you, Knock, knock.

Goombella: Who's there?

Atomic Boo: Boo.

Mario: Wait I sec. I know what happens after this, so I'll just skip to the critiques! Boooooooooo this joke SUCKS!

Atomic Boo: BUT I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO FINISH IT!

Mario: AND YOU NEVER WILL!

Mario uses an average double jump on the fatigued Boo leaving 0.6 of a regular sized boo to remain: [8 Damage]

Not so Atomic Boo: ... Fuck this gangar! I'm killing myself! See you all in Helloweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!

Not so Atomic boo ate himself inside out making him vanish into nothingness.

Mario: Couldn't saying "See you all in Hell" work just fine rather than referencing Helloween?

Mario leveled up to Level 12 boosting up his FP boosting up everything cuz why the fuck not.

Mario: We've needed to do that for awhile now.

**[END OF MINI BOSS BATTLE]**

Mario: HA! They we're even more retarded than I had realized! My fucking fuck that was easy!

Flurrie: Is was most ghastly I agree...

Mario: Don't you start with the ghost puns too!

Flurrie: Nonsense… I do have a fetish for ghost puns after all…

Goombella: YOU HAVE, EVERY FETISH!

Flurrie: That's right my glamorous Goombella. Wanna make out!?

Goombella: I'D RATHER DIE!

Yoshi: So wait a sec…. wazdat the main boss we was gonna fight? Cuz I ain't seein no new ass star comin' out of dat thang!

Mario: Yeah… no. I think we got 1 more comin after this. So brace yourselves.

Yoshi: Well lemme know when we see him so I can kick his ass!

Koops: We'll make that mean ol' dirtbag eat his underwear sideways!

Mario: Shut up Koops!

Vivian: *giggles*

Mario: … Don't encourage him.

Mario: Let's just head to the door now since we killed the boo I think.

And so, Team M made it past several unnecessary obstacles that are solely built for the inconvenience for guests, they soon enough, made it to the door and up some spooky spiraly stairs leading to a trampoline that will lead to the next boss. That felt alot quicker compared to our last chapture huh. Also, they found a fuckton o' badges on the way. Let's see…. **Hammer Throw, Defense Plus, Ice Smash, Tornado Jump, and Power Smash**. Talk about good badges huh?

Flurrie: That was inducibly the fastest journey to the boss' lair ever huh? With all of this time to finger around with, would any of you 5 like to orgy with the Flurrie before we fight this ghoulish ratscallion?

Mario: No, cause I honestly would not fuck any of you even if I had a loaded gun to my head. Well…. Vivian maybe… I think. If she's STD free.

Vivian: Uhh…. oh gosh...

Goombella: Gee... Thank's alot Mario...

Koops: Yei... gee... thanks Mario...

Flurrie: I like guns to the head. They make me all randyyyy!

Mario: Alright every1! We are all hopping on the trampoline at the same time for dramatic effect!

Flurrie: I got a better idea!

Flurrie sucked up all of Team M into her mouth like Kirby.

Mario: YOU FUCKING BITCH!

Goombella: WHY!?

Flurrie: LET'S SKEDADDLE!

Flurrie hopped on the trampoline into the room on the steeple with the boss inside. Wanna read all about it? Find out in Chapture 5 - 10: For THIS is who the hell Trolls!

**Chapture 5 - 10 &amp; 16: For THIS is Who the Hell Trolls V.S. Team M!**

1 second later prior from this Sub-Chapture, the consumed Team inside of the wretched Flurrie made it into the room of the creature who's been turning the town into a bunch of filthy swines. Finally.

In the meantime, FLurrie stuck her finger down her throat and puked out the team.

Mario: God damnit Flurrie! BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG! FUCK YOUR BREATH!

Mario Puked on Yoshi.

Yoshi: WATCH WHERE YOU PUKIN, BITCH!

Koops: Look guy's! It's a Crusty Blanket Monster!

Koops pointed to the monster that appears to be this thing with a white blanket used to hide his identity with 2 red demonic eyes sticking out. Imagine a troll creature wearing a cheaply made halloween looking ghost costume with a blue cheesey wizard hat with red stars and a blue ribbon that he bought from Party City.

? (Age 40): SUP FGTS! Wht r u retardz dooing interrupting my "ANIMATION/ MASTERBATION" time?

Yoshi: EEEEEEEEWWWWWWW! FUCK DAT SHIT MAN! SICK!

Goombella: AWW YOU GOTTA BE BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERG! KIDDING ME! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU MAKING!?

?: LOLZERZ! What's wrong brah? Uz btchs gotz prolbems with my C-reez 'Sonic Girls Farting'? I'm working on Episode 5 right now! I'm gonna get soo many SUBZ! Especially from the S.D.C. (Sonic Diapering Community!)

Mario: The fuck? ... Please don't tell me that's a real thing..

Vivian: Uhh… I've heard alot of languages, but i'm just curious… What language is that?

Koops: That's troll language!

Mario: Hey retard! Do you wanna hand over the star the hard easy way where we kick your ass, or the hard way where we kick your ass!

?: NEVERZ! I Needz it 2 tr0ll ppl with a air horn I use to turn pplz 2n pigz ironiclyz! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Goombella: Can you explain the irony in all that?

Mario: Soooooo... From what I can already gather from just meeting you, you're a fucking loser with no life who dwells in a steeple spending all of your time tr0lling and masterbating to shameful fart fetish porn. Well, before we fight, let Team M introduce ourselves!

Mario and each of the Team M members turned around and exposed their butts to the creepy loser troll with the retarded LOLOLOL laugh. They all mooned him in the order of joining the team. Keep in mind that they still have ass tattoos from Darkly on the left butt cheek.

Mario: MARIO!

Goombella: GOOMBELLA!

Koops: KOOPS!

Flurrie: Flurrie...

Yoshi: YOSHI, BITCH!

Vivian: Uhh… I still need my tattoo, but, VIVIAN!

?: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! THAT WAS LIEK, MAD UBR OVR 9000 GAY PNTZ! WHR DID U FGTz get those tatts from? A GAY BAR!? LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLZ0RS! Allow me to show you how I take care of FGTs!

The stupid ghost creature who wears his blanket to hide his true identity from being seen for troll reasons ran to his Giant Air Horn machine sticking out of his Steeple and pushed the button connected to the machine and turned Mario into a pig.

Air Horn: HRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

And NOW Mario's a pig.

Vivian: It can't be...

Goombella: MARIO!

Yoshi: OH HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL NAW!

Koops: Oh shucks...

Flurrie: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS! BEST ORGASM YET!

Goombella: Does that…. really make you…

Flurrie: Yes dearie…. Air Horns make FLurrie's think meaty vadgelly squirt!

Vivian: Uhhh…. Did I... hear that correctly?

Goombella: Shut up Vivian! Nobody likes you! And yes… you heard correctly.

Pig Mario was just standing there looking super pissed at the anonymous troll.

Goombella: Oh yeah… YOU… YOU SON OF A BITCH TROLL! HOW COULD YOU TURN OUR LEADER INTO A FUCKING PIG, YOU FUCKING MONSTER!?

?: L0L, U s0 mad brah! I hrd u liek mudkipz!

Pig Mario: THAT'S ENOUGH!

Suddenly, Mario's human hands started ripping out of his pig form's back as if the pig body became some kind of locus shell.

Goombella: HOLY FUCK!

Yoshi: DAYAMN!

Vivian: Oh thank goodness...

Koops: MARIO! YOU'RE ALIVE!

Flurrie was busy eating her bloody boogers.

?: NOz! Impossiblez! How... DID Uz COUNTERz MY SPELL!?

Mario: Have you all forgotten!? I already have a curse where I can sweat bacon grease! Making myself perpetually immune to the pig spell! So good luck turning me into a pig, you blister clit!

Goombella: As happy as I am that you can do that, how does that make ANY sense!?

Mario: It doesn't! Yet it still works anyway! SO DEAL WITH IT, CUNT!

Mario: As for YOU, fuck ass! By the time this fight is over, I will morbidly force fuck you with every ounce of blood and diarrhea in my body till it comes out your mouth and you die!

Yoshi: WHAT HE SAID!

Flurrie: Yummy…

?: GAY!

**[B0SS BATTLE MODEz]**

* Mario: Power Level 184

* Goombella: Power Level 65

Koops: Power Level 68

Flurrie Power Level 88

Yoshi: Power Level 55

Vivian: Power Level 45

FP:15

V.S.

?: Power OVER 9000! tbh, it's 120

Battle Music: Trololololol

Just Kidding.

_Battle Music:_ _Under Bergets Rot by Finntroll_

[TURN 1]

?: Dont b so sure u jerkops can beet mii! I bet u bozos don't even lift! As for ur WOP leader, u look like a gay fat old hybrid of Ron Jeremy and Chris Farley whose eaten and fucked too many donuts! U look gay, and jewish, and no 1 loves you! Where did u get your clothes frm? Teh Gay Pride convention?

Mario: You do "You look like a" comments too huh? Well you know what? You look like a psychotic fugly degenerate mental patient who doesn't even know how to put his own god damn straight jacket on right. You're parents we're probably too poor afford bath tub water to drown you in, so instead, they discarded you into a haunted forest after they found out how much of a pathetic ugly loser you are. You also probably hide under that semen blanket cause of your creme brulee looking acne problem you ugly holocaust oven burnt victim looking autist!

?: Uhhh... LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLLLLLLLLLLL!

Goombella uses tattle on Doo- I mean, ?. Sorry, I almost let his name most of you already know slip out.

Goombella: This is... Well... to be quite honest, I have a picture of his tattle, but it doesn't seem to come with his name at all. It's 8 question marks, so I assume his name has 8 letters. So I'll just call him Douglass. He looks like a Douglass or something like that. Okay. So this is Douglass. He has a power level of 120 with an HP level of 40. So he seems to have the exact same stats as Atomic Boo so he shouldn't be too hard to beat. Also, I should note that he can transform himself into looking just like us. I guess that's all there is to know so I don't think he'll be too much harmful than that. Especially in comparison to Chompo Grubba.

?: I CAN DO KNOW!?

Mario preformed a double jump with the 2nd jump being a ground pound on the troll with no known name just yet. Oh shit. Potential spoiler! Not really: [6 Damage]

?: LOLOLOLOLOL! Uz liekz 2 hit me wit your $$ U GAY $$! I haven't lolled so hard since I took an arrow 2 da kneez! Get it! Cuz Skyrim exists!? Okay, now watch THIS!

Air Horn: HRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Vivian: GOOMBELLA, NOOOO!

Flurrie: OH YES! OOOOOOH YES YES YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS! SO MUCH FLURRIE CUM EVERYWHERE!

The annoying internet troll pulled the lever- I mean, button turning Goombella into a pig.

Mario: DAMNIT!

?: LOLOLOLOLOL! NOW SHE'S PIGBELLA!

[TURN 2]

Mario: God damnit! Koops, you're up!

Koops: U GOTz IT!

Mario: Don't start doing that shit too!

Koops: Oh gosh… Sorryyyy…

Koops did an average shell slam to ? to do a good ol damage of: [4 Damage]

? did his usual cheap ass pig spell attack on Koops.

FLURRIE: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSUSUSUSUSUSUUSUSUSUSSSSSSSSSSS!

Vivian: STOP TURNING MY FRIENDS INTO PIGS, YOU BASTARD!

[TURN 3]

Mario: Useless dipfuck... FLURRIE! JOIN!

Flurrie: Yessir!

Mario traded in Flurrie.

Flurrie then attacked ? with a painful grand slam Denny's boob joke attack smacking his ever loving shit: [5 Damage]

?: L0Lz Timez 4 anotha 1 of u 2 turn N2 a GAYpig!

Mario: SHIT!

?: L0LZ! I IZ FTW!1

Mario: THAT WASN'T EVEN A REAL SENTENCE, RETARD!

[TURN 4]

Mario: Yoshi!

Yoshi: FUCK DAT SHIT! I AIN'T TURNIN INTO NO GODDAMN PIG!

Mario: DO IT! He'll probably turn you into a pig anyway despite if you're tagged in or not.

Yoshi: DAMN NIGGA! WHY YOU GOTTA BE GIVIN HIM IDEAS AND SHIT! AIGHT! FINE!

Yoshi used a 5x ground pound attack on the BR00TLELOLCOWXD: [6 Damage]

?: IMMA FIRIN MAH PIG SPELL!

?x8 turned Yoshi into a pig as well with the power of the air horn machine.

Mario: FUCK! Now I'm all out of useful partners!

Vivian: I'm still here!

Mario: Oh yeah. This timeline is a bit different then the normal game.

[TURN 5]

Mario traded in Vivian.

Vivian: Take this, you meanie!

Mario: Vivian… Don't call the enemy "meanie". It makes you sound dumb.

Vivian: Oh right…. mybad.

Vivian punched ? in the face and caught him somewhat on fire: [4 Damage]

?: TITZ or GTFO!

? for the last time pig spelled and did it all over Vivian turning all of Mario's partners into fucking pigs.

? burned off an extra: [1 Damage]

[TURN 6]

Mario: Alright... Fffffffffcuck.

?: LOL! U N00BZILLA! WATCHU GONA D0z WIT N0 PARTNERz BRAH!?

Mario: SOMETHING CLEVER!

Mario used his hammer throw badge to threw a wooden hammer so hard at the Air Horn machine through the wall, that it exploded causing every single person who has been impacted by the shitty spell to turn them all back to normal.

Goombella: YES!

Vivian: I'M BACK TO NORMAL!

Flurrie: Aww... Flurrie isn't a pig anymore...

Koops: HOORAY!

Yoshi: YEI! BITCH AINT BE TURNIN MY ASS INTO A GODDAMN PIG NO MORE!

_Battle Music: Chemical Warfare by Slayer_

?: WHAT!? MY... U... Uz DESTROYEDz MY AIR HORNz!

Vivian performed another shade fist attack on the shitty troll: [4 Damage]

Suddenly, the Star of **Lust** popped out of the busted Air Horn machine and landed on the laptop smashing it.

?: MY LAPTOP!

Goombella: LOOK! THE STAR!

?: U N00BIXCUBES! BACK OFF MY STAR OF **LUST**! It's what I use to hurt people by thinking of horny thoughts with! Watch this!

? held up the Star of **Lust **like how Mario's done it.

The star started glowing and he started levitating in the air and started circling around the team doing a move known as "Art Attack". The star drew a rainbowey circle around Team M 3 times cutting them up everywhere: [9 Damage]

Goombella: HEY! YOU CAN'T ATTACK ALL OF US WHEN WE'RE OFF THE STAGE!

?: JUST DIDz SLUT! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

?: Burn a little more: [1 Damage]

[TURN 7]

And Vivian did a 3rd punch to ?. Who doesn't wanna punch that character: [4 Damage]

Mario raised up the Star or **Wrath** for a course of action.

Mario: I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU CLUSTER CUCK I HOPE YOU FUCKING KILL YOURSELF IN A FUNNY WAY!

The Star started glowing and growing as if I haven't made that joke 4 or 6 times in the series by now.

Mario: JUMP ON, RETARDS!

Mario and the rest of Team M hopped on the star.

?: LoonaticsUnleashedIsMyFavoriteShow!

They jumped on as the Star of **Wrath** to grew into the size of your fat fucking mom and nearly destroyed the steeple... but didn't. But at least it did this much damage: [6 Damage]

And it finished off ? thus ending the battle.

**[END OF B0SS BATTLEz]**

Yoshi: _AWW YEI! AWW YEI! WE DID IT! WE DID IT!_ DAT SHITS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

Mario: Yeah guyz. Now all we needz to do iz grabz the star and WII R OTTA HEER!

Mario grabbed the Star of **Lust **from the unconscious purple shadow Mario looking thing.

Goombella: What the? Why are you talking like ? ?

Mario: Sorry. Itz was a little contagiousez that's all. Now come on! NOW WE CAN PARTAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Koops: WEEEEEE!

Mario: Come on! Let's go celebrate N00Bs! I mean... Retards!

Vivian: … Alright… I'll say it. Who the hell are you, and what did you do with Mario?

Mario: Whatz r u tlking boutz? I iz Mario! ITza Mii! Mari0!

Vivian: … That's not how Mario talks…

Goombella: Vivian! Will you shut up!? Sorry Mario… I think she's too stupid to be on this team. You should kick her out.

Vivian: Goombella. I know what I'm talking about and that's not Mario! Aside from his voice change, I can just… kind of tell…

Koops: What are you saying Vivian?

VIvian: I'm saying that that guy's the troll we were just fighting! He must have said a smell under his breath that caused him to switch bodies with our leader!

Mario: LOLz! GET BAKz in teh kitchen and makez me a sammich!

Vivian: Knock it off, troll!

Yoshi: Girl, is you high as fuck or something?

Koops: But what if… she's right though… ?

Gooombella: Stop being stupid Koops, and let's GO!

Flurrie: Hmm…. I think our lovely little shadow doll pointing it out is starting to lure me into thinking maybe she's right as well/

Mario: LOLz iz u all on crackj?

Yoshi: Hmmm… Aight! I buy it too. Bitch, whatcha doing with the real Mario!?

Goombella: Guys. Hehe.. Is every1 being hit by a stupid storm or something?

Mario: ….LOLz… Alright. You caughtz me. But whatchu gonna dooz aboutz itz? The only way I can trade back with Mario, as if I want to!

Vivian: Then we'll have to beat the shit out of you till you give it back!

Koops: Wowzers! When did you get so badass!?

Yoshi: Hell yeah! Hooray for moar ass whoopinz!

Flurrie: The real Mario better beat me off for this!

Goombella: Great… So you all choose to listen to the new bitch instead of me? I see how it is.

And so, Goombella, Koops, Flurrie, Yoshi, and Vivian gang bnaged the ever loving fuck out of Mario- I mean…. FUck it. For those of you who don't know. The troll's name is DOOPLISS! So there! Yoshi kept kicking his shin while Goombella kept jumping on him while Vivian kept smacking him while Flurrie kept rubbing her butt on him while Koops kept stranging him like a psychopath with pent up issues.

Doopliss: ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! FINEz! I'LL SWITCH BACKZ NOWZ! Just… please… no more… no morez…

Doopliss: 5thformfriezalooksprettycool

Doopliss majically switched bodies with Mario and whatever yadayadayada you get the idea.

Mario: What the fuck just happened just now?

Vivian: That troll tried switching bodies with you while you were unconscious! So we kept beating him up till he gave you your body!

Koops: And it worked!

Mario: Cool. In that case, wanna grab the star and continue beating his ass?

Every1 else: SURE!

Doopliss: Wait what? No- No, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

_Closing theme: Intro To Finale And Closing (2nd half) by Bruce Faulconer_

Wow! Talk about a good ol' way to finish a chapture huh! So as you know, Mario and his strange friends continued beating up the fuck-troll. Now that Vivian is an official Team M member, what about Beldam and Marilyn? Aren't they gonna be pretty pissed off? Well, Beldam at least? Find out as we BREAK ON THROUGH TO THE NEXT FUCKING CHAPTURE IN SUPER MARIO AND THE THOUSAND YEAR DRAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

-To be continued

Credit's theme: _You're gonna die by Destroy all Monsters_

Creator: IAMMASTER

No vibes were harmed in the making of this.

Based on a True Game


End file.
